kumishona's reviews
453 reviews

Ordinary Love by Marie Rutkoski

emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

How will I recover from this? The stunning note from Knopf at the beginning of my ARC described this book perfectly: In Marie Rutkoski’s novel, which unspools in two timelines across decades, we see a pair of girls growing up in a small town where “lesbian” is only spoken in a hiss, we see the yawning chasm between state school and Harvard, we see the dawn of gay marriage in New York, and we see a culture slowly beginning to shift, to allow for a different kind of love to be considered ordinary. We preempted Ordinary Love in a passion buy-out from under a flock of other publishers (leaving them devastated in our wake) because we knew we had to have it. It is my great honor to share it with you, a reading experience that will linger in your brain and heart for months, a story that is equal parts sorrow and joy, and a work of literature that I hope you will find truly as extraordinary as we do.

It’s high praise, and I have been anticipating the book so intensely since the moment it was announced, that for a moment I was afraid to be dissapointed. That moment dissapeared when I started reading. I dissapeared. 

There is an inexplicable lucidity in the writing of this novel. Perhaps it is a love for commas and long sentences, the effortless eloquence, and fragments delicately placed. It is, of course, a familiar literary style, but it’s also Rutkoski’s own—light, airy, easy. Toeing the line with contemporary romance, it’s the kind of lit fic that would be someone’s favourite because it’s truly a pleasure to read (and equally devastating). It reminds me of some of my favourite novels of a similar genre—Annie on My Mind, Last Night at The Telegraph Club, Tipping the Velvet. But I don’t remember the last time I picked up a book with text so atmospheric that I forgot I existed as I read it. I stayed up all night to finish it, and I don’t reread books much anymore, but all week I’ve been going back to re-read sections, and I will soon need to reread the whole novel (perhaps more than once)—and I would still be in danger of pulling all-nighters again. Very, very excited for my preordered signed copy that’s on the way.

The book is written in third person, past tense (my favourite, because of course). I was, in part, surprised to find Emily as the only limited omniscient narrator. But this story couldn’t have been written any other way. Emily’s thoughts are dazzling in their deceptively simplistic observations, desires, convictions. The intimate care Rutkoski put into the perspective of a survivor of abuse, a bisexual femme for butch lover, a mother, a daughter, a writer, a dedicated humanities student, a small-town teenager crushing and falling in love, radiates off the pages. I can relate to only select few of her experiences, but in reading from her point of view, her feelings became mine. I spent a whole day after finishing just thinking of her love for her children. You know a book is well written when you can identify viscerally with a character who has a completely different life from you. 

When I initially began the novel, I thought it might be written in three parallel storylines, but it’s actually written roughly in three chronological phases, enhanced to be seamless by the perfect rhythm of the writing. The blurb says it is a “page-turning, irresistable novel about class, ambition, and bisexuality”, and these elements snuck in so subtly I was actually startled by the end when I realised the long way the characters had come, how their fluctuating financial positions and their authentic (sometimes derailed) aspirations in turn drew them apart and then brought them together. This was also very cleary never because they were ever quite incompatible (I’ve seen few fictional pairings of characters that so deeply love each other), but because they needed to grow the courage to be completely honest with each other, despite the sheer complexities of the situations they kept finding themselves in.

Rutkoski’s most obvious talent (since her debut) is her writing of dialogue. Deliriously witty, delicious, and made me both giggle and cry at the simplest, most non-offensive exchanges. Gen and her vibrant group of queer adult friends is in stark contrast to Emily’s posh college circle at Harvard earlier in the book, but both interactions cause utter delight. As the letter from Knopf said, I read most of this book with my heart in my throat, and when Emily and Gen spoke as adults (in simple, but meaningful, achingly easy conversation) after we finally came back around to present day, I suddenly felt a great weight lift and startled myself by breaking into all-out sobbing. (I was soon to find out this would certainly not be the last time.) I realised in a few more pages that in my melancholic reading, I had began to expect that this would not be a passionate romance. I was wrong. Their teen romance was profoundly relatable, but sweet and nostalgic—In contrast, I confess I was never once normal about it when Gen and Emily were on the page together as adults.

While this story is deeply personal to the characters, the detailed historical and sociopolitical backdrop leaps out in certain parts. The telephones and letters, the subtle confusion (from straight people) that a butch can be considered attractive, the ease through which a femme can pass as straight (which often leads to harm rather than privilege) enhanced especially due to the invisibility of bisexuals. I was touched at the explicit inclusion of a bisexual femme, no doubt under the guidance of the entire list of experienced authors, including Malinda Lo, in the acknowledgements. (“Butch” is not used, probably due to the setting being past the era of the term.) In the age of the internet and the recent wave of (often implicit) reactionary TERF rhetoric and purity culture pushed by algorithms, it was comforting to read about the timeless, palpable warmth and vibrant diversity that can only exist in an IRL queer community, through the lens of a bisexual woman who instantly senses her belonging when surrounded by it.

Something about the instances where characters face difficulties are subtle, almost soft. Even the intimate partner violence, which is laid out in detail, is not exactly triggering to read, only discomfitting and restlessly heartbreaking. There is no sexual violence, no slurs. There is a kindness in this book towards its characters (and, by extension, its readers), uncommon in stories about minoritised groups, that makes it feel like a hug. It doesn’t sugarcoat struggles, but it feels more real because of its gentleness, perhaps because only a writer who has been there themself could hold a reader’s hand so firmly through this. I feel like I could read the last line over and over again, and never get tired of it.

Once I finished the book and caught up on sleep, I spent a day being dazed. It was like waking up from an embodied experience such as a dream, and trying to objectively recall how I felt about it. By every day that has passed since, my sheer fondness for the book only grows. I’ve spent a week trying to write a review that accurately describes it. My friends are sick of me raving about it, but I can’t stop. I think it’s easily going to be my favourite book of the year by a mile, even though it’s a great year for sapphic releases, with tough competition. All I can say is, please read it. If you relate to aspects of it, the experience will be transformative. And if you don’t relate at all, you will truly feel your heart expand as you read. Either way, you will be left changed.

So much thanks to Knopf for an e-ARC!

Every Step She Takes by Alison Cochrun

adventurous challenging emotional funny hopeful informative inspiring lighthearted reflective relaxing fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Alison Cochrun is always a blast. I am famously bored by travel narratives but I simply could not put this down. This is written in a punchy comedic style that surprised me after Kiss Her Once For Me’s jaded early-twenties first person narration, but it worked so perfectly with the cast of messy mid-thirties and above adult characters bagpacking through Europe. I was sputtering with laughter from the first chapter, and then burying my head in my pillow reeling from cuteness at the budding romance, and then genuinely getting some dust in my eyes when characters contemplated their growth throughout their journey. As expected from a Cochrun novel, along with the many laughs, Emotions were certainly felt.

The somewhat artificial spunky dialogue and riffing, as well as the insane legs Sadie’s anxious thoughts jump to are so entertaining in a way many contemporary romance novels aspire to, but few truly achieve. It’s eloquent, effortlessly skillful, but also peppered with pop culture references. Just delicious for my brain. Sadie quickly evolves from difficult to read (because of the sheer second-hand embarrassment) to incredibly loveable, especially as you see her through Mal’s eyes. Their conversation on fatness and fatphobia was very refreshing and authentic to the real adult experience. Sadie—but also maybe Mal—present really well as neurodivergent, which is also something Alison loves to portray.

Sadie and Mal’s chemistry is devastatingly good. (Another Alison Cochrun moment.) I fear I am a sucker for a beautifully handsome masc on the domme side. And she’s rich. What more can you want from a fictional prince to sweep you off your feet? I’m (mostly) kidding—but a heavily romanticised “I can fix her” baiting love interest is what a lot of tradpub sapphic romances once lacked. Mal’s serial dater spin on the serial monogamist was very intriguing, and I loved her backstory and growth. (I know these are generally standalones but I would SO read a spinoff on the fascinating bi stepmom!)

As Alison loves to do, this novel is another love letter to demisexuality, this time in the style of another of my favourites, How You Get the Girl by Anita Kelly—with a queer mentor figure against a late bloomer. I can see some folks aren’t a fan of this dynamic, but it will truly never get old for me. I love the rush of reading about an unbearable crush towards a singular, unattainably perfect person. There is no sexuality more prone to obsession than a demi. (One Last Stop by Casey Mcquiston also comes to mind in the yearning genre.) Maybe you can tell I was a nerd and listened to You Belong With Me like it was gospel growing up, but many of us were! It’s so addicting, realistic, touching. As in Kiss Her Once for Me, intimate scenes aren’t exactly fade to black, but they are quite minimalistic whilst cleverly retaining explicit overtones. I find that to be slightly atypical for today’s mainstream romance novels, and probably very friendly towards some subsets of aspec readers (sometimes me 🙋🏻‍♀️) who may prefer media that way!

The author’s love for the pilgrimage radiates off the pages. (It’s truly a rare phenomenon when a piece of media makes me crave physical exertion.) I adore romance books about slightly older characters that are past their twenties—It’s just comforting to know that it’s not the end of the world if you don’t have everything figured out by then. Or even, that it may be *more* fulfilling to keep exploring when you’ve already got more life experience under your belt. (And, yes—things do happen for you at exactly the right time!) There are overall educational undertones to this book, much like YA, and several quotable moments. I enjoyed the sheer diversity of the group across gender, sexuality, ethnicity, nationality and spiritual/religious background. Ro’s little speech as a queer Muslim was very heartening, as was the little Bangladeshi NGO shoutout (woop woop 🇧🇩 There are indeed lesbians on the gay agenda back home).

In the age of the internet’s fraught identity politics and gatekeeping (especially from undercover white FARTs/TERFs lurking within fem, sapphic and women-aligned spheres), there’s some queer media that just grounds you. I think this assurance is especially important to see from cis, white, lesbian authors. The biggest message to take away from Every Step She Takes is that labels aren’t a big deal, and it’s normal to switch as you grow, settle on one that only feels “most” correct, or even forgo them altogether—but kindness, empathy, and community are non-negotiable and essential.

An easy breezy 5⭐️.

Thanks so much to Netgalley and Atria Books for an e-ARC!

Love in Focus by Lyla Lee

emotional hopeful inspiring lighthearted reflective relaxing sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Wow. I’ve been following Lyla Lee for years now, and was really looking forward to this after Flip The Script didn’t quite hit the mark for me, but I’ve been truly blown away. This truly surpassed all my expectations.  💞

I distinctly felt like Flip the Script played it safe to the point that it compromised the romantic chemistry between the characters, and if anything it catered better to the younger end of a YA audience. Despite this, I was touched by shimmering moments within it in conversations around culture, identity and family. When Love in Focus was announced, I felt in my bones that it would be a smash hit—and it did!

I wasn’t expecting to feel a whirlwind of emotions reading Love in Focus, but it took those conversations and made them more serious, and extended out the effects into a person’s entire outlook on love and life. This was -1000 damage for me fresh out of having watched The Wedding Banquet (2024). The scene with the queer elders (especially in contrast to the cis, straight, white couple who appeared to have had things pretty much handed to them on a silver platter) made me physically need to take a break from reading—but of course, in a “where has this been all my life?” way. I truly wanted more of the cultural elements and Celeste’s backstory, but the book does a good job in maintaining a delicate balance with more light-hearted elements to retain its position in the romance genre. (Literary fiction/romance intersection next, Mx. Lyla Lee, pretty please??)

Celeste and Gemma’s chemistry on page is *sizzling*. It’s hard to get that with femme/femme, because the characters aren’t often written to be quite flirtatious enough! If you love Thai Girls’ Love drama (which is pretty much KDrama vibes for the sapphics) with its gorgeous tall dommes and their babygirl switches that feel believable and relatable, then this is right up your alley. Their past is tragic yes, though perhaps not horribly so (I wish we could follow Celeste’s life in Korea more!), and they’ve matured a lot as late-twenties adults, and yet … the complexities and obstacles they face are so convincing, the difficult moments so tender. It’s impossible to not root for them. There were multiple times throughout this book that I got some dust in my eyes. The age of the characters was chosen so well for the narrative—This book will be a beacon for any lost zillennial in their mid-twenties right now, because it’s just so comforting to read about (especially queer woc) millennials on their own timeline despite wishing for many of the more conventional goals in life.

I also really enjoyed the very relevant references to pop culture—starting from music that the girls and gays love, to lesbian and sapphic culture (superstition/astrology, U-Hauling, joking about dating/not dating men), to bisexual and lesbian experiences. Given the release of The Wedding Banquet as well, this book feels very well-timed. I love love loved the side characters—when do you ever see a pocket butch of colour with her boho girlfriend mentioned explicitly on page?

And how did I not know beforehand that Natalie Naudus, the queen herself, was the main audiobook narrator?! This totally made my weekend. Love her, love contemporary sapphic romance novels, love Asian MCs, starting this novel I just knew I was in the best hands. 🥺♥️ I enjoyed Catherine Ho’s contributions, too—but I did feel that the two narrators’ tones are so different that the shift was a bit hard to adjust to. I wouldn’t have minded if the same narrator was used as the omniscent voice, in the way that the Bright Falls trilogy was done.

I would have loved *so much* to see more Korean spoken (that one moment was so soft rahhh), or to have a Korean-speaking/specifically Korean American narrator for the whole novel, or even to have a Celeste with a slight Korean accent. In light of the rep in the Wedding Banquet, I say this as one myself—I think that would have made her so much more visible overall as an originally international student who borderline fled out of their conservative home country, which is extremely underrepresented.

Easy 5⭐️ fave.

Thank you to Netgalley and Hachette Audio for providing an ARC!

I Want to Love You Till Your Dying Day 1 by Nachi Aono

adventurous challenging dark emotional mysterious reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

This was a foray out of my comfort zone, since I mostly avoid moe art styles, especially in yuri. However, I was pleasantly surprised at how compelling the worldbuilding and plot are. Manga that feature children as warriors in an SFF dystopia will always be morbidly addicting. I found the side characters more interesting than the main ones in this volume, but I imagine that may change as the narrative advances! I was also genuinely glad to see that it’s not really very service-oriented (of course, you expect and then do find some gothic elements!), even though the budding romance is a bit fast paced, depending on how you look at it. Solid 4.5⭐️!

Thank you to NetGalley and Kodansha for providing an e-ARC!

Love Languages by James Albon

emotional hopeful inspiring lighthearted reflective relaxing medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.75

After Himawari House and Love Languages, I have all my fingers crossed that contemporary slice-of-life, coming-of-age books about (especially Asian!) language/culture is becoming a thing!

The narrative quality of the storytelling distinctly made it feel like I was following along a biographical journey of a real person. It reminded me of artists I follow on social media that make comics about their lives. This sort of art style isn’t usually my thing, but I had to appreciate the lovely watercolor and attention to detail in the careful outlining and patterns. There is something European about the curvy lines and silhouettes, which is very well-suited to the French setting. I loved how vibrant colours would seep in whenever Ping appeared, or even just within Hong Kong, compared to the bleak monochrome of Paris, where Sarah hated living.

I enjoyed the way language (and the process of learning it) was portrayed in the speech bubbles, as well as the depiction of the loneliness/cultural dysphoria of being an expat, social anxiety, grappling with work-life, and the pressure to “succeed”. I think it also cleverly shows the sociopolitical centrism of white women, who tend to easily excuse the most vile behaviour from white men, plus feel the need to save face in front of them. Sarah’s initial embarrassment towards communication struggles was in stark contrast to Ping’s unabashed willingness to connect across their mutual language barriers. (The emojis!) I always felt that some western cultures *really* depend on certain social rhythms and coming off “cool”. Given Sarah’s anxiety (and her terrible job with American work ethic and French assholes that made me want to breathe fire), it just made *sense* that she found confort in Ping’s world of carefree, warm connection instead. Reading about characters quitting their jobs and beginning new lives will never not be heartwarming to me.

I enjoyed the lesbian awakening! It was just a few pages (and some earlier subtext) and yet it spoke volumes. (Attraction, possesiveness, desire, joy denial, acceptance, self actualisation.) Also greatly appreciated the much-needed rep of Asian pocket mascs! I was wondering if this book would portray the difficulties Ping may face in being a Hong Konger and queer, but in the end I’m glad the book left it where it did. Sarah definitely grew a lot! But I didn’t connect with the characters as much as I’d hoped, given how much I was excited for the premise (queer, sapphic, contemporary, Asian, language/culture, graphic novel). Still required reading in the genre IMO! 3.75⭐️

Thank you to NetGalley and IDW Publishing for providing an Advanced Reader’s Copy for an honest review! This is my first one. 🥹

Lucy Undying by Kiersten White

adventurous dark emotional funny hopeful inspiring lighthearted mysterious reflective relaxing sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

I just gobbled up this book and it rewakened feelings I missed from reading delicious, lengthy fantasy adventure novels with high stakes that *feel* low enough to keep things enjoyable. The audio narration surpassed all expectations and I was so happy to binge without worrying it’d be over too soon.

I previously loved Kiersten’s The Conquerer’s Saga—Possibly the first instance of queer Muslim rep I’d ever seen, it remains one of the more unique trilogies I’ve read and a core reading memory. The vivid historical setting, the insanely conflicted open romance, the unfiltered dark details of war and ruthless character death and trauma, the development of an antihero protagonist. The sapphic side-characters did fall a bit flat for me, but they weren’t meant to be the focus anyway.

So imagine my surprise when learning about Lucy Undying! This is so similar to the 180 Marie Rutkoski did from writing the straightest ever central couple in a mainstream trilogy to suddenly writing a really solid sapphic novel (perhaps coinciding with the author’s personal life changes and/or coming into new identities) that rocks my socks off. In both cases, the sapphic work is way less known, and I’m not sure what’s going on with the marketing. :<

Lucy Undying is way less “serious” than The Conquerer’s Saga. It’s still dark, but there is a more NA tone that lightens it: buttery good low fantasy that effortlessly toes the line between sassy YA and mature, complex themes. The focus on the vampire lore with sci-fi elements is also unlike most vamp novels I’ve read and is such a fresh but familiar take in teaching us the “rules” of the fantastical elements. 

The majority of this book has three parallel timelines which eventually fit together like a jigsaw (much like how three different investigations converge in Stranger Things). All three PoVs are super interesting and at no point did I feel the age-old “oh not this narrator again” when we skipped from one to the next. I was genuinely excited about every single new development, and it was super satisfying to watch it all come together. I was fully internally screaming when I started to figure out plot points the characters themselves hadn’t caught up to yet.

The contents of the structure makes this such a cool book without even trying too hard—at some point, I felt like I was reading a trilogy in a standalone, woven together seamlessly:

⭐️ Book 1: The Diary of Lucy Westenra. This could alone have been an excellent novella adaptation of Dracula. Set in 1890, there is something dark and menacing in the undertones of Lucy’s writing, even before any actual supernatural occurrences, even though her life seems normal enough for the times. Lucy is so young, innocent and hopeful for a better life, despite alternating between dark sarcasm and morbid pessimism to cope with unfortunate scenarios. Uninterested in and often unsettled by the (sometimes outright creepy, sometimes decent) men circling her for prospects of marriage, she is also crushing hard her on her seemingly oblivious former governess, Mina. Confused, Lucy keeps describing her heartfelt longings and then crossing them out, trying to shake them off and wondering if there is something sinister, something “queer” in her. (Which was cute wordplay, haha.) There is an aching loneliness at her core, and it’s difficult to not want to pull her from her situation and protect her. The ending is so, so heartbreaking and leaves the reader full of questions.

⭐️ Book 2: Interview With the Vampire. In an Anne Rice-esque manner, we follow along client transcripts in a therapist’s office in September 2024. A bubbly vampire called Lucy describes the events of her (after)life, which takes the form reminiscent of a fairytale knight’s quest. On her journey to seek her fortune around the globe, she meets characters such as the Queen, the Doctor, and the Lover, each of whom imparts wisdom that will ultimately give her the strength to defeat Dracula, her (seeming) sworn enemy and (seeming) ultimate destiny. In turn, she leaves each of these characters forever changed by her own unique perspectives. Additionally, she engages in other minor activities like stopping WWI, becoming a self-motivated spy in WWII, vampire hunting, and last but certainly not the least, gay awakening. She wonders why Dracula made her in his image, imparting so much suffering and inability to truly rest. In her search for purpose, she encounters failure after failure, after which she always decides to have a good cry and a (decades-long) nap. Lucy is so easy to adore: She is ditzy, cheerful, and a little mad, but mostly she is in love with Mina, who is forever out of reach and forever a compass in her heart—in life and in her undying afterlife. Think Addie LaRue if it were more global and just more *fun*.

⭐️ Book 3: Iris Goldaming, October 2024 to January 2025. Iris is trying to get away from her crazy family and their creepy MLM health & beauty company that she’s convinced is run over with … well, vampires. Constantly gaslit, abused and trapped, Iris has had little to no agency in her entire life. But now that her mother is dead and she’s the sole inheritor, she plans to first sell what she can from their old inherited properties in the UK for some quick cash under the radar, with a little help from a pretty strawberry blonde museum employee. The old house hasn’t had occupants since the last family died about 150 years ago, and Iris finds a mysterious diary, along with documents that lead to shocking revelations. The plan had been to run away from Goldeming Life, since they were impossible to destroy … or were they? This arc is true swashbuckling Percy Jackson action. In spite of her awful upbringing, Iris is fearless, jaded, righteous, clear-eyed, protective and very, very gay—all of which may lead her to saving a certain someone else who has always yearned to be accepted and loved.

Some of the final twists were BREATHTAKING and gave me chills. In certain sections, I was having heart palpitations, anxiously anticipating character deaths. But interestingly enough I think the book drives home that there is horror beyond death. Sexual assault, medical and parental abuse, being manipulated and exploited as a vulnerable queer teenage girl. This would be a great book club read to tease out meaning behind the fictional plot elements. There are certain quotes that just gave me pause—I had to digest the utter ingenuity and the poignance. Above all, it’s a novel about finding yourself against the odds, and the healing nature of being seen. I ended the book with so many feelings swelling inside me. 🥹😭

Okay, now that you know this book is awesome and you should absolutely give it a shot, we must address the elephant in the room. I’m not sure if these books are reaching the wrong audience, if people’s tastes have been altered over the years by being chronically online, or if it’s just that I’ve finally reached a point where my preferences are so specific that online reviews online are now fully unhelpful to me. So many of more popular reviews are just … bad and I’m really confused.

Among the complaints I’ve seen:
- “This is gimmicky feminism 101 and Lucy has been turned into a modern-day girlboss that fully undermines the purpose of her original character in the Dracula narrative.”
- “They ruined the OG characters! I can’t look at Mina like that! I can’t stand for the slander of the men!” 
- “It really seems like one of those sapphic retellings where the author just hates men and turns everybody into villains.”
- “Godalming is misspelled all throughout the book and I just couldn’t ignore it.”
- “I can’t believe the victim is a rich girl and the predators are poor, that’s so cliché.”
- “Too many plot twists.” + “The plot is too predictable.”
- “Lucy’s character development was too fast, it makes no sense for her to be able to defeat her shortcomings and take on an entity like Dracula. Dracula is supposed to be the strongest of all!”
- “This is for people whose experience of vampire literature begins and ends with Twilight.”
- “This reads like fanfic.”

People are so touchy about retellings especially when they’re of classics written by men. 💀

Guys, guys. This is a *retelling*. It’s almost like you’re wishing it *were* just fanfiction targetted specifically to sate your own desires about the original text. Lucy Undying took character and premise inspo where it needed, and the rest was Kiersten’s own creation. It’s made obvious she enjoys the original text in the acknowledgements! And that she has cool intentions and had a great time writing this! To me, it just doesn’t make sense to judge how “good” a retelling novel is primarily by how well it adheres to the themes of the original.

The Goldaming name change is very obviously intentional 💀 and to me read easily as a play on exploiting a “gold” mine. And as for that Twilight jab, just say you hate women and leave, LMAO. That women have inferior taste in media, or limited media literacy, just because they sometimes like silly things (which are really very easily far superior to most trash men like) is such a tired, sexist take in the year of our lord 2025. It’s also funny AF because this book has absolutely nothing in common with Twilight other than featuring vampires. And this might just be me, but using class consciousness virtue signaling feels like a flimsy excuse for not liking a fictional crime/mystery/thriller plot.

This is like the third time (and probably not the last) I’ve that the reviews make a well-known sapphic book seem way worse than it is, in an almost hive-mind like fashion. I really don’t understand this phenomenon … but would it be a stretch to say we judge sapphic books more harshly than others? (Someone do a real analysis on this, please!) Accusing a feminine-centric retelling of misandry and/or token feminism, just because the men turn out to be antagonists and the women gain agency rather than being plot devices or symbols, is wild to me. (Also … how is character development over 150 years “too fast” to y’all … Why is it so irrefutable that a male predator simply must be impossible to conquer? And: Why is a female mastermind so difficult to digest?) Just tell me you live under a rock—Are you aware just how likely it is that seemingly good men IRL (historically and in contemporary times) turn out to be literal villains? How many clear instances do we need before a narrative like this is credible to you guys?

These authors should give me their ARCs, I’ll do them justice. 😫 I may not have a popular platform with lots of followers but I gush and obsess and bug all my friends until they read my faves I promise!!

The Infinity Particle by Wendy Xu

5.0

Youngblood by Sasha Laurens

4.5

This exceeded all my expectations and is everything I want in a YA sapphic boarding school romance. 🥺♥️ I’m sure I will reread. 

 

Things I loved: 

🩸 Very well fleshed out characters (also great language/pacing but that’s a bare minimum) 

🩸 So much slow-burn, angsty chemistry! 

🩸 Boarding school shenanigans with pretty mean girls and clueless handsome boys 

🩸 Stormy, dark academia aesthetic 

🩸 Kat and Taylor have their own journeys that meet in the middle as the plot thickens 

🩸 Awesome use of dual first person PoV 

🩸 The most unhinged love quadrangle from the very beginning. Gosh what do I even say. My heart has been fully wrung out. 

🩸 Estranged childhood friends to reluctant roommates to allies to friends to lovers 

🩸 Implicit “Who did this to you?!” moments that will make your heart melt 

🩸 Taylor. Complete baby butch heartthrob. I just. 

🩸 This is basically a sapphic Carry On by Rainbow Rowell but also completely different, like if you combined it with These Witches Don’t Burn. 

🩸 Characters are very believably teens but somehow the interpersonal drama is so mature 

🩸 You’ll be making a Renee Rapp/Chappell Roan playlist for this (mine also has Fletcher and The Japanese House of course) 

🩸 MURRRRDERRRR and some good ole mystery solving 

🩸 Lesbian awakening! Super well written with a lot of unpacking comphet 

🩸 Social justice conversations, including the process of making progress in educating annoying privileged people lmao 

🩸 Evil capitalist overlord villain 

🩸 Awesome audio narration duo (1.05x speed is perfection!) 

A quick intro to the iconic love quadrangle: 

 

⭐️ Kat - Sunshiny people-pleasing new girl with a desperation to prove herself to the other girls and the adults, presumably straight (just a great ally! 🌈) but can only think of her roommate/estranged childhood friend when with her popular and super handsome boyfriend, Galen. 

 

⭐️ Taylor - Baby butch out lesbian techie cinephile with abandonment issues who has been secretly hooking up with the meanest girl, Evangeline for two years (who doesnt treat her very well and obviously could never seriously like her … right?), but now also has a rekindling longtime crush on her roommate/estranged childhood friend Kat. Very grumpy, does not care at all and definitely not a cinammon roll softie. 

 

⭐️ Evangaline - Super popular literal vampire princess and wildly talented theater mean girl who keeps texting Taylor for secret hookups but is lowkey homophobic to Taylor and could never accept her own bisexuality (can she?), has a crush on another girl too but her ultimate goal is Galen (or is he?). 

 

⭐️ Galen - Token straight boy, pretty innocent/clueless and only has eyes for Kat because she’s not like other girls and isn’t into him because of his looks/status/money/popularity (and she’s a raging LESBIAN). Not a fan of crushing expectations, might do something heroic later idk. 

 

Surely, nothing could go wrong?!

 

Cons (white™️ author alert I guess 🥲🚨): 

🩸 Concerns of a white savior vibes narrative. 

🩸 There’s a flippant part about the East India Company that was edited after backlash but not all copies have the new version. 

🩸 A villains is once described using language that could be seen as antisemitic. 

🩸 There is an epidemic loosely reminiscent of AIDS but the discussions about that aren’t in-depth or complex. 

 

Basically, this definitely needed better sensitivity readers and minor edits could have easily fixed it all. Proceed with caution if any of these are dealbreakers to you! It didn’t affect my personal experience of the book. It’s a shame because I think the book is otherwise excellent and could have been so successful. From reading the book, I do think the author is well-meaning. She has also explicitly contributed to DEI efforts in publishing. These unfortunate overlookings snowballed into an influx of negative reviews of readers that fully hated everything about the book. You live and you learn, I guess. 4.5⭐️ 

 

———🩸——— 

 

I had dejectedly taken this book off my TBR after the negative reviews started rolling in. I’d had high hopes based off just the cover and premise. But recently I came across a Booktuber who reads 1-star review bombed books and that reminded me of Youngblood! And I decided to give it a shot just for funsies. 

 

I wish I’d had seen more varied and nuanced opinions on this book earlier, so I wouldn’t have put it off. I genuinely loved it, and … I also happen to disagree with a lot of the negative interpretations, or at least the extent to which the book is problematic. I feel like I didn’t even read the same book as everyone else. 

 

Honestly, if I really wanted to fish for something that I personally found “problematic” in this book myself, it wouldn’t be about race. It would be that the only bisexual spectrum character, Evangeline, is the type that traumatizes a lesbian, suffers from internalized homophobia (that she projects onto out queer people while she herself presents as a straight person), and can’t decide who she wants to be with (she wants Galen, Lucy, and Taylor? Bro)—ie the greedy bisexual. I wouldn’t even call her a disaster bisexual as Sasha does, because that’s an endearing term. (Though she shockingly becomes quite endearing by the end.) 

 

Despite this, honestly I didn’t take issue to it. I would have found it awesome if Kat were bi (good rep and it would have made some of the romantic drama way more interesting), but the book is very focused on much needed lesbian narratives. A mean traumatizing bisexual woman in denial has been a part of many a lesbian’s lived experiences. Sure, Sasha could’ve added another “good” bisexual to offset this, but I didn’t really need that because the story just didn’t feel bi/biphobia focused in the first place. And I feel like that’s the kind of grace a lot of reviewers chose not to give this book in other instances. (Some of the “problematic” aspects in callout reviews are literally just reading preferences, and I really wish that had been made clear in the reviews. But of course, this sort of confused jumbling wouldn’t have happened if the book didn’t have actual serious oversights in the first place.) 

 

If you’re marketing to a diverse, progressive audience like queer people, you have to do better. With PoC narratives, I just want it to be written well regardless of who wrote it. White authors obviously have privilege in the publishing world and should make space for PoC voices to tell their own stories. But if a white author does choose to publish PoC themed stories, it’s only fair that they must always be prepared to meet a slightly different standard among readers. Perhaps the moral of this fiasco really is: Sensitivity readers are essential. Because truly, it’s otherwise such an excellent book and a shame that fatal errors weren’t caught before publication and this culmination of (often deserved) bad impressions. 

 

———🩸——— 

 

The elephant in the room about this book, and one of the reasons I ultimately decided to check it out myself after all is the mention of the British East India Company. So imagine my pleasant surprise when I passed that point in the audiobook and didn’t really clock anything fucked up. I went to the library ebook version to copy some quotes into my review draft, and lo and behold, I realise the passage has been subtly changed! 

 

⭐️ Original: “It’s not as messed up as it sounds. My mom doesn’t talk about it much, but she’s from a wealthy merchant family in Gujarat, and he spent years pursuing her until she agreed. He didn’t just make off with a helpless girl from some village. Anyway, it was a long time ago.” 

 

As Tumblr user niharikaaa2 put it so well (and it applies to the entire Indian Subcontinent): ‘And before anyone says that "they're not saying colonialism isn't bad 1!1!1!" Yes they are. The phase "He spent years pursuing her till she agreed" is extremely gross in the context of literal colonialism. Especially in the context of how east india company officers treated brown women. "it's not as messed up as it sounds". Ah yes, the east india company that is responsible for hundreds of atrocities , including forcing farmers into indigo cultivation, torturing and r*ping their family members when they wouldn't comply, executing millions, torturing more. The East India company, that sowed the seeds for partition, and destroyed the flourishing Indian economy, destroyed industries. The East India company that looted India dry. The company that is responsible for so many crimes. The aftereffects of their crimes haunt us to this day. It's been 75 years, and we are still recovering. Stop retconing our history. It is not yours to vandalize. Our pain, our past is not yours to sugercoat. Shame to the author who sat down and wrote this, shame to the editor who didn't edit this out, and shame to the publisher who decided to publish this.’ 

 

⭐️ New version: “I know, it’s messed up. My mom doesn’t talk about it much. She’s from a wealthy merchant family in Gujarat, and he spent years pursuing her until she agreed. He didn’t kidnap her, or anything.” His brow creased with tension. “Not that that makes it better. Anyway, it was a long time ago.” 

 

… a VERY different reading experience, imo! The changes are subtle but they make the impact of his words way less flippant. He sounds like a more aware character and less in denial of the history. 

 

⭐️ Original: “I guess I don’t feel the need to spend my clubs period talking about being a vampire of color. That’s fine for them, but I have too much other stuff going on.” 

 

This is giving: “Yapping 24/7 about being PoC is so fucking weak.” 💀 

 

⭐️ New version: “I just don’t want to spend my clubs period talking about being a vampire of color. And that’s when chess club meets. I’m hoping to be president next year.” 

 

This version is more “I just dont feel like having to explain being interracial to other people all the damn time, it’s exhausting.” Super valid, king. 

 

It’s obvious see how the first version might show the whiteness of the author. However I can imagine a character being purposefully written that way by a PoC author as well. In fact, that’s how nearly any teen desi boy I know would talk. The internalized racism is very ingrained in us. But perhaps that’s not a white author’s place to discuss in a book? Personally I only care if the rep is not credible or is framed to be oddly dismissive. And I didn’t quite see that in either instance. 

 

It’s really hard to just tell author intent in these cases. From my personal PoV, the original wasn’t the end of the world. But the changes were the right thing to do after the callouts and maybe Sasha did learn something positive from it. It’s also good to see a real impact. I haven’t been able to find any info at all about the edits, and I’ll definitely check in stores to see if there have been any more printings of the book to update it. 

 

———🩸——— 

 

I also want to discuss other problematic aspects pointed out by many reviewers! From least problematic (imo) to most: 

 

⭐️ Kat’s queerness journey: I feel silly to have to defend this one TBH. I’ll die on the hill that this was AMAZING rep of what it’s like to experience comphet as a young lesbian in a conservative space. She consented to Galen’s approaches out of an internalised need to perform, but they never sat right. She was with him because he was perfectly nice, because he liked her, because she could be his support system and he deserved all that. She did it to prove herself to other girls, because it was expected of her, and she could reap the benefits in an archaic cisheteropatriarchal vampire society. After all, she had always had so much scarcity in her life. It would grant her stability and accomplishment. But was it what she really wanted? Could she really grow to love him if she didn’t have feelings for him at all right now? She had to turn everything over in her mind and take lots of time to process (going back and forth several times + a cycle of grief) before she truly came to terms with being a (canonical!) lesbian. (Sasha refers to this book strongly as a lesbian vampire novel!) 

 

It’s also totally valid that her school friends had had completely different journeys and had both realized their queer identities when they were young. It’s also valid that they hate being asked about how they “figured it out”! Nowhere in the book is it being claimed that any of these ways are the “correct” way to come into your queer identity, neither is it indicated that Kat feels at all ashamed of not having known earlier. These are just a bunch of baby queers! Guys, where is the reading comprehension. 😭 

 

“Really, I was failing myself. I’d been so convinced that I knew who I was and what I wanted—and I’d spent so much energy at Harcote trying to make those things align—that it felt impossible that there were parts of myself I hadn’t yet discovered. Why had I been so sure that it was a failure not to know myself like I thought I did—especially when I’d already been wrong about so many things? […] How I’d come to realize that didn’t need to matter as much as the fact that I had. I didn’t know how I defined myself, what label I’d use, how I’d tell anyone, but I could figure that out later. It didn’t scare me anymore. It felt exciting. It felt like me.” 

 

⭐️ The slow burn: The gayest thing I’ve ever seen and I can’t believe anyone is saying the book is less gay and “mislabeled” as sapphic because of it (or because of Kat dating a guy for a bit … all the while thinking of Taylor.) Not to be dramatic but that’s a touch lesbophobic and biphobic at the same time lmao. Y’all must not know any IRL sapphics. Especially the confusion about whether this feeling is intense platonic friendship (or plain jealousy towards everything Evangeline had) or romantic love for a late bloomer like Kat, who had never been in love at all before. And also, are Taylor and Evangeline’s antics invisible to y’all?! Evangeline has shit to figure out and their thing is kinda toxic but that’s still gay. Gaaaaay. 

 

⭐️ Taylor never wondering she may not be the only lesbian: Guys, come on. They’re teenagers. The poor girl has been through enough (namely, a shit ton of rejection and homophobia), why is it now her responsibility to suddenly be sure that her school must have more queers? I feel like that’s 1) a level of optimism and experience so out of character and more of a Kat thing; and 2) Y’all also hate it when ✨Sacramento✨ Kat does this sort of thing so. (And she did: “First of all, you know there are other queer kids here. Just because someone isn’t ready to come out or maybe isn’t totally out to themselves doesn’t mean they’re not queer.”) I certainly didn’t know shit about queerness stats when I was 16-17 in my conservative bubble hometown and I can imagine a friend from somewhere more progressive spewing facts would have been cool. I was shocked to find a single bisexual in a school of 1k students lmao. 

 

⭐️ Lucy’s existence: Kat explicitly identifies Lucy as Chinese when they first meet, and a lot of readers found that unrealistic. I totally agree, but a lot of authors choose to do that (mostly for convenience) and I’ve never seen serious complaints on this before. Lucy is also a side-character, a mean girl and has the same ole evil vampire values that are common at Harcote. I didn’t really see an association with her race here, unless we want all gray characters written by white people to be … also white? Perhaps that’s a valid take but I don’t feel so strongly about it, especially because she’s nowhere near a main villain, and her bad behaviour (not understanding that it’s unethical to bite into glamoured humans with no consent) doesn’t seem to relate to any IRL harmful rhetoric about Chinese folks. She also happens to be the party queen of the school, a cool online influencer, and an chaotic frenemy character, all of which I found quite badass. She was a slay and an absolute delight. 

 

⭐️ Ableist language: ie the word “lame” being used. Do YA novels not use the word anymore? I know that we’re trying to wean it off our vernacular (as we are with “dumb”) but it’s certainly been a slow process and I’ve never seen a book receive backlash so specifically for this. Feels like grasping at straws, but if someone has further thoughts, I’d love to know! 

 

⭐️ Harry Potter reference in the ARC: This was changed to a Star Wars ref in the finalized published version, but the complaint was why an HP ref would be on there in the first place. It’s good not to have this but also lots of media has HP references not automatically in support of Rowling, but because of HP’s cultural relevance. As a zillennial, I make Harry Potter references in my real life too, even though I don’t buy any WW merch or recommend the books anymore. I’m glad the change was made. But I understand if someone (especially a trans, non binary or genderqueer person) feels strongly about this and it’s a dealbreaker. 

 

⭐️ CFAD is similar to AIDS: When reading, I noticed that CFAD was probably inspired by COVID-19—it’s an epidemic (not a pandemic but close enough) and it’s either just temporary cold symptoms or a full chronic blood clotting disorder (similar to how COVID can lead to long COVID and has been a mass disabling event). The book doesn’t say how CFAD is encountered—the virus’s origins are also similar to COVID, so I would assume it would be through snot or airborne, but the book makes another fatal mistake by not specifying. Because readers have pointed out that the fact that the blood of a person with CFAD instantly kills vampires is reminiscent of the HIV/AIDS epidemic. The timeline is also similar. A generation of vampires have been lost similarly with little assistance from Vampirdom. The misfortune of the book’s narrative continues when a gay person is killed by it too. There is of course discourse about the whole thing in the book, but … it’s really not enough to cover a serious topic like HIV/AIDS. Again, I personally didn’t feel bothered by this or that I needed more. Epidemic narratives are so common in books. But I understand if this is a dealbreaker to some. A few tweaks/clarifications in the lore could have vastly prevented a lot of the backlash about this. 

 

⭐️ A Jewish-coded villain: Roger Atherton one of a few a rich, evil bloodsuckers seeking world domination which are often qualities in Jewish-coded villains—but since this is basically a classic vampire trope, antisemitic vibes kind of come with the realm unfortunately. The vampires in this book are mostly caucasian and some other minoritized ethnicities/backgrounds. There aren’t instances where Atherton’s features are otherwise described to be Jewish adjacent; his name isn’t made obviously Jewish either. However, there is a part where his “tongue darted out to moisten his lips, like an eager little lizard,” that many have cited as well-known antisemitic language. What an unfortunate mistake. I doubt Sasha intended or knew about the association. Combined with other mistakes towards minoritized groups in the book, the blowback doesn’t surprise me. Again, I understand if this is a dealbreaker. 

 

⭐️ Comparisons with an apartheid culture: Generally, vampirdom is a minority and doesn’t mix with humans. But they will “glamor” humans and have them act as servants (or just to feed on them). The latter is discussed at length but the former is only in passing—but all this is common in a lot of fantasy books, including YA. There are conversations about assimilation with human society, but the premise just feels speculative and isn’t super similar to IRL history. Still, if this is a dealbreaker to read about in any book, that’s valid. 

 

⭐️ The implication that PoC aren’t at Harcote because they simply don’t want to be, rather than due to them having disproportionate barriers to admission at this prestigious, elitist, white supremacist institution: Oof. Kat finds it crazy how white the school is. Taylor informs her that Harcote obviously doesn’t represent all of Vampirdom and Harcote doesn’t even bother to pretend like it cares about diversity. Kat says it would only be right to be inclusive. Taylor reminds Kat that most of the vamps controlling Harcote are racist AF, and why would Black vampires want to come here anyway? 

 

And when I read it, I assumed Taylor meant “Not only are these racist assholes obviously against admitting Black students, but it’s also obvious most Black students’ lives would be made hell here so some of them are also probably avoiding the place like the plague.” (This is also emphasized by a comment at the end of the book with some Black families who felt uncomfy surrounded by flashy white—and the rare East Asian—vamps.) But maybe that was my interpretation because I already have those points of view. I think the exchange could have been worded better to make that clear, but I wouldn’t have noticed this issue had others not pointed it out. It’s important that conversations are being had about these issues in the text, and I understand if this sort of oversight is a dealbreaker. 

 

⭐️ White savior narrative: The argument is that racism is artificially manufactured by the premise/setting of this book just to pose Kat, a white girl, as "good person". Kat did strike me as the passionate teen SJW sort. She grew up with financial instability in a very diverse Sacramento, CA. I can imagine moving to Harcote would’ve felt like transferring to an expensive Christian private school in a tiny, very white and southern town. (The “all lives matter” comment really reminded me of that lmao.) 

 

Kat checks her privilege and/or asks after the eerie lack of diversity once in a while. That’s … sort of the bare minimum I want to expect from a likeable white protagonist. Taylor feels the same about Harcote; both she and Galen find comfort in Kat’s attitude, because they’ve felt otherwise rejected at the school. Most Harcote kids were raised by highly conservative parents who are ancient wealth-hoarding cishet white vampires with severely lacking morals. These kids have had no independant social life in the real world. But it’s not like there aren’t any other progressive people in the school—there’s a Vampires of Color Caucus (the LGBTQ+ student scene is a li’l bleak but there’s an emotional support gay teacher). However, Taylor is an outcast and Galen is forced to always be on a pedestal, and in their worlds, Kat is the only peer that sees them. So I disagree that it’s framed like Kat is the singular “woke” kid in the entire school. In another instance, Kat checks herself when Galen mentions everyone erases his desi half, so she’s also not presented as the one “not like other whites” perfect baby angel for the BIPOC students on campus. 

 

While this conservative echo chamber is a narrative choice, it’s a credible one given the premise. (I think it’s also very clever when this is pointed out early on in the book: Humans prioritize morals to some degree sometimes because of how short our lives are). It’s also relatable given conservative pockets in the world today. 

 

Vampirdom is a system of oppression, and it would be an oversight to not at all link it to all other such systems. I think this quote (aimed at one of the bad guys) really solidifies that intent: “You want the school to be exclusive. You set the tuition and make sure there’s no financial aid. You know there are barely any BIPOC vampires here and you haven’t done anything about it. You practically go out of your way to make queer students uncomfortable and you run around calling us boys and girls like nonbinary people don’t exist. The school’s nothing but a fucked-up fantasy.” 

 

It’s also discussed by the non-villain vamp community at the end that the school is built on exclusion/exploitation + how unethical the glamored human servants were + reform might even be impossible and it may be worth starting over instead. 

 

The plot doesn’t revolve around a white savior focal point in the way I assumed it would from reading a lot of the reviews. The social justice conversations are essential to the plot, but they’re not at the forefront. Unfortunately, it is true that these conversations are also never led by PoC characters themselves. Perhaps this could have been remedied by having Kat being PoC. But that would be even harder for a white author to correctly pull off and many would argue not quite her place. 

 

Ultimately, what I can say with certainty is that Kat may be a cringe white SJW but that is not the “end all be all” of her character by far. There is a lot more to who she is, and a lot more to the plot of the story and other characters, too. And she’s self aware: “I think if you only compare yourself to the assholes at Harcote, then it’s easy to think you’re some kind of angel.”

 

I certainly agree that revisionist history including historical oppression is a delicate theme. There’s complaints about “the poor white girl who’s a woke savior” being a tired and offensive trope, and I don’t doubt it but this is my personal first time seeing it. I can only speak to this instance, which didn’t affect my reading experience negatively. It wasn’t excellent execution but was ok and not weird! Other readers are obviously free to disagree, and this is another understandable dealbreaker. 

 

Interestingly enough, I’m coming here right after having read Yellowface, where1-star review bombing of a white author’s works (when very highly deserved) is discussed. I fully believe that the honest 1-star reviews on Youngblood given out of representation concerns are valid! But I’ve also seen at least a few reviews from people who haven’t even read it and are just going off of other reviews. I know we all have very trusted reviewers and it makes sense to want to bring attention to very problematic books and warn other readers to not accidentally support it, especially with the initial concerns that not enough people were talking about this. But it’s kind of worked to a fault and deviated from the actual specific content to the book now. I want to be well-informed about the red flags in a book before I decide to “cancel” it from my TBR and advise other folks to, if that makes sense—rather than being scared off by a bunch of alarming reviews with sweeping generalized statements.

I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

challenging dark emotional funny hopeful informative reflective sad tense medium-paced

5.0

Doughnuts Under a Crescent Moon, Vol. 1 by Shio Usui

emotional funny hopeful inspiring lighthearted reflective relaxing medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5