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lizzderr's review against another edition
1.0
This deserves every bit of its reputation as potentially the worst fantasy story ever written. The structure isn't actually half bad, but the prose is atrocious. I'm still not fully convinced (based, among other things, on the way certain often-misused words are used correctly) that this wasn't satire. Either way, the best way to read this is with a group, aloud, round-robin style: see how far you can get without laughing or staring at the page in disbelief.
murphy___'s review against another edition
adventurous
funny
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? N/A
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
1.0
This was the best worst book I've read so far. Absolutely enjoyable to read with a friend and laugh and wonder about what's happening...
librator's review against another edition
1.0
Holy shit. That was impressively terrible and well worth a read.
rukmini's review against another edition
1.0
This is a masterpiece. Of incompetence. (Alternate review: everyone who meets this author must shake him by the hand (so that he can’t write any more books).)
nick13's review against another edition
adventurous
dark
funny
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
0.75
This was an absolute blast to read. It's just so terrible! I love it. Everyone woman is called a wench, the plot makes no sense, and entire paragraphs make no sense due to how many errors are in it. Truly a blast of 7½ chapters.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Gore and Sexism
perpetual_doubt's review against another edition
The writing and story is obviously 1⭐️.
But the entertainment is an easy 5⭐️
What an absolute unit
But the entertainment is an easy 5⭐️
What an absolute unit
christian_mcguire's review against another edition
2.0
This is a legendary first draft. Rarely to first drafts get any kind of public release and even less often are exceptionally bad first drafts. This is in the so-bad-its-good category. I am not into sword and sorcery and so I got less out of this than its cult following does. That said, I enjoyed the casual sexism in the dialogue and the random diversions into Clark Ashton Smith prose, and "bllod", and chapter 7 1/2, and the priest randomly getting a seizure. Fun time.
readguy25's review against another edition
adventurous
funny
informative
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? N/A
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
0.75
I’ve honestly been waiting for a book like The Eye of Argon to appear in my life. When it comes to movies, I’m a huge fan of Birdemic, not because I think it’s a cinematic masterpiece, but because it encroaches on being ‘so bad it’s good’. Ever since I’ve started reading, I’ve been searching for a book that fits that mold that Birdemic fills for me, and I’m happy to say that I think I’ve found it in this book.
The Eye of Argon’s plot is honestly completely terrible, as the reader follows Grignr the barbarian, the man who kills everyone and everything he comes in contact with, and who doesn’t even have the worst name in this book. Grignr is traveling to the city of Gorzan to essentially bang women and get drunk, only to find himself in trouble once he decapitates a person, because that person got mad that Grignr stole his ‘wench’. He is then sent to prison in this town where he is confronted by the prince, Agafnd, which is still in my opinion not the worst name in this book. Grignr is sentenced to the mines of despair or something, but he is able to kill Agafnd as a parting gift somehow.
The story then cuts away for a chapter to introduce a girl that is being sacrificed by a bunch of shamans? We quickly return to action, as Grignr is able to make an escape using the sharpened pelvic bone of a rat that he killed to escape and kill his two guards, one of which is named Broig, who has the worst name in this book, in my opinion. Then, as he is making his escape (while dodging a few booby traps along the way), he comes across the girl that was being sacrificed, and he murders every single shaman and saves the girl from being sacrificed. They then escape together, as we are given the main exposition dump during this part and the book becomes completely uninteresting, until the end.
Once they make it out of the castle(?), Grignr shows the girl that he stole the gem from the idol of Argon that the shaman had, and this is where I get a bit confused. The gem then turns into a leech of some sort, sucks onto Grignr, and then kills him, and the book ends right there.
I might have left out a few additional details, but that is quite literally the entire plot. I honestly think I just did a better job of explaining the plot than the actual book did, as Jim Theis absolutely sucks at writing. I’ve written drunk tweets that had better prose than this book.
I’ve never seen a book have this many spelling errors and completely made up words. He surely didn’t have anyone proofread this book, and I’m not even sure he proofread it himself, because he writes words like ‘Sirenity’, ‘Purnishment’, ‘Magjesty’, ‘Stygmatic’, ‘Lusciour’, ‘Slovering’, ‘Miral’, ‘Protruberan’, ‘Cuppex’, ‘Confisticated’, ‘Appilevered’, and ‘Yawkishly’, just to name a few. You’ll just have to believe when I say there are so many spelling mistakes that it’s impossible to write them all down, since I won’t be documenting every instance here. It’s so bad that some sentences are completely unintelligible. When it comes to books, I’ve only read one book that is more unintelligible, and that’s A Pickle for the Knowing Ones, which is kind of a cop out answer anyway, so this book honestly takes the cake.
Jim Theis could not put the thesaurus down while writing this book. In an effort to sound smarter than he actually is, he constantly uses complicated synonyms for pretty much every word in this book, which leads to some complete eye-roller lines like this:
“The flickering torches cast weird shafts of luminescence danding over the half naked harlot of his choice, her stringy orchid twines of hair swaying gracefully over the lithe opaque nose, as she raised a half drained mug to her pale red lips.”
Kinda bad, right? Well this is how the entire book is written. Jim Theis really wanted to show off his expanded vocabulary, but instead showed off his lack of knowledge of the English language. The main offenders come when Jim Theis is forced to describe a body part, as he can not simply call it ‘eyes’ or ‘ears’ or ‘mouth’ or ‘groin’, and instead opts for using ‘ emerald green orbs’, ‘auditory organs’, ‘reeking maw’, and finally, ‘urinary gland’. There are plenty of examples of him calling ‘eyes’ something stupid, but I won’t spoil it all, you should read this book to find out for yourself!
To wrap up, this is by far the worst book I’ve read, but I don’t hate it. Like I stated in the introduction, this book is like Birdemic to me, so I found immense enjoyment out of reading this. If I had to sit down and think to myself, “Did I enjoy reading ‘The Eye of Argon’ more than ‘World War Z’ or ‘Verity’ I would say yes, emphatically. For that reason, it rates the tiniest margin higher than those books in my all time ranking. I recommend everyone read this book, partially for personal, disturbed enjoyment, but also to learn the importance of proofreading anything you write.