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bookph1le's review against another edition
5.0
Easily one of the most gut-wrenching books I've ever read. I was wiping away tears seconds before typing this. I really recommend both this book and [b:All the Rage|21853636|All the Rage|Courtney Summers|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1410879862s/21853636.jpg|18982890] to everyone, male and female alike. Some spoilers to follow.
We need to keep talking and talking and talking about sexual assault, doing our best to wipe out its scourge. Just as importantly, we need to change the conversation, to get away from the horrific victim-blaming and general rape culture that contribute to the problem of women and young girls being treated like objects rather than human beings. We need to change the conversation so that we're telling men not to rape instead of telling women how not to get raped. Yes, it may sound cliched and heavy-handed to call a book important, but this book is Important.
I don't doubt that there will be reviews that mention how unsympathetic Emma is. I'm positive this was a deliberate decision. In the beginning of the book, we do see how petty and mean-spirited Emma can be, and it is hard to sympathize with her. I can make plenty of arguments about how she's a product of her culture, about how the constant emphasis on a girl's looks lead girls to focus on those looks to the exclusion of all else. I can talk about how girlhood has become the ultimate competition in which the grand prize is earning the attention and adulation of every desirable boy because, after all, don't we teach our girls that their job is to be adored, and that the only proof of their success lies in a boy's demanding their attention? Yes, Emma makes some bad choices, and yes she is often not a nice person, but in the end, none of that matters. She is a victim. No human being deserves to be treated the way she is treated, both during her assault and throughout its aftermath.
There is so much in this book that O'Neill does well. She's so good at making her words brutal and devastating and unadorned. But the most disturbing part is that a lot of what she writes isn't a product of her inventive mind, it's a reflection of what's visible in society. She is holding a mirror up to what's actually going on and giving readers a chance to get on the inside. How many times do newspapers take a disturbingly sympathetic tone toward rapists, talking about how their lives are "ruined", as if the heinous truth of the acts they've committed is somehow worse than their violating their victims, robbing them of their bodily autonomy, their security, and far too often their very sense of self? Talk about a life being ruined. And yet we still have court systems in which it's deemed accessible for victims to be grilled about what they were wearing, what they drank, and peppered with questions about their sexual history and if they might have mislead their attacker. How many times have we all heard pundits debating over girls being too forward, dressing too sexily, and inciting in their victims a frenzied need to take advantage, as if men are one step above beasts, all but unable to control their own impulses? It's deplorable to me that in the 21st century, it's still so common to hear such talk.
I also found it very real and raw how O'Neill handled the reactions of the people around Emma, some of whom are ready to thrust all responsibility on her until her case is investigated, giving it a sheen of authenticity that causes them to change their tune and hasten to position themselves as being on her side. There's a reason why advocates talk about the importance of bystander interventions, and this book does a stellar job of pointing them out. Emma isn't alone in worrying about appearing too shrill or too bossy or too unlikable, to each and every person's detriment. Passivity is an enabler, and while the blame for a crime always lies with the perpetrator, there's no denying that standing idly by is tantamount to aiding and abetting. We all need to learn that keeping our mouths shut is exactly the wrong thing to do.
Another thing that struck me was how Emma's family personalized the experience. Of course something like this is going to affect the people close to her, but it was excruciating to watch the way her family reacted to her assault. Really, I think there's a larger point here: as a society, we're very uncomfortable with crimes like these--as well we should be--so many people seek to deal with that discomfort by sweeping the crime under the rug. By ignoring it and fooling ourselves into believing it doesn't happen, that it's not that common, that victims can somehow prevent themselves from becoming victims, we comfort ourselves with this: not in my house. It's so much easier to pretend that something that terrible could never happen to ourselves or someone we love than it is to confront the problem and do something about it. As horrified as I was by Emma's parents' reactions in particular, I didn't think they seemed unrealistic. I could buy that some parents would be unable to deal with a situation like that, that they would struggle with believing their daughter bore some responsibility.
Honestly, I think books like this should be part of school curriculum, because this is a conversation that's far too important not to be had. I know the likelihood of that is low because there are far too many people who would be violently opposed, but burying our heads in the sand is not going to make this problem go away. All you need to do is spend a little time looking at dating violence and sexual assault statistics for minors and you'll have trouble ever sleeping again. This problem is real, it is happening far too often, and it is not going to go away until we actually do something about it. If a book like this can spur even one person into taking action, even it can wake one person up to things they refused to see, then this book is doing us all a great service.
We need to keep talking and talking and talking about sexual assault, doing our best to wipe out its scourge. Just as importantly, we need to change the conversation, to get away from the horrific victim-blaming and general rape culture that contribute to the problem of women and young girls being treated like objects rather than human beings. We need to change the conversation so that we're telling men not to rape instead of telling women how not to get raped. Yes, it may sound cliched and heavy-handed to call a book important, but this book is Important.
I don't doubt that there will be reviews that mention how unsympathetic Emma is. I'm positive this was a deliberate decision. In the beginning of the book, we do see how petty and mean-spirited Emma can be, and it is hard to sympathize with her. I can make plenty of arguments about how she's a product of her culture, about how the constant emphasis on a girl's looks lead girls to focus on those looks to the exclusion of all else. I can talk about how girlhood has become the ultimate competition in which the grand prize is earning the attention and adulation of every desirable boy because, after all, don't we teach our girls that their job is to be adored, and that the only proof of their success lies in a boy's demanding their attention? Yes, Emma makes some bad choices, and yes she is often not a nice person, but in the end, none of that matters. She is a victim. No human being deserves to be treated the way she is treated, both during her assault and throughout its aftermath.
There is so much in this book that O'Neill does well. She's so good at making her words brutal and devastating and unadorned. But the most disturbing part is that a lot of what she writes isn't a product of her inventive mind, it's a reflection of what's visible in society. She is holding a mirror up to what's actually going on and giving readers a chance to get on the inside. How many times do newspapers take a disturbingly sympathetic tone toward rapists, talking about how their lives are "ruined", as if the heinous truth of the acts they've committed is somehow worse than their violating their victims, robbing them of their bodily autonomy, their security, and far too often their very sense of self? Talk about a life being ruined. And yet we still have court systems in which it's deemed accessible for victims to be grilled about what they were wearing, what they drank, and peppered with questions about their sexual history and if they might have mislead their attacker. How many times have we all heard pundits debating over girls being too forward, dressing too sexily, and inciting in their victims a frenzied need to take advantage, as if men are one step above beasts, all but unable to control their own impulses? It's deplorable to me that in the 21st century, it's still so common to hear such talk.
I also found it very real and raw how O'Neill handled the reactions of the people around Emma, some of whom are ready to thrust all responsibility on her until her case is investigated, giving it a sheen of authenticity that causes them to change their tune and hasten to position themselves as being on her side. There's a reason why advocates talk about the importance of bystander interventions, and this book does a stellar job of pointing them out. Emma isn't alone in worrying about appearing too shrill or too bossy or too unlikable, to each and every person's detriment. Passivity is an enabler, and while the blame for a crime always lies with the perpetrator, there's no denying that standing idly by is tantamount to aiding and abetting. We all need to learn that keeping our mouths shut is exactly the wrong thing to do.
Another thing that struck me was how Emma's family personalized the experience. Of course something like this is going to affect the people close to her, but it was excruciating to watch the way her family reacted to her assault. Really, I think there's a larger point here: as a society, we're very uncomfortable with crimes like these--as well we should be--so many people seek to deal with that discomfort by sweeping the crime under the rug. By ignoring it and fooling ourselves into believing it doesn't happen, that it's not that common, that victims can somehow prevent themselves from becoming victims, we comfort ourselves with this: not in my house. It's so much easier to pretend that something that terrible could never happen to ourselves or someone we love than it is to confront the problem and do something about it. As horrified as I was by Emma's parents' reactions in particular, I didn't think they seemed unrealistic. I could buy that some parents would be unable to deal with a situation like that, that they would struggle with believing their daughter bore some responsibility.
Honestly, I think books like this should be part of school curriculum, because this is a conversation that's far too important not to be had. I know the likelihood of that is low because there are far too many people who would be violently opposed, but burying our heads in the sand is not going to make this problem go away. All you need to do is spend a little time looking at dating violence and sexual assault statistics for minors and you'll have trouble ever sleeping again. This problem is real, it is happening far too often, and it is not going to go away until we actually do something about it. If a book like this can spur even one person into taking action, even it can wake one person up to things they refused to see, then this book is doing us all a great service.
emilyhoey's review against another edition
dark
emotional
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.25
lucyclaydonsmith's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.0
slavic_bookworm's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
4.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape
olivia_b2509's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.5
dunder_mifflin's review against another edition
5.0
i can't stop crying it was so real and i could relate so much to some of emma's thoughts/feelings/whatever and it was just so awful and i hate men
logolepsy_e's review against another edition
4.0
They are all innocent until proven guilty. But not me. I am a liar until I am proven honest.
Io mi sono innamorata di questa autrice e non capisco perché il mondo non la idolatri insieme a me.
Anche in questo secondo suo libro, Louise O'Neill affronta una tematica forte e difficile, e lo fa magistralmente.
La storia è quella di una ragazza irlandese, Emma, da sempre bella da morire. Tutti gli occhi del paese erano sempre puntati su di lei quando usciva, faceva girare la testa a qualunque ragazzo e tutti le consigliavano di fare la modella. Emma inizialmente è una ragazza superficiale, un po' arrogante, consapevole della sua bellezza e del modo migliore di sfruttarla. Una ragazza che, a primo impatto, pochi giudicherebbero positivamente.
Ma Emma sta giocando troppo col fuoco, e il suo atteggiamento la porterà ben presto a subire un avvenimento che le cambierà la vita per sempre.
Questo libro è scritto molto bene. Un po' lento all'inizio, nel presentarci la protagonista e il mondo che la circonda, per farci capire bene il suo carattere e la sua personalità, ma poi si riprende e dopo il grande "guaio" le pagine si divorano in fretta.
La grande abilità della O'Neill in questo romanzo è quella di dipingere alla perfezione il cambiamento di Emma. Attraverso i suoi pensieri capiamo le sue emozioni e i suoi sentimenti e, un pungo allo stomaco dopo l'altro, ci immedesimiamo perfettamente nella sua situazione. Anche gli altri personaggi sono delineati magistralmente: le amiche, il fratello, il resto del paese e, soprattutto i genitori.
Non vado oltre per non svelare punti salienti della trama. Ma, ancora una volta, questo è un libro che colpisce e sconvolge. Mostra una cruda realtà di tutti i giorni che però è ignorata dai più. Slut shaming e victim blaming non potrebbero essere dipinti in modo migliore di questo. Questo romanzo dovrebbe essere tradotto al più presto e distribuito a chiunque, fatto leggere al maggior numero di persone possibili perché, per una volta nella vita, la smettano di esprimere le loro opinioni e provino ad ascoltare.
fantasynovel's review against another edition
4.0
CW for sexual assault
I've been thinking about this book a lot, and I'm removing a star bc it didn't do enough to show that even "small" rape is still ... rape. Before all the "bad stuff" happens, the main character is already raped. It's very fast; she says "I want to go back to the party" but she's really drunk and the boy she's with doesn't listen to her. And this is never revisited as rape. It's all about what happens later that night, when she's raped by four boys while unconscious. While this is clearly a terrible, terrible thing, it makes it seem like saying no while you're drunk isn't enough to make a "real" rape. You have to be unconscious, brutally assaulted, and then peed on for it to count. Idk if this makes any sense, it's just what I was thinking about.
I've been thinking about this book a lot, and I'm removing a star bc it didn't do enough to show that even "small" rape is still ... rape. Before all the "bad stuff" happens, the main character is already raped. It's very fast; she says "I want to go back to the party" but she's really drunk and the boy she's with doesn't listen to her. And this is never revisited as rape. It's all about what happens later that night, when she's raped by four boys while unconscious. While this is clearly a terrible, terrible thing, it makes it seem like saying no while you're drunk isn't enough to make a "real" rape. You have to be unconscious, brutally assaulted, and then peed on for it to count. Idk if this makes any sense, it's just what I was thinking about.
teokajlibroj's review against another edition
5.0
An absolutely fantastic book. It is a very powerful read that stays in your mind for a long time after. The main theme is rape and how a small Irish town responds to it. But the characters are not black-and-white, and the main character is a bit of a bitch at first and then a complete wreck after. What struck me most was how realistic the book was. Although it is fiction, most of the events did happen somewhere and there are many references that give it a uniquely Irish feel. Although a lot of discussion about rape culture comes from America, this is a very Irish novel. There is no uplifting Hollywood ending and the main character never fights the system. She just wants to be an ordinary girl.
I highly recommend it.
I highly recommend it.
katykelly's review against another edition
5.0
A Mean Girl's story... How would you feel if the popular but not-very-nice girl had something pretty horrific happen to her?
O'Neill's debut - Only Ever Yours - was one of the most stunningly original and powerful Young Adult books I've ever read. I can see the continuing theme of women, power and powerlessness carried on in her second book, which is just as thought-provoking (and might I say a huge 'well done' to the creator of the covers of both, just perfect , and beautifully co-ordinated).
Set in Ireland, Emma O'Donovan is beautiful, popular and doing well in the months before her exams. We can see she's perhaps not the nicest of people - cruel to her 'friends', a tease with boys, worshipped at home and school, she's top of the pile. Until one party...
Unable to remember anything the next morning, social media tells the story all too clearly. Or does it?
The novel tells the tale of Emma's plummet from the heights of popularity, we see the reactions around her as family, school, the media take sides. What did she do? Was it her fault? And what SHOULD she do?
Do we want to gloat that the mean b!t@h got taken down a peg? Is it that simple? Emma's perspective shows us it really isn't.
Emma is a very well-drawn character. You have little sympathy for her at the start, though the way males around her treat girls, and how she deals with this began to soften my feelings. Post-party, there's a huge shift in loyalties and sympathies, and Emma represents more than just one accuser, she is all teenage girls and women who have to fight for their rights against their community feelings, the media, who see what they want to see.
Deliberately vague? Sorry, it's a better read if you go into it not knowing what happens.
This isn't a book you 'enjoy' but it is one you won't forget, one you'll race to the end of to find out what happens. With Only Ever Yours I felt shocked and so, so sad at the end. Asking For It dredged up similar feelings, though Emma's story is not at an end.
O'Neill seems determined to make a point about young women. I would suggest that this is a book (alongside its predecessor) that is used in GCSE (or A-Level) classes to stimulate discussion with both genders - I want boys to think about how they treat girls, and girls to consider how they expect to be treated and why.
To say this 'makes a good point' is an understatement. It's powerful, explicit on more than one occasion (parental advisory: not for primary-aged readers) and very, very important.
Review of a Lovereading.co.uk advance copy.
O'Neill's debut - Only Ever Yours - was one of the most stunningly original and powerful Young Adult books I've ever read. I can see the continuing theme of women, power and powerlessness carried on in her second book, which is just as thought-provoking (and might I say a huge 'well done' to the creator of the covers of both, just perfect , and beautifully co-ordinated).
Set in Ireland, Emma O'Donovan is beautiful, popular and doing well in the months before her exams. We can see she's perhaps not the nicest of people - cruel to her 'friends', a tease with boys, worshipped at home and school, she's top of the pile. Until one party...
Unable to remember anything the next morning, social media tells the story all too clearly. Or does it?
The novel tells the tale of Emma's plummet from the heights of popularity, we see the reactions around her as family, school, the media take sides. What did she do? Was it her fault? And what SHOULD she do?
Do we want to gloat that the mean b!t@h got taken down a peg? Is it that simple? Emma's perspective shows us it really isn't.
Emma is a very well-drawn character. You have little sympathy for her at the start, though the way males around her treat girls, and how she deals with this began to soften my feelings. Post-party, there's a huge shift in loyalties and sympathies, and Emma represents more than just one accuser, she is all teenage girls and women who have to fight for their rights against their community feelings, the media, who see what they want to see.
Deliberately vague? Sorry, it's a better read if you go into it not knowing what happens.
This isn't a book you 'enjoy' but it is one you won't forget, one you'll race to the end of to find out what happens. With Only Ever Yours I felt shocked and so, so sad at the end. Asking For It dredged up similar feelings, though Emma's story is not at an end.
O'Neill seems determined to make a point about young women. I would suggest that this is a book (alongside its predecessor) that is used in GCSE (or A-Level) classes to stimulate discussion with both genders - I want boys to think about how they treat girls, and girls to consider how they expect to be treated and why.
To say this 'makes a good point' is an understatement. It's powerful, explicit on more than one occasion (parental advisory: not for primary-aged readers) and very, very important.
Review of a Lovereading.co.uk advance copy.