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krussek's review
3.0
Giving this a solid 3 out of 5. Kitty Stryker just kind of makes me feel... tired. As other people have stated, the introduction is very self-aggrandizing (a white woman bragging about how many people of color she got to contribute is not a great look). Also, you named your cat Foucault? Really?
As for the essays, it’s a mixed bag. Some are very good and thought provoking, even fun (the ones on LARPing and wrestling). Some helped me understand my own experiences, esp. the very first one, on consent in relationships while mentally ill. Others I think are hampered by their length, and not really given space to explore the claims they make and subjects they’re addressing. Tackling consent as a structural issue requires structural analysis, and only a few pages definitely isn’t enough to tackle that. Either way, I left with some nuggets of wisdom. I’ll be thinking about how asking questions is an exercise of power for a while.
As for the essays, it’s a mixed bag. Some are very good and thought provoking, even fun (the ones on LARPing and wrestling). Some helped me understand my own experiences, esp. the very first one, on consent in relationships while mentally ill. Others I think are hampered by their length, and not really given space to explore the claims they make and subjects they’re addressing. Tackling consent as a structural issue requires structural analysis, and only a few pages definitely isn’t enough to tackle that. Either way, I left with some nuggets of wisdom. I’ll be thinking about how asking questions is an exercise of power for a while.
sunrays118's review
4.0
READ. THIS. BOOK.
Damn, this is one hell of a book.
A collection of short essays on consent, this book covers a lot of topics. Ideas around consent and paying for porn, consent and teenage bullying, consent and medical care. There is an article on consent and LARPing, one on consent and race, several on consent and polyamory.
I won't say I loved every single essay in the collection but the ones I did like, I absolutely am obsessing over. These are all written by good, articulate authors who have strong, bold opinions. There are nuances that usually are glossed over or not considered. This was excellently done.
A note of caution: this is not an intro to consent book. I would read this *after* you have read other books on consent or attended a class or lecture. This is certainly a more advanced book on consent but absolutely well worth. I cannot emphasize how strongly I recommend this book. Absolutely a great and worthwhile read.
Damn, this is one hell of a book.
A collection of short essays on consent, this book covers a lot of topics. Ideas around consent and paying for porn, consent and teenage bullying, consent and medical care. There is an article on consent and LARPing, one on consent and race, several on consent and polyamory.
I won't say I loved every single essay in the collection but the ones I did like, I absolutely am obsessing over. These are all written by good, articulate authors who have strong, bold opinions. There are nuances that usually are glossed over or not considered. This was excellently done.
A note of caution: this is not an intro to consent book. I would read this *after* you have read other books on consent or attended a class or lecture. This is certainly a more advanced book on consent but absolutely well worth. I cannot emphasize how strongly I recommend this book. Absolutely a great and worthwhile read.
carolineinthelibrary's review
3.0
I truly struggle to rate and critique this book, but with a gentle hand, I'll try. I thought the concept of this was incredible when I first picked it up. As a sexual assault survivor, I want nothing more than consent culture to be radiated through our society. Many of the stories in this anthology touched on that in ways I'd never even thought to think of consent. Even as the person I am, they made me think I could do better to seek consent in every day life. Where I struggle is that some of these felt so disconnecting. I think it's great that Kitty Stryker sought diverse voices, as they need to be heard, but some of the voices carried aggression. The "if you're a cis, white woman, you don't understand this" feeling was rampant in a lot of these and I don't often feel put off by that. I fully understand how my privilege can prevent me from seeing all sides of oppression and inequality, but this almost made me feel like I shouldn't try to help because my help isn't wanted. I also feel like people who should hear more about incorporating consent into daily life will turn their backs on this book. I hate to say that, but the people that really need to hear the message will feel totally disconnected when the work and consent section is almost entirely about the sex worker industry or when we start talking about swingers and sex parties. Building consent culture is so essential but I just feel like this book uninvited some of us from the consent party.
audaciaray's review
5.0
Tired of all the reactive hot takes about whatever celebrity is currently under fire for consent-violating behavior but want good and provocative writing about consent and rape culture? READ THIS BOOK. It’s vital. Clear arguments, real ideas about the interpersonal work that needs doing to end rape culture.
annetjeberg's review
5.0
I gave this read 5 stars, even though I did not find all the essays as informative as others. However, combined it is such a valuable, and inspiring, resource. It really leaves me thinking about consent in ways that I have never considered consent before. Especially as a white, cis woman it is important to read about perspectives of other people.
So valuable and so recommended.
So valuable and so recommended.
trillium9's review
An important book on an important topic. At times I felt it lacked cohesion and depth, but perhaps I'm just spoiled in my opinion by having read deeply already about consent and disability, consent and labor, consent and the criminal industrial complex, etc.
ozymandias272's review
fast-paced
1.0
Content Warnings
Moderate: Rape, Transphobia, Racism, Sexual violence, and Sexism
crafty_crow's review
2.0
I checked Ask: Building Consent Culture with the hope that I may gain insight in how to talk and teach consent with my family. What I got was a grab-bag of essays of varying quality that may or may not directly discuss consent.
The six essays I thought most useful or thought provoking are:
"Sex and Love When You Hate Yourself and Don't Have Your Shit Together" by Joellen Notte, for tackling mental illness, love, and consent. That also ties in well with Sez Thomasin's essay "Sex Is a Life Skill: Sex Ed for the Neuroatypical," which discusses the fact that kids placed in special ed classrooms may also benefit from sex ed and consent, and why.
"Rehearsing Consent Culture: Revolutionary Playtime" by Richard M. Wright offers, for my needs, possibly the best way to approach teaching consent to children and teens in the book.
Navarre Overton's "The Kids Aren't All Right: Consent and Our Miranda Rights" discussed consent outside of a sexual context, and in a light I hadn't considered important. While Navarre discusses how kids that are read their Miranda rights may not actually understand what they're consenting to, I wondered how often this plays out for people who don't speak English in the United States. It is troubling to consider just how disadvantaged someone who doesn't speak English is when the law knocks on their door...
"Giving Birth When Black" by Takeallah Rivera made me mad. It's a good essay, but damn, the issues around consent in the hospital and around birth are frustrating.
Kate Fractal's "Games, Role-Playing, and Consent" is great for ideas on how to consider consent in games (and, incidentally, ideas for role playing that I think will be great for my family).
Finally, I appreciated Carol Queen's Afterword. I felt that it spoke honestly to the realities of how consent can be murky and awkward. That it isn't an easy problem to solve, and how many of us don't have the patience for any solution other than an immediate solution.
For me, those essays made this book worthwhile.
The other essays? Some were riddled with logical loopholes such that I felt that I was contorting myself in an effort to make sense of their conclusion. Many missed opportunities to provide citations, instead relying on the familiar weasel words "studies show". Which studies
Finally, the worst of the lot were essays that were self-aggrandizing, conflated bullying with assault (having been at the receiving end of both, I cannot agree that bullying and assault are equivalent), or discussed topics so far afield that consent was but a tangent to their topic.
I'm still looking for a solid book on consent, and how to teach consent. This offers glimmers of hope that something is out there. In the mean time, I at least have a few gems that I can start with today.
The six essays I thought most useful or thought provoking are:
"Sex and Love When You Hate Yourself and Don't Have Your Shit Together" by Joellen Notte, for tackling mental illness, love, and consent. That also ties in well with Sez Thomasin's essay "Sex Is a Life Skill: Sex Ed for the Neuroatypical," which discusses the fact that kids placed in special ed classrooms may also benefit from sex ed and consent, and why.
"Rehearsing Consent Culture: Revolutionary Playtime" by Richard M. Wright offers, for my needs, possibly the best way to approach teaching consent to children and teens in the book.
Navarre Overton's "The Kids Aren't All Right: Consent and Our Miranda Rights" discussed consent outside of a sexual context, and in a light I hadn't considered important. While Navarre discusses how kids that are read their Miranda rights may not actually understand what they're consenting to, I wondered how often this plays out for people who don't speak English in the United States. It is troubling to consider just how disadvantaged someone who doesn't speak English is when the law knocks on their door...
"Giving Birth When Black" by Takeallah Rivera made me mad. It's a good essay, but damn, the issues around consent in the hospital and around birth are frustrating.
Kate Fractal's "Games, Role-Playing, and Consent" is great for ideas on how to consider consent in games (and, incidentally, ideas for role playing that I think will be great for my family).
Finally, I appreciated Carol Queen's Afterword. I felt that it spoke honestly to the realities of how consent can be murky and awkward. That it isn't an easy problem to solve, and how many of us don't have the patience for any solution other than an immediate solution.
For me, those essays made this book worthwhile.
The other essays? Some were riddled with logical loopholes such that I felt that I was contorting myself in an effort to make sense of their conclusion. Many missed opportunities to provide citations, instead relying on the familiar weasel words "studies show". Which studies
Finally, the worst of the lot were essays that were self-aggrandizing, conflated bullying with assault (having been at the receiving end of both, I cannot agree that bullying and assault are equivalent), or discussed topics so far afield that consent was but a tangent to their topic.
I'm still looking for a solid book on consent, and how to teach consent. This offers glimmers of hope that something is out there. In the mean time, I at least have a few gems that I can start with today.
anneke_b's review
5.0
I gave this read 5 stars, even though I did not find all the essays as informative as others. However, combined it is such a valuable, and inspiring, resource. It really leaves me thinking about consent in ways that I have never considered consent before. Especially as a white, cis woman it is important to read about perspectives of other people.
So valuable and so recommended.
So valuable and so recommended.