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greg_talbot 's review for:
Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends
by Marisa G. Franco
Aristole said "No one would choose to live without friendship". Undervalued and often unexplored, friendship , Marisa G. Franco argues, is more than nectar of life. It's a necessity.
Some wonderful ideas explored in this book:
Romantic intention within friendship - although it sounds scandalous or taboo, there is an affection of friendship that comes close to an idealization of the other. It isn't sexual, or coying, or queer or anything like that - just a recognition of an affection that is boundless when we are with our friends, our mates, the people we choose to spend time with
Empathy containers - unlike our family our spouses, friendships undefinedness makes it easy to wither away. A good bond isn't a 6 month oil maintence, but more like a sincere attempt to be present with another person's mind.
Attachment Style - Knowing if we are avoidant, anxious or secure gives us information on how easily we allow ourselves to connect, and makes sense of how we approach any relationship
Walls - everyone has them. We think about our own, but rarely other peoples. They are not something to remove, but to embrace. The shield to ourselves
Enlightened self-interest - the idea that mutuality and intentionality can be helpful as a roadmap of a good friendship. Self-sacrifice, can bring on woundedness
Raw vs Authentic - mistaking a reactive self for a real self..we should look for and cultivate the authentic responsive self
Organic - friendship doesn't happen this way for most adults. Proximity can, but it's a poor substitute
Vulnerability - deep friendship is impossible without it; expressing it to match someone's level of openness is critical too
Privilege in Authenticity - not all can afford to show up how they want to
Anger - can be a source for change - ask for what you want in the future; anger than turns away is what destorys
being response - understand, but don't have to agree; admitanc ethat everyone screws up; examine larger dynamic of a friendship to see if there is a salvaging part.
Overall, a really great read. a lesson in gratitude and shared meaning
Some wonderful ideas explored in this book:
Romantic intention within friendship - although it sounds scandalous or taboo, there is an affection of friendship that comes close to an idealization of the other. It isn't sexual, or coying, or queer or anything like that - just a recognition of an affection that is boundless when we are with our friends, our mates, the people we choose to spend time with
Empathy containers - unlike our family our spouses, friendships undefinedness makes it easy to wither away. A good bond isn't a 6 month oil maintence, but more like a sincere attempt to be present with another person's mind.
Attachment Style - Knowing if we are avoidant, anxious or secure gives us information on how easily we allow ourselves to connect, and makes sense of how we approach any relationship
Walls - everyone has them. We think about our own, but rarely other peoples. They are not something to remove, but to embrace. The shield to ourselves
Enlightened self-interest - the idea that mutuality and intentionality can be helpful as a roadmap of a good friendship. Self-sacrifice, can bring on woundedness
Raw vs Authentic - mistaking a reactive self for a real self..we should look for and cultivate the authentic responsive self
Organic - friendship doesn't happen this way for most adults. Proximity can, but it's a poor substitute
Vulnerability - deep friendship is impossible without it; expressing it to match someone's level of openness is critical too
Privilege in Authenticity - not all can afford to show up how they want to
Anger - can be a source for change - ask for what you want in the future; anger than turns away is what destorys
being response - understand, but don't have to agree; admitanc ethat everyone screws up; examine larger dynamic of a friendship to see if there is a salvaging part.
Overall, a really great read. a lesson in gratitude and shared meaning