Reviews with content warning for Suicide - Notes of a Crocodile

An exploration into gender, sexuality, and the constraints of society in Taiwan through the view of a conflict riddled narrator and their tormented relationships

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brianareads's review

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challenging emotional reflective sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

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robinks's review

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dark emotional sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

This story was definitely a bit chaotic at the beginning, and I had a hard time keeping track of when the events of each notebook took place relative to each other. This is also the first time I’ve read something translated from Chinese, and I think some of the cultural differences end up very visible in the syntax and situations our characters find themselves in. I really enjoyed the crocodile chapters and would love to see them reassembled on their own or expanded.

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tinyjude's review

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dark emotional sad fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

An incredible, emotionally-driven and soul-sinking literary piece that became a classic of Taiwanese queer literature. The book, partly a journal and a series of letters addressed to the first love of the protagonist, explores the intricacies of gender, compulsory heterosexuality, homophobia and lesbian identity in a time when queerness was persecuted and punished.

It is a tale of flawed queer characters who are trying to love honestly, but are also deeply terrified of their feelings and society's punishment towards them. Apart from deeply moving reflections about love, friendship, queerness, college, work, addiction, life and death; the story uses the metaphor of crocodiles disguised as humans to protray queerness and the institutional persecution, fetishizing fascination of "researchers", and the self-loathing with which they had to live.

The story mainly focuses on Lazi, as she traverses her college years, and experiences love, obsession and excruciating pain. She is the utmost perpetrator of her pain and failed/toxic relationships, due to her fear and self-hatred (although I think that a lie, because ultimately it is society's fault, but tracing back the root of the problem is not my call to make). However, all of her emotions, thoughts and her complicated relationship with mental illness (like the other lgbt+ characters) were relatable and heartbreaking.

The story is full of important reflections, but most of all, I believe it is a piece of literature that as a lgbt+ individual you cannot simply ignore no matter your identity, ethnicity and nationality. Queer classics are spare, full of pain, but also full of history, love and wisdom to remind us always that there were others like us everywhere and that our fight is never-ending until all of us can (not survive, but) LIVE fully and happily.

My heart goes with the author and all our other siblings who existed, exist and will exist.

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elwirax's review against another edition

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dark reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

CW: homophobia & internalised homophobia, heroin addiction, suicidal ideation, mental illness, self-harm.

"I am a woman who loves women. The tears I cry, they spring from a river and drain across my face like yolk."

"Most people go through life without ever living. They say you have to learn how to construct a self who remains free in spite of the system. And you have to get used to the idea that it’s every man for himself in this world. It requires a strange self-awareness, whereby everything down to the finest detail must be performed before the eyes of the world."

"Man’s greatest suffering is born of mistreatment by his fellow man."

""You can’t hold on to a beautiful thing forever—not in your memory, not even if you keep loving it. If you tried, it would only die in your possession. Beauty must be free to run its course.” I decided to free you from my heart in a gesture that is nothing short of poignant, for beauty belongs to no one and must be relinquished to the eternal."

I'm really disappointed that I didn't love this book as much as I wanted to but it definitely wasn't the worst thing I've read and it wasn't all bad.

Throughout the book, Miaojin weaves a recurring image of crocodiles that act and look like humans. I loved this use of surrealism as a way to communicate the hardships faced by LGBTQIA+ individuals when finding one's place. While the story itself is an account of the protagonist's experience, the crocodile imagery can very much pertain to the whole LGBTQIA+ community. It highlights constant attempts to pass of as "normal" in a society that shuns differences. I really think the crocodile imagery is this book's highlight and my rating is likely due to its genius though, it alone deserves 5 stars in my eyes.

The style of writing in this book was also quite interesting and changed depending on the circumstances. Between being very personal to sardonic to poetic to satirical, it made the reading experience seem more personal like reading into someone's scattered thoughts in an actual diary (almost biographical in nature supported by minor details like age and going to Europe). Some passages seemed to have been written immediately after the events or during them, others seemed to be written later with the advantage of hindsight. Depending on what was used, they elicited different emotions.
The entries in this book were also written in many different ways such as journal, epistolary, reportage and conversations. These formats paired with Miaojin's writing style made for an interesting atmosphere and reading experience.

However, while I was genuinely enjoying the book and was expecting to give it 5 stars, the 20% mark totally threw me off (Meng Sheng sent her a fingertip and basically stalked her and she's just gonna become pals with him? The dialogue between these two was also pretty bad). Strange scenes like this kept arising at times and I didn't really understand their purpose other to perhaps show that the characters suffer from mental illness. In terms of plot there wasn't much going on to really keep me invested and it was way too melodramatic for my taste (though quite self-aware). While the protagonist was complex and multifaceted, she didn't leave much room to be liked. She was bold about being a lesbian but then would hide and destroy any chances for a potential partner. As a matter of fact, most of the characters were rather self-sabotaging and nihilistic, which while it made for an interesting perspective, did not allow me to like any of them. Some of their actions like sleeping together to see if they could both get rid of their feelings for the same sex where a bit strange (justifiable to an extent but uncomfortable all the same). I do, however, understand that their self-hatred was used as a coping mechanism (albeit an unhealthy one) propagated by the constraints of a closed off, heteronormative society. The theme of individual versus society was an interesting one explored through the characterisation of these protagonists and Lazi's self reflections.

Overall, Notes of a Crocodile was impactful in some areas namely the crocodile imagery, the struggle of accepting and coming to terms with your sexuality and mental illness, but I did not love it as much as I wanted to. Personally, it lacked a clear direction despite the conversations that were brought up (while this can be due to the diary format, unfortunately, some of it was just a wee bit all over the place).

Despite this, I'm glad I read it, it's a cult queer classic for a reason. I also think it will require a re-read in the future with a more in depth analysis.

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subdue_provide75's review

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adventurous challenging dark emotional inspiring mysterious sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? N/A
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

Basically queer, Chinese Sally Rooney set in post-martial law late 1980s Taiwan!

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saoirse_edits's review

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.25

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nktabrgla's review

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dark emotional reflective sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

Finished this last night! If you are looking for a plot driven book, this is NOT it. It was fairly slow and, as it's supposed to, it reads as a series of journals. It's funny because I read a review that said it was just the narrator being sad. But I feel like the majority of my own journals are working through internal conflicts or getting out negative emotions, so if anything I related to that aspect. The other thing was that for the first portion of the book the narrator keeps referring to the time right before and after her 20th birthday. And then the story carries until about her 21st. And if you placed the author in the year the book was set, she would also be that same age. I enjoyed reading a book that was narrated by someone basically my same age. All that being said, it wasn't a huge favorite of mine, which is the only reason it's not getting the full 5 stars.

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