Take a photo of a barcode or cover
3.98 AVERAGE
3.98 AVERAGE
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
Conflicted feelings about this one. There are parts of Nicole Chung's memoir I really connect to, such as her assertion that adoption is neither good nor bad. Rather, it is too complex to be defined as either one or the other. However, I am not a fan of her implication that adoption is "unnatural" because it severs the supposed bond that exists between mother and child. As a transracial adoptee myself, I am so tired of the prevailing notion that a parent is inherently connected to their child from the moment of birth. We all know that family, whether biological or not, is formed through kinship and concerted effort. So why do we as a society continue to position adoption and other forms of family making as less than because it is not based in biology?
In all fairness, I understand that Chung's characterization of adoption is shaped by her own personal circumstances. And I acknowledge that every adoptee has the right to approach their adoption differently. However, I just could not shake my discomfort with Chung's positioning of biology as a salve that healed her turmoil over being adopted.
In all fairness, I understand that Chung's characterization of adoption is shaped by her own personal circumstances. And I acknowledge that every adoptee has the right to approach their adoption differently. However, I just could not shake my discomfort with Chung's positioning of biology as a salve that healed her turmoil over being adopted.
A deeply introspective memoir of Nicole Chung's transracial adoption and her subsequent journey to discover her own identity, her birth family and the reason why she was given away to be raised by others. And not only coming to terms with it but also helping other families who are interested in adopting children of different race to understand the complexities involved in doing so.
~review with slight spoilers and my personal experiences~
Nicole Chung’s All You Can Ever Know is a revelation.
I signed up for a trial of Audible, and this book was my very first choice. It took me a little under two days to finish it, which is insane because I’m not exactly good with listening to audiobooks.
Maybe this book is an outlier, because it is riveting.
I’m not an adoptee, but as an adult half-Korean dealing with estranged relations with both parents, I found myself near tears as Nicole shared her journey of reaching out to her birth parents, and discovering an amazing new relationship with her sister.
Throughout this entire book, I couldn’t help but reflect on my own experiences. Doing your best to be a “good daughter” and the constant fear of disappointing family members. This was a very hard read (or listen in my case), but I also couldn’t stop.
I do my best as an oldest sister and daughter to be the best I can be. Yes, it ends up costing me more than I should be giving, but it’s amazing how others like Nicole Chung was able to overcome constantly worrying about the feelings of her adopted parents, birth parents, husband, children, and birth sisters. Despite all of her worries, she was able to take actions that ultimately brought her peace.
I aspire to be this brave.
Near the end, Nicole reveals that her relationship with her birth mother is estranged. It’s crazy because as a child, reaching out and connecting with her birth mother was always an essential goal. The relationship isn’t exactly toxic, but Nicole shares that while it’s hard when her mother contacts her, she doesn’t have the heart to tell her mother not to call her any more.
This was SO jarring to me. I have family members that do not approve of how I manage and balance relationships with my parents after their divorce. I’ve spent so much of my growing years as a mediator between my military father and Korean mother. Years of shouldering and embracing the burden of being the “needed” glue to hold them together. While it inflicted lasting damage to my psyche and self-worth (which I continue to struggle with to this day), I could not imagine that anyone else would understand why I continue to let my parents treat me the way they do. Why I let my siblings think that I’m crazy for putting up with it.
There is no answer on how to deal with these kinds of relationships. Not if you are someone that treasures the few relationships they DO have, that the thought of severing even the most toxic of relationships crushes you.
Hearing Nicole mirror my own feelings and struggles was a balm. This book is lovely. Thank you so much for sharing your story with the world.
Nicole Chung’s All You Can Ever Know is a revelation.
I signed up for a trial of Audible, and this book was my very first choice. It took me a little under two days to finish it, which is insane because I’m not exactly good with listening to audiobooks.
Maybe this book is an outlier, because it is riveting.
I’m not an adoptee, but as an adult half-Korean dealing with estranged relations with both parents, I found myself near tears as Nicole shared her journey of reaching out to her birth parents, and discovering an amazing new relationship with her sister.
Throughout this entire book, I couldn’t help but reflect on my own experiences. Doing your best to be a “good daughter” and the constant fear of disappointing family members. This was a very hard read (or listen in my case), but I also couldn’t stop.
I do my best as an oldest sister and daughter to be the best I can be. Yes, it ends up costing me more than I should be giving, but it’s amazing how others like Nicole Chung was able to overcome constantly worrying about the feelings of her adopted parents, birth parents, husband, children, and birth sisters. Despite all of her worries, she was able to take actions that ultimately brought her peace.
I aspire to be this brave.
Near the end, Nicole reveals that her relationship with her birth mother is estranged. It’s crazy because as a child, reaching out and connecting with her birth mother was always an essential goal. The relationship isn’t exactly toxic, but Nicole shares that while it’s hard when her mother contacts her, she doesn’t have the heart to tell her mother not to call her any more.
This was SO jarring to me. I have family members that do not approve of how I manage and balance relationships with my parents after their divorce. I’ve spent so much of my growing years as a mediator between my military father and Korean mother. Years of shouldering and embracing the burden of being the “needed” glue to hold them together. While it inflicted lasting damage to my psyche and self-worth (which I continue to struggle with to this day), I could not imagine that anyone else would understand why I continue to let my parents treat me the way they do. Why I let my siblings think that I’m crazy for putting up with it.
There is no answer on how to deal with these kinds of relationships. Not if you are someone that treasures the few relationships they DO have, that the thought of severing even the most toxic of relationships crushes you.
Hearing Nicole mirror my own feelings and struggles was a balm. This book is lovely. Thank you so much for sharing your story with the world.
As a transracial adoptee Chungs story intersected often with my own. Chung’s writing style is conversational and told her truths about adoption.
This book gives a voice to adoptees, a view of adoptive parents, and birth families. Chung navigates her adoption as she begins her journey to motherhood. She often speaks on the challenges of being adopted that continue into adulthood and parenting.
I consider this book a must read for transracial adoptees who have children of their own. A tool for conversations of the adoptee perspective.
This book gives a voice to adoptees, a view of adoptive parents, and birth families. Chung navigates her adoption as she begins her journey to motherhood. She often speaks on the challenges of being adopted that continue into adulthood and parenting.
I consider this book a must read for transracial adoptees who have children of their own. A tool for conversations of the adoptee perspective.
A beautifully written and nuanced memoir about one woman's experience as an adopted daughter and experience finding her birth family. I was particularly struck by how empathetic she was toward both her adopted and birth families. I highly recommend this book!
Gorgeous book. So beautifully written, so nuanced. Lots to think about.
This lovely memoir tells the story of Nicole Chung's decision to search for her birth family. She's born to Korean parents who give her up for adoption to a nice white couple. The story they tell Nicole is simple and happy, that they gave her away so she could have a better life. As she grows older, Nicole begins to doubt the narrative she's been told and to wonder about the details.
Not everything she finds out has a happy ending. She's still estranged from her birth mother by the end of the book. But she does end up connecting with her older birth sister and that relationship seems to be healing for them both.
Chung writes about it all with such compassion and love for everyone involved. I really enjoyed this very much. I think anyone could appreciate it, but it would likely be especially moving to other adoptees.
Not everything she finds out has a happy ending. She's still estranged from her birth mother by the end of the book. But she does end up connecting with her older birth sister and that relationship seems to be healing for them both.
Chung writes about it all with such compassion and love for everyone involved. I really enjoyed this very much. I think anyone could appreciate it, but it would likely be especially moving to other adoptees.
I really wanted to like this book but it was super repetitive and didn’t really have a solid timeline.
I would’ve enjoyed this as an essay.
I would’ve enjoyed this as an essay.
I've been a fan of Nicole Chung since the days of The Toast (rest in peace). This book is beautifully written. Nicole is compassionate and insightful. Her story of the family she was adopted into and the family she chose to create is simply beautiful.