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119 reviews for:
Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace
Ayelet Waldman
3.49 AVERAGE
119 reviews for:
Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace
Ayelet Waldman
3.49 AVERAGE
I can relate to this book more than any other book on the planet, and so can most of my friends whether they are brave enough to admit or not. I love that even as Ms. Waldman writes about the unfair expectations on women/mothers she still struggles to meet them. And while she knows the only opinions about her mothering that count are hers (and secondly her husband and children) I have a feeling she is almost as affected as myself when I feel judged. Having this book on the best seller list gives me hope a more honest discussion of motherhood and raising a family and that I am not as bad off emotionally as I might have thought I was.
I haven't finished this yet, but plan to savor it, use it as a reference for the rest of my life and buy a supply to give as gifts this Christmas.
I haven't finished this yet, but plan to savor it, use it as a reference for the rest of my life and buy a supply to give as gifts this Christmas.
This is a collection of chapters on different themes related to motherhood. I don't know that it deserves to be called "a chronicle" (in its subtitle) because there doesn't seem to be much structure to the order of the chapters, and it's definitely not chronological. Chapters 1 and 5 really irritated me and seemed pointless besides, but a few of the others were OK and one or two gave me some food for thought. Regarding the title, I don't think that Ayelet Waldman (the author) is a bad mother, nor a good one; I didn't like this book enough to care.
Aside: I love that on Goodreads, one star is "didn't like it" and not "bad" or some other objective statement. There are many 4- and 5-star reviews of this particular book, and that is fine, but I didn't like it so it gets one star from me.
Another reviewer wrote "The author's tendency to overanalyze and feel guilt over every minute aspect of her parenting and her much-critized confession that she loves her husband more than she loves her children were easy for me to identify with and drew me right in." (Full review here: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/113634044) I think that sums up exactly why I didn't like this book: I don't overanalyze my parenting nor do I feel guilt over it, so I didn't identify with the author at all. I conjecture that better writing could have overcome this hurdle and made me feel something other than irritation and frustration, but there is no way to be sure. I picked up the book (from the library, thankfully) because I'd heard about the kerfuffle over Waldman loving her husband more than her kids and I thought it could be an interesting read, even if I didn't agree with her. I wish I hadn't wasted my time.
Aside: I love that on Goodreads, one star is "didn't like it" and not "bad" or some other objective statement. There are many 4- and 5-star reviews of this particular book, and that is fine, but I didn't like it so it gets one star from me.
Another reviewer wrote "The author's tendency to overanalyze and feel guilt over every minute aspect of her parenting and her much-critized confession that she loves her husband more than she loves her children were easy for me to identify with and drew me right in." (Full review here: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/113634044) I think that sums up exactly why I didn't like this book: I don't overanalyze my parenting nor do I feel guilt over it, so I didn't identify with the author at all. I conjecture that better writing could have overcome this hurdle and made me feel something other than irritation and frustration, but there is no way to be sure. I picked up the book (from the library, thankfully) because I'd heard about the kerfuffle over Waldman loving her husband more than her kids and I thought it could be an interesting read, even if I didn't agree with her. I wish I hadn't wasted my time.
An interesting book club read. The author is (in)famous for writing that she loved her husband more than her kids and drew the ire of many bloggers, commenters on message boards, and moms in the audience of the Oprah she when she was a guest. She writes about the mommy wars, the decisions you make as a mom and how you are judged for them, and how she copes. It is interesting as a mom to read this and I can't wait to discuss it with my book club.
I love the premise of this book: that women today are almost all "bad mothers" because of the great, and often unrealistic, expectations that society puts on them and that no normal human being could possibly live up to. In addition, the chapter(s) where Waldman writes, for the first time, about the decision to abort her child who was potentially disabled, is one of the most powerful chapters of any memoir anywhere. It makes my heart ache even now, thinking about it.
But I found myself frustrated with a few things: the book is repetitious, and it has the feeling that it can't decide if it wants to be a manifesto, an exploration into the main premise that society expects too darn much from its mothers, or a memoir...and in the end, it doesn't delve into any of these things deeply enough like I wish she would have and in doing so, fails to do any of them justice.
But I found myself frustrated with a few things: the book is repetitious, and it has the feeling that it can't decide if it wants to be a manifesto, an exploration into the main premise that society expects too darn much from its mothers, or a memoir...and in the end, it doesn't delve into any of these things deeply enough like I wish she would have and in doing so, fails to do any of them justice.
I love this book! It touches on everything.. mostly how women are so harsh to one another with our judgments. It also touches on relation ships with mother-in-laws and the static that just exists there. It made me feel like a good mother as I read this book. I may not entirely agree with her views on acceptance of homosexuality but still a great book. Perhaps we should all give this instead of the "What to Expect" book at our showers!
Ayelet Waldman is a feminist mama who writes bravely and openly about parenting, marriage, sex, abortion, politics, and the mommy wars. I was impressed from start to finish. I didn't agree with everything she said, but how refreshing to really hear someone tell it like it is. I feel like we don't get this kind of honesty nearly enough.
From the moment I brought my daughter home from the hospital 9 ½ years ago (and the two other children that followed) there hasn’t been a day go by that I haven’t thought of how bad I am at mothering. When trying to embrace “co-parenting” and allowing my then 3 week old to sleep on my chest, I fell desperately asleep, then was suddenly startled awake to realize she had rolled off my chest and onto the floor. When my second son was born, I spiraled into previous unknown depths of depression and misery. I couldn’t stand the sight of him and wondered where this foreign looking creature came from and how I could give him back. When my third child was diagnosed with a congenital heart defect at 28 weeks gestation, I blamed myself for drinking too much Dr. Pepper, forgetting to take my prenatal vitamins for two weeks while we were on vacation in New York – even going so far as to blame my proximity to the microwave for his malformed heart.
Now my “bad” mothering encompasses yelling too much, spending too much time on the computer, throwing away countless school assignments, and not being a presence at school parties.
In Aylete Waldman’s treatise on motherhood – Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace, she writes brilliantly, that, guess what moms – we are OK and our kids will be just fine.
Her commentary covers everything from her relationship with her husband to her mother-in-law (a chapter I actually skipped, because my mother in law died a year after our daughter was born); she tackles breast feeding Nazis, her battle with bipolar disorder, her son’s failure to thrive at 2 weeks and another son’s ADHD. The most poignant, painful and heartbreaking is the chapter on “Rocketship” her third child, who was diagnosed with a chromosomal defect during an amniocentesis. After an intense internal battle, she decides to terminate her pregnancy. In blunt prose she admits, “…I killed him.” I’m not here to cast judgment on Ms. Waldman, but, boy, that was a tough chapter to get through.
Ultimately, Ms. Waldman councils: I think it’s worth trying to be a mother who delights in who her children are…a mother who spends less time obsessing about what will happen, or what has happened and more time reveling in what IS. A mother who doesn’t fret over failings and slights…a mother who doesn’t worry so much about being bad or good, but just recognizes she’s both and neither. A mother who does her best, and for whom that is good enough, even if, in the end, her best turns out to be, simply, not bad.
I want to be that mother – a mother that knows her failings and limitations, but also knows that she loves her children desperately, and that even when I think I’m bad, I’m still pretty darn good.
Now my “bad” mothering encompasses yelling too much, spending too much time on the computer, throwing away countless school assignments, and not being a presence at school parties.
In Aylete Waldman’s treatise on motherhood – Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace, she writes brilliantly, that, guess what moms – we are OK and our kids will be just fine.
Her commentary covers everything from her relationship with her husband to her mother-in-law (a chapter I actually skipped, because my mother in law died a year after our daughter was born); she tackles breast feeding Nazis, her battle with bipolar disorder, her son’s failure to thrive at 2 weeks and another son’s ADHD. The most poignant, painful and heartbreaking is the chapter on “Rocketship” her third child, who was diagnosed with a chromosomal defect during an amniocentesis. After an intense internal battle, she decides to terminate her pregnancy. In blunt prose she admits, “…I killed him.” I’m not here to cast judgment on Ms. Waldman, but, boy, that was a tough chapter to get through.
Ultimately, Ms. Waldman councils: I think it’s worth trying to be a mother who delights in who her children are…a mother who spends less time obsessing about what will happen, or what has happened and more time reveling in what IS. A mother who doesn’t fret over failings and slights…a mother who doesn’t worry so much about being bad or good, but just recognizes she’s both and neither. A mother who does her best, and for whom that is good enough, even if, in the end, her best turns out to be, simply, not bad.
I want to be that mother – a mother that knows her failings and limitations, but also knows that she loves her children desperately, and that even when I think I’m bad, I’m still pretty darn good.
The Bad Mother book by Ayelet Waldman was stunning. It made me realize how awful mothers can be to each other. In reality we should all choose to support one another and our decision to raise our family how we see fit.
Not all parenting styles are going to match every viewpoint. Some of us spank, some use time-out and some do nothing altogether. None are deemed better than others, only opinion marks that. As long as love, adequate attention and nurturing (as well as the required nutrition and safety) are given within a family, who is to judge about the extras.
It is a great book for a new mother embarking on the world of the "Bath Mother Police". The way Ayelet describes it, shows us that nearly everyone is subject to it.
As a mother to a 5 month old daughter. I know that I am not perfect, but I try everyday to raise her in the way that I know suits our family and what I considered the best possible family lifestyle for her. I love her more than words can imagine.
Not all parenting styles are going to match every viewpoint. Some of us spank, some use time-out and some do nothing altogether. None are deemed better than others, only opinion marks that. As long as love, adequate attention and nurturing (as well as the required nutrition and safety) are given within a family, who is to judge about the extras.
It is a great book for a new mother embarking on the world of the "Bath Mother Police". The way Ayelet describes it, shows us that nearly everyone is subject to it.
As a mother to a 5 month old daughter. I know that I am not perfect, but I try everyday to raise her in the way that I know suits our family and what I considered the best possible family lifestyle for her. I love her more than words can imagine.
I appreciate Waldman's writing and Internet presence (like Twitter). She is passionate and honest. This book had some good moments for me, like when she talks about the difference between her first child's mother and her fourth's, and in between (how she's changed). Other experiences fell flat, perhaps because I can't relate. Her honesty is sometimes hard to read (would I make the same choices? I don't know.). I'm blessed the only Mommy Warring in my life is the one I read about. I have no firsthand experience with it.
I like Ayelet Waldman and I like this collection, but I was expecting a little more fire.