Reviews with content warning for Mental illness - Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

This book was great! Great because I realised how much I don't know about something I should be more in touch with. Caitlin talks about society being pushed away from the ideas of death and in doing so, we become more afraid of it. It reminded me of when I was a kid and having to stay behind with my cousins while our parents went to a funeral of someone they knew. Now, it could have been because the family didn't want unnecessary trouble with kids, but it could have also been because "children shouldn't be exposed to death at such a young age". While I agree that too much death and violence causing death, could lead to some trauma, allowing children to understand when someone died, and that they can grieve or ask any questions they have is very positive and open. I loved just hearing Caitlin use the knowledge she'd picked up through the experience at Westwind and mortuary school, with research and information about rituals from around the world (present and past) and relating that to her life. It felt like such a connect and meant sometimes I could relate but always understand. I also loved the research about death rituals from around the world, from present day to past - it was my favourite part of the book. Not only that but the quotes and industry information, and how they can prey on your grief; Caitlin not bashing the industry, just simply acknowledging that they have the ability to take advantage. I took so long to finish this book because each chapter felt so heavy - I had to take in so much information and really think over it - but that's not a bad thing at all. The beginning and the end of the book were very personable, which I didn't mind and even liked at the beginning, but once I'd got to the middle and discovered facts and information about the death industry, while I like and agree with the majority of Caitlins opinions, I only wanted more facts and wisdom

rather than being hired by a company and wanting Luke but not getting him.

However, I did also cry at the last few pages so.

My favourite quotes:

'The Bay's current fulfilled feminist Camille Paglia's lament: "Human beings are not nature's favourites. We are merely one of a multitude of species upon which nature indiscriminately exerts its force."'

'Bodies cremated in full, heads donated to science, babies, and some woman's amputated leg all come out looking the same in the end. Sifting through an urn of cremated remains you cannot tell if a person had successes, failures, grandchildren, felonies. "For you are dust, and to dust you shall return." As an adult human, your dust is the same as my dust, four to seven pounds of greyish ash and bone.'

'In many ways, women are death's natural companions. Every time a woman gives birth, she is creating not only a life, but also a death. Samuel Beckett wrote that women "give birth astride of a grave." Mother Nature is indeed a real mother, creating and destroying in a constant loop.'

'Death might appear to destroy the meaning in our lives, but in fact it is the very source of our creativity. As Kafka said, "The meaning of life is that it ends." Death is the engine that keeps us running, giving us the motivation to achieve, learn, love, and create. Philosophers have proclaimed this for thousands of years just as vehemently as we insist upon ignoring it generation after generation. Isaac was getting his PhD, exploring the boundaries of science, making music because of the inspiration death provided. If he lived forever, chances are he would be rendered boring, listless, and unmotivated, robbed of life's richness by dull routine. The great achievements of humanity were born out of the deadlines imposed by death. He didn't seem to realise the fire beneath his ass was mortality-the very thing he was attempting to defeat.'

'At the moment I was alive with blood coursing through my veins, floating above the putrefaction below, many potential tomorrows on my mind. Yes, my projects could lie fragmented and unfinished after my death. Unable to choose how I would die physically, I could only choose how I would die mentally. Whether my mortality caught me at twenty-eight or ninety-three, I made the choice to die content, slipped into the nothingness, my atoms becoming the very fog that cloaked the trees. The silence of death, of the cemetery, was no punishment, but a reward for a life well lived.'

I WILL READ THIS BOOK AGAIN.

Content Warnings

fionag's review against another edition

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dark emotional informative inspiring reflective sad fast-paced

5.0

Absolutely brilliant. I watch Caitlins videos and her voice comes through so well in this book. I loved watching her opinion on death and dying change throughout. The descriptions of other cultures’ rituals is unbelievably interesting, and the stories she recounts here are both beautiful and sad. Amazing n

Content Warnings

ainsleys's review against another edition

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dark informative fast-paced

3.75

A really interesting book, especially regarding the history of our relationship with death and the deceased. I enjoyed the sections about the few other cultures mentioned, I would've loved more on that. The personal anecdotes were also interesting and entertaining, however I felt like she was trying to prove how tough and quirky she is, just like she struggled to prove herself to her boss. Some of the descriptions felt like they were only added for shock value, almost as if to say if you can't handle it you are weak with an unhealthy relationship to death.

The whole book had this judgemental tone, if you disagreed or had a different relationship with death, you were in denial, or even a bad person. For example, a family who chose a less expensive internet option for their nine year old daughter was judged and berated as being bad parents who didn't care. I can imagine nothing worse than after loosing a child having to go to a funeral home and speak with a clearly judgemental stranger about how much you're willing to spend on the funeral arrangements. All while the judgemental stranger tries to sell you add ons or extras that if you don't get means you are a bad parent who doesn't care. No thank you, I would rather grieve and process the loss surrounded by loved ones. Plus she lacked any empathy that the family may have been forced into such arrangements because they were unable to afford a more expensive, face to face option.

I also felt like important issues were glossed over.

For example, her suicidal thoughts seemed to just vanish after she decided not to commit suicide, with no mention being made again. No mention was made about recovery, as if it is as easy as just deciding against suicide, which rubbed me the wrong way.

Overall this book still got a fairly high rating because of the interesting premise and subject matter, and the structure of being part memoir and part history examination.

Content Warnings

marisa_n's review against another edition

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dark informative reflective medium-paced

3.0

Not for the faint-hearted. This book is a mashup of memoir, politics, science, and history--all related to death, cadavers, and death rituals. This book follows the author's life as she explores her relationship with death, it gives you a peak into her day-to-day life as a mortician, and it her includes her thoughts on death rituals.

I found the information about the day-to-day operations of a crematory interesting and informative. Some of the discussions on culture and politics were also good food for thought. Overall, I learned a great deal while reading this. I also thought the author handled the subject matter respectfully, without making it dry/boring.

However, as interesting as the subject matter was, I disliked the writing style. I found the storytelling to be jarring, and the transitions non-existent. Her life story is told in a linear fashion, but she consistently breaks into lengthy side tangents (about culture, politics, etc.) that are only tangentially related to the current subject at hand. There also seemed to be little rhyme or reason to her storytelling-- in one sentence she's talking about her day, and the next she's talking about cannibalism. I found these conversational leaps frustrating, as it made it hard to stay engaged in the story. While her main point was clear--we need to become more comfortable with death and re-evaluate our current death rituals--she never truly connected these side-tangents to her thesis.

Overall, informative read, but it could have benefited from a good editor.

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