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A review by ainsleys
Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory by Caitlin Doughty
dark
informative
fast-paced
3.75
A really interesting book, especially regarding the history of our relationship with death and the deceased. I enjoyed the sections about the few other cultures mentioned, I would've loved more on that. The personal anecdotes were also interesting and entertaining, however I felt like she was trying to prove how tough and quirky she is, just like she struggled to prove herself to her boss. Some of the descriptions felt like they were only added for shock value, almost as if to say if you can't handle it you are weak with an unhealthy relationship to death.
The whole book had this judgemental tone, if you disagreed or had a different relationship with death, you were in denial, or even a bad person. For example, a family who chose a less expensive internet option for their nine year old daughter was judged and berated as being bad parents who didn't care. I can imagine nothing worse than after loosing a child having to go to a funeral home and speak with a clearly judgemental stranger about how much you're willing to spend on the funeral arrangements. All while the judgemental stranger tries to sell you add ons or extras that if you don't get means you are a bad parent who doesn't care. No thank you, I would rather grieve and process the loss surrounded by loved ones. Plus she lacked any empathy that the family may have been forced into such arrangements because they were unable to afford a more expensive, face to face option.
I also felt like important issues were glossed over. For example, her suicidal thoughts seemed to just vanish after she decided not to commit suicide, with no mention being made again. No mention was made about recovery, as if it is as easy as just deciding against suicide, which rubbed me the wrong way.
Overall this book still got a fairly high rating because of the interesting premise and subject matter, and the structure of being part memoir and part history examination.
The whole book had this judgemental tone, if you disagreed or had a different relationship with death, you were in denial, or even a bad person. For example, a family who chose a less expensive internet option for their nine year old daughter was judged and berated as being bad parents who didn't care. I can imagine nothing worse than after loosing a child having to go to a funeral home and speak with a clearly judgemental stranger about how much you're willing to spend on the funeral arrangements. All while the judgemental stranger tries to sell you add ons or extras that if you don't get means you are a bad parent who doesn't care. No thank you, I would rather grieve and process the loss surrounded by loved ones. Plus she lacked any empathy that the family may have been forced into such arrangements because they were unable to afford a more expensive, face to face option.
I also felt like important issues were glossed over.
Overall this book still got a fairly high rating because of the interesting premise and subject matter, and the structure of being part memoir and part history examination.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body horror, Child death, Death, Gore, Grief, Medical content, Medical trauma, Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, and Suicide attempt
Moderate: Ableism, Body shaming, Dementia, and Terminal illness