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ec_newman's review
4.0
So much I related to and so much I differed on. This will make me muse for a long while. I'm mostly appreciative that Bolick gave me so much history on women, and women writers. I think I added five new books to read while reading this.
---
I was reading/skimming over the reviews and found that just like Bolick does in the book, the reviewers view Bolick’s experiences through their own, very specific lens. Bolick herself does this when researching her ‘awakeners’, comparing them to her and her experiences. There is nothing wrong with this; it is often how we see the world, but in realizing that, I see how narrowed a reading experience can be. And in some ways, I disagree with Bolick. She and I have really different beliefs on a number of things. However, the similarities are comforting for me. That my weird dichotomous desire for love and companionship, yet deep-seated need for solitude is not just me.
This book makes me want to find my own ‘awakeners’ and have a few conversations.
--
I had a very nice short twitter convo with the author.
Kate Bolick @katebolick May 16
@ec_newman TY for "getting" my project: Show my highly subjective experience so others can agree/disagree=ENGAGE + find own awakeners.
E C Newman
@katebolick I'm a southerner so I feel like I need to be checking out southern spinster writers :) TY again for your openness & honesty.
Kate Bolick
@ec_newman YES -- a whole book in itself, really. I wanted to include (particularly as I'm half southern!) but just didn't have time/space.
E C Newman
@katebolick Flannery o'Connor is first on my list.
Kate Bolick
@ec_newman Indisputably!
Which totally made my day because holy cow, I had a conversation with the author!! (cue star-struck expression).
And maybe that's it. She says that her book is entirely subjective, which as a nonfiction memoir/autobiography,....whatever you call it, of course it's subjective. I don't get why anyone reading it would deny her the chance to share her life and experience.
It's an interesting read and I went in with curiosity and a hope to learn something new. I enjoyed finding out about the five awakeners: Neith Boyce, Maeve Brennan, Charlotte Gilman, Edna St. Vincent Millay, and Edith Wharton. Millay is fairly new to me, so learning about her rather...intense life was fun. The history of single women and their role in society, not a lesson I ever got in school. I'm grateful to get to see the world from a new angle.
Bolick's life is very different than mine. She grew up in New England, she moved to NYC, she lost her mom in her early twenties. We don't have a lot in common on the surface. She has dated way more than I have (which really is a pretty low bar to overcome. I'm not much of a dater), and judging from the cover, she is exceptionally pretty. She's older than I and her views on what belongs in marriage are different than my views.
Despite all those differences, I related. The wanting independence and living alone. The need and desire to write, but having no time because bills need to be paid. Watching so many friends get married...I get all that. And knowing that someone else out there wants to be loved and to love, yet enjoys her aloneness, that's incredibly comforting. That my experiences are mine, but they are not completely foreign to others.
---
I was reading/skimming over the reviews and found that just like Bolick does in the book, the reviewers view Bolick’s experiences through their own, very specific lens. Bolick herself does this when researching her ‘awakeners’, comparing them to her and her experiences. There is nothing wrong with this; it is often how we see the world, but in realizing that, I see how narrowed a reading experience can be. And in some ways, I disagree with Bolick. She and I have really different beliefs on a number of things. However, the similarities are comforting for me. That my weird dichotomous desire for love and companionship, yet deep-seated need for solitude is not just me.
This book makes me want to find my own ‘awakeners’ and have a few conversations.
--
I had a very nice short twitter convo with the author.
Kate Bolick @katebolick May 16
@ec_newman TY for "getting" my project: Show my highly subjective experience so others can agree/disagree=ENGAGE + find own awakeners.
E C Newman
@katebolick I'm a southerner so I feel like I need to be checking out southern spinster writers :) TY again for your openness & honesty.
Kate Bolick
@ec_newman YES -- a whole book in itself, really. I wanted to include (particularly as I'm half southern!) but just didn't have time/space.
E C Newman
@katebolick Flannery o'Connor is first on my list.
Kate Bolick
@ec_newman Indisputably!
Which totally made my day because holy cow, I had a conversation with the author!! (cue star-struck expression).
And maybe that's it. She says that her book is entirely subjective, which as a nonfiction memoir/autobiography,....whatever you call it, of course it's subjective. I don't get why anyone reading it would deny her the chance to share her life and experience.
It's an interesting read and I went in with curiosity and a hope to learn something new. I enjoyed finding out about the five awakeners: Neith Boyce, Maeve Brennan, Charlotte Gilman, Edna St. Vincent Millay, and Edith Wharton. Millay is fairly new to me, so learning about her rather...intense life was fun. The history of single women and their role in society, not a lesson I ever got in school. I'm grateful to get to see the world from a new angle.
Bolick's life is very different than mine. She grew up in New England, she moved to NYC, she lost her mom in her early twenties. We don't have a lot in common on the surface. She has dated way more than I have (which really is a pretty low bar to overcome. I'm not much of a dater), and judging from the cover, she is exceptionally pretty. She's older than I and her views on what belongs in marriage are different than my views.
Despite all those differences, I related. The wanting independence and living alone. The need and desire to write, but having no time because bills need to be paid. Watching so many friends get married...I get all that. And knowing that someone else out there wants to be loved and to love, yet enjoys her aloneness, that's incredibly comforting. That my experiences are mine, but they are not completely foreign to others.
kippersandjam's review
3.0
This took some time, and a lot of the time I wasn't really paying a massive amount of attention because I found myself just wanting it to end. I enjoyed the book, that being said, but it IS more of a history of the women the author is influenced and inspired by, rather than a book about Being Alone and accepting you're Going Solo. Readable, ultimately, but not quite what I anticipated.
brigid_'s review against another edition
slow-paced
3.0
I’ve never loved an individual examination of womanhood that seeks to explore itself outside the realm of men. Oh watch me be independent! For me it feels the very act of engaging in the question is to undermine the pursuit because it defines women in terms of men. No thank you. Though some folks really like this line of inquiry.
That said there were a few moments in here—about what it means to be single (regardless of sex/gender), to be a friend, and to examine your own desires that saved it for me.
That said there were a few moments in here—about what it means to be single (regardless of sex/gender), to be a friend, and to examine your own desires that saved it for me.
maddness22's review
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
relaxing
slow-paced
5.0
Gosh it's been so long since a book has rewritten my soul at a molecular level like this book has. I've never felt so seen and understood as a single woman living on my own. It's such an in-depth reflection of the "spinster" lifestyle, treating both the joys and downfalls of being single and on your own with soft candor. It was enjoyable to actually read a book that celebrates the joys of being single rather than criticizing it.
I loved how the author expressed her own experiences as a modern single woman through the lens of historical spinsters who made a living from their independence. I also loved that it also celebrates partnership and marriage. There are no villains in this story. There are only different lifestyles, a thoughtful reflection of those lifestyles, and a call to allow women to live their lives as they want to rather than requiring them to follow some societal expectation that doesn't match what would bring them joy in life. If that means marriage, great. If that means being single, great. If that means being married for a little bit and then being single or vice versa, great.
Marriage absolutely doesn't need to be the default, but women don't need to commit to being single for the entirety of their lives either.
I loved how the author expressed her own experiences as a modern single woman through the lens of historical spinsters who made a living from their independence. I also loved that it also celebrates partnership and marriage. There are no villains in this story. There are only different lifestyles, a thoughtful reflection of those lifestyles, and a call to allow women to live their lives as they want to rather than requiring them to follow some societal expectation that doesn't match what would bring them joy in life. If that means marriage, great. If that means being single, great. If that means being married for a little bit and then being single or vice versa, great.
Marriage absolutely doesn't need to be the default, but women don't need to commit to being single for the entirety of their lives either.
melissch's review
5.0
Honestly this book has had a HUGE impact on me. I just finished reading and have completely marked-up the whole thing with my thoughts and revelations.
Though I saw a lot of my own experience (and I acknowledge that a 27-year experience is so small), Kate Bolick does an amazing job of opening my eyes to pervasive truths of our society (like coupledom) and how those have influenced our thoughts, choices, and selves. And I thought my eyes were already pretty open to societal norms, but damnnnn.
I want to meet Kate and let her know that she is officially one of my own “awakeners,” and I can’t wait to read more about those cool ass women she described throughout her book.
I think everyone should read Spinster. And not because I think the world would be a better place with only cat ladies (lol truth tho), but so the woman reader could see the influences on her life she may not have been entirely aware of, and could “be so true to her own compass that she could break the rules she made for herself without compromising her ideals.”
Thanks, Kate.
Though I saw a lot of my own experience (and I acknowledge that a 27-year experience is so small), Kate Bolick does an amazing job of opening my eyes to pervasive truths of our society (like coupledom) and how those have influenced our thoughts, choices, and selves. And I thought my eyes were already pretty open to societal norms, but damnnnn.
I want to meet Kate and let her know that she is officially one of my own “awakeners,” and I can’t wait to read more about those cool ass women she described throughout her book.
I think everyone should read Spinster. And not because I think the world would be a better place with only cat ladies (lol truth tho), but so the woman reader could see the influences on her life she may not have been entirely aware of, and could “be so true to her own compass that she could break the rules she made for herself without compromising her ideals.”
Thanks, Kate.