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alaiyo0685's review
4.0
I knew this book was going to scare me, as the monogamish partner of a polyamorous person who isn't very comfortable with the whole idea of loving multiple people, and it did. Though very different from More than Two, I think this is a very well-written book. I wish that we had been able to see more of how Celeste actually felt and what she actually thought, instead of just Franklin's interpretations of where she was coming from emotionally. As he states himself multiple times in the book, he doesn't understand monogamy, which was painfully apparent to me as he described fears his secondary partners had or conditions they were living under as unfair without seeming to realize how Celeste was also living under those conditions/fears simply by being with someone who had other loves as a mono-amorous person. That was difficult for me, and keeps the book from getting a fifth star from me.
justfoxie's review
2.0
I didn't write a review when I originally read this book back in 2016, but I rated it 4 stars and as I was building an unexpected, intense relationship with a new partner at the time, it really resonated.
However,many of the key women in this book have recently (2019) come out with a very different perspective that has totally changed my view. I would encourage anyone who reads this book to also read their perspective and decide for yourself.
https://polyamory-metoo.com
However,many of the key women in this book have recently (2019) come out with a very different perspective that has totally changed my view. I would encourage anyone who reads this book to also read their perspective and decide for yourself.
https://polyamory-metoo.com
mzjai117's review
4.0
The author, Franklin Veaux, is the grandfather of modern polyamory in my opinion. His memoir highlighted all his struggles with navigating non monogamous relationships when there was no such thing. He made errors that I'm grateful for, sad to say. Those errors made it a lesson on how to treat your partners ethically and with compassion along with not losing who you were ultimately.
His wife Celeste, was a classic example of someone who had a lot of insecurities about herself. Later on in the book it pointed out that she never considered herself polyamorous but monogamous while having sexual relationships with men that she never loved.
Sadly, I know someone who deals with this. While I read it I grew angrier and angrier because this scenario is what someone I care about is experiencing.
I really would like to one day speak to Mr Veaux and thank him for his contributions.
His wife Celeste, was a classic example of someone who had a lot of insecurities about herself. Later on in the book it pointed out that she never considered herself polyamorous but monogamous while having sexual relationships with men that she never loved.
Sadly, I know someone who deals with this. While I read it I grew angrier and angrier because this scenario is what someone I care about is experiencing.
I really would like to one day speak to Mr Veaux and thank him for his contributions.
kpetras's review
4.0
Full review here http://www.thelastchancetosee.com/2015/10/thegamechanger/
The takeaway from The Game Changer shouldn't be that polyamory is bad, or good. It shouldn't be that everyone needs to go and find three boyfriends or girlfriends right now, or that we need to go give up all hope of ever finding a perfect romance. The takeaway should be that whatever type of relationship is right for you, know that it is going to be challenging. It will require work. It will require you to be aware of people around you, because your actions will affect more than just you and your partner. And, most importantly, if you're a giraffe hanging out with alligators, go find the giraffes.
The takeaway from The Game Changer shouldn't be that polyamory is bad, or good. It shouldn't be that everyone needs to go and find three boyfriends or girlfriends right now, or that we need to go give up all hope of ever finding a perfect romance. The takeaway should be that whatever type of relationship is right for you, know that it is going to be challenging. It will require work. It will require you to be aware of people around you, because your actions will affect more than just you and your partner. And, most importantly, if you're a giraffe hanging out with alligators, go find the giraffes.
koob's review
2.0
An easy book to read, an easy guy to react negatively to.
I picked this up because Multiamory talks of Franklin Veaux as being a top read in the limited pool of poly books. Classic story of the kind of person that has his voice heard and leads the way for the rest. I chose not to waste my time or mind on a memoir of mild male narcissism.
Women and queers to the front!
A star was given for the self reflection it helped me with.
I picked this up because Multiamory talks of Franklin Veaux as being a top read in the limited pool of poly books. Classic story of the kind of person that has his voice heard and leads the way for the rest. I chose not to waste my time or mind on a memoir of mild male narcissism.
Women and queers to the front!
A star was given for the self reflection it helped me with.
rowena0528's review
5.0
Loved reading this memoir by Franklin Veaux. Since he was first navigating being polyamorous before the age of the internet, it's fascinating to read about his experiences and how they've helped him grow.
twirlsandwhirls's review
3.0
I read The Game Changer for book club. It was a pretty quick read, not too deep and not too many pages. The book was not what I expected at all. I thought it'd be about one relationship that changed it all for Franklin Veaux. I imagined that Franklin had been in poly relationships for a long time and that this one, whatever it was, happened to be different enough to shift the way he shapes relationships forever.
I was partly right. There was a relationship that changed them all for him, but there were also many others that shaped him, too. Those relationships are also what the book is about. In fact, that's one of the weaknesses in his storytelling, I find. He busies himself with telling a dozen stories of love and relationships chronologically rather than focusing on one main story. The narrative is weak as well. Each chapter feels like he's saying "... and then this new thing happened! Can you believe it?" He is always surprised that a relationship of his is evolving or ending, or that a new secondary relationship could potentially fundamentally change his primary one.
After about Chapter 7, things picked up. I wasn't reading about his relationships from his early twenties anymore or how he dawdled his way out of college life. Reading about his adult years was much more interesting. The narrative style still hadn't changed, though. Everything that happened in his relationships was still a surprise to him. He couldn't see that the way he chose to frame his polyamorous relationships in a hierarchy was hurting his partners, himself, his primary, his friends, and his community. I like this chapter because it's the start of Franklin questioning his beliefs about relationships. I learned about the Secondary's Bill of Rights through this book. That is definitely an upside.
I wouldn't recommend this book unless someone wanted to read a personal story about how hierarchies failed him. It's not that this is a bad book, it's just that it isn't an exceptional book. It felt, as quick a read as it was, like I was trudging through repetitive storytelling. I prefer my books about polyamory to have more information about how to communicate in a way that avoids the situations in The Game Changer. I'm interested, for that very reason, in reading his other book: More Than Two.
I was partly right. There was a relationship that changed them all for him, but there were also many others that shaped him, too. Those relationships are also what the book is about. In fact, that's one of the weaknesses in his storytelling, I find. He busies himself with telling a dozen stories of love and relationships chronologically rather than focusing on one main story. The narrative is weak as well. Each chapter feels like he's saying "... and then this new thing happened! Can you believe it?" He is always surprised that a relationship of his is evolving or ending, or that a new secondary relationship could potentially fundamentally change his primary one.
After about Chapter 7, things picked up. I wasn't reading about his relationships from his early twenties anymore or how he dawdled his way out of college life. Reading about his adult years was much more interesting. The narrative style still hadn't changed, though. Everything that happened in his relationships was still a surprise to him. He couldn't see that the way he chose to frame his polyamorous relationships in a hierarchy was hurting his partners, himself, his primary, his friends, and his community. I like this chapter because it's the start of Franklin questioning his beliefs about relationships. I learned about the Secondary's Bill of Rights through this book. That is definitely an upside.
I wouldn't recommend this book unless someone wanted to read a personal story about how hierarchies failed him. It's not that this is a bad book, it's just that it isn't an exceptional book. It felt, as quick a read as it was, like I was trudging through repetitive storytelling. I prefer my books about polyamory to have more information about how to communicate in a way that avoids the situations in The Game Changer. I'm interested, for that very reason, in reading his other book: More Than Two.
whittenholmes's review
0.5
The author of this book has been revealed to be a serial abuser; for context and further reading, see Polyamory's #meetoo — voices from The Game Changer.