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805 reviews for:
Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends as an Adult
Marisa G. Franco
4.09 AVERAGE
805 reviews for:
Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends as an Adult
Marisa G. Franco
4.09 AVERAGE
informative
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
As a clinician whose first year prac incorporated Teyber & Teyber's
Interpersonal Process in Therapy, and now uses relational-cultural therapy, this book was my bread and butter! If I were to put on my everyday hat, I would also say it was a gentle reminder to keep pushing myself towards building an secure attachment style (bettering my self-esteem, showing affection to others, being vulnerable, etc). My friends deserve better, and most importantly, I do too.
I did have a couple issues- intranasal OT studies have been discredited and the unequal representation of Israeli vs Palestinian research warrants significant improvement. Otherwise, solid, informative, and a hope-giving book.
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
Overall a solid book unpacking friendship dynamics and tactics in very intentional and impersonal ways. However, it is done through a neuro-typical lense that leaves other dynamics of being out by omission. This book gives thoughtful insight on friendship dynamics, but it feels linear in a multifaceted landscape
“If I am close to you, who I am is deeply and centrally different because of you; and this difference is that who I am deeply and centrally is you.”
Somewhere between a psychology lesson and a therapy session, I learned a ton by reading this book. I’m not usually one for self-help stuff, but for a topic as all-encompassing as navigating friendships as an adult, I found this to be a goldmine of insight based on real research and anecdotes. The writing style is charmingly millennial and accessible, and I found myself laughing out loud at several parts. I also bookmarked several sections that clearly break down concepts that have become muddled by the zeitgeist: attachment styles, self-compassion, defense mechanisms, and affection styles, to name a few. There’s a little something in here for everyone, definitely worth the read!
Somewhere between a psychology lesson and a therapy session, I learned a ton by reading this book. I’m not usually one for self-help stuff, but for a topic as all-encompassing as navigating friendships as an adult, I found this to be a goldmine of insight based on real research and anecdotes. The writing style is charmingly millennial and accessible, and I found myself laughing out loud at several parts. I also bookmarked several sections that clearly break down concepts that have become muddled by the zeitgeist: attachment styles, self-compassion, defense mechanisms, and affection styles, to name a few. There’s a little something in here for everyone, definitely worth the read!
emotional
informative
this book inspired me, and then immediately after reading, i lost one of my best friends lol
Normally when I read a self help book like this I am all for the studies and peer-backed research… but I felt like in this book it really just bogged it down. Maybe it was how much she included? The studies plus the anecdotes plus all the breaking down into bite-sized information pieces made it a really slow read.
I did not care for the idea that you should assume people like you. It felt disingenuous and I feel like I’d lose a lot of peace and happiness trying to make those relationships thrive when they just might not. And that’s ok!
Some interesting takeaways, and I did love that she ended each chapter with the most important takeaways, but unfortunately nothing groundbreaking.
I did not care for the idea that you should assume people like you. It felt disingenuous and I feel like I’d lose a lot of peace and happiness trying to make those relationships thrive when they just might not. And that’s ok!
Some interesting takeaways, and I did love that she ended each chapter with the most important takeaways, but unfortunately nothing groundbreaking.
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
Read for a women's friendship bookclub. None of us really enjoyed it and I couldn't quite finish it. Will give to my daughers to see if they enjoy it more!
Aristole said "No one would choose to live without friendship". Undervalued and often unexplored, friendship , Marisa G. Franco argues, is more than nectar of life. It's a necessity.
Some wonderful ideas explored in this book:
Romantic intention within friendship - although it sounds scandalous or taboo, there is an affection of friendship that comes close to an idealization of the other. It isn't sexual, or coying, or queer or anything like that - just a recognition of an affection that is boundless when we are with our friends, our mates, the people we choose to spend time with
Empathy containers - unlike our family our spouses, friendships undefinedness makes it easy to wither away. A good bond isn't a 6 month oil maintence, but more like a sincere attempt to be present with another person's mind.
Attachment Style - Knowing if we are avoidant, anxious or secure gives us information on how easily we allow ourselves to connect, and makes sense of how we approach any relationship
Walls - everyone has them. We think about our own, but rarely other peoples. They are not something to remove, but to embrace. The shield to ourselves
Enlightened self-interest - the idea that mutuality and intentionality can be helpful as a roadmap of a good friendship. Self-sacrifice, can bring on woundedness
Raw vs Authentic - mistaking a reactive self for a real self..we should look for and cultivate the authentic responsive self
Organic - friendship doesn't happen this way for most adults. Proximity can, but it's a poor substitute
Vulnerability - deep friendship is impossible without it; expressing it to match someone's level of openness is critical too
Privilege in Authenticity - not all can afford to show up how they want to
Anger - can be a source for change - ask for what you want in the future; anger than turns away is what destorys
being response - understand, but don't have to agree; admitanc ethat everyone screws up; examine larger dynamic of a friendship to see if there is a salvaging part.
Overall, a really great read. a lesson in gratitude and shared meaning
Some wonderful ideas explored in this book:
Romantic intention within friendship - although it sounds scandalous or taboo, there is an affection of friendship that comes close to an idealization of the other. It isn't sexual, or coying, or queer or anything like that - just a recognition of an affection that is boundless when we are with our friends, our mates, the people we choose to spend time with
Empathy containers - unlike our family our spouses, friendships undefinedness makes it easy to wither away. A good bond isn't a 6 month oil maintence, but more like a sincere attempt to be present with another person's mind.
Attachment Style - Knowing if we are avoidant, anxious or secure gives us information on how easily we allow ourselves to connect, and makes sense of how we approach any relationship
Walls - everyone has them. We think about our own, but rarely other peoples. They are not something to remove, but to embrace. The shield to ourselves
Enlightened self-interest - the idea that mutuality and intentionality can be helpful as a roadmap of a good friendship. Self-sacrifice, can bring on woundedness
Raw vs Authentic - mistaking a reactive self for a real self..we should look for and cultivate the authentic responsive self
Organic - friendship doesn't happen this way for most adults. Proximity can, but it's a poor substitute
Vulnerability - deep friendship is impossible without it; expressing it to match someone's level of openness is critical too
Privilege in Authenticity - not all can afford to show up how they want to
Anger - can be a source for change - ask for what you want in the future; anger than turns away is what destorys
being response - understand, but don't have to agree; admitanc ethat everyone screws up; examine larger dynamic of a friendship to see if there is a salvaging part.
Overall, a really great read. a lesson in gratitude and shared meaning