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A review by adamrbrooks
I Wrote This Book Because I Love You: Essays by Tim Kreider
5.0
Books of essays often have a couple good bits, but not enough humor or thoughtfulness to sustain the whole effort. Not true here. Kreider is funny and just insightful enough about himself, without feeling like he's all navel-gazing. He recognizes his faults, but he doesn't berate himself for them or forgive himself too easily. He seems like a real person, a funny person, a caring person trying to do his best. And the writing is smooth, funny and smart. Who would think to make it work to combine 9/11, anti-war protests and falling in love in a way that really works, or see the similarities between ministry and prostitution as noble professions?
And he's got some lines which remind me of Esther Perel's insights on modern romance: "The romantic ideal whereby the person you love, the person you have sex with, and the person you own property and have children with should all be the same person is a more recent invention than the telescope." (And it's not that trying to find that person is wrong; but it's hard for everyone.)
As always, the sign of a book I liked is all the quotes I recorded:
“I had had several negative experiences with the sexily insane”
“Those moments when you overhear others describing you without censoring themselves for your benefit are like catching a glimpse of yourself in a mirror without having first combed your hair or seeing a candid photo of yourself online ... just looking the way you apparently always do”
“We can’t believe that anyone could be unkind to us and still be genuinely fond of us, although we do it all the time”
“... what I wanted was to live in a different world. I was never actually a reformer, but a utopian”
“One of the things you lose when a relationship ends is the person you got to be in it”
“Maybe love and patriotism are both adolescent illusions, scams to get us to have babies and kill strangers”
“No one finds themselves in the same country they were born in at the ends of their lives. We all die in exile”
"One way to resolve this contradiction is through "optimal similarity," finding a mate ... similar enough to feel safe, but different enough to be interesting."
"It's the tantalizing *possibility of sex -- reinforced, like an addiction to nickel slots, by the rare, sporadic payoff -- that gives life its luster."
"We all assume we're talking about the same things when we use words like "marriage" or "relationship", but I suspect that beneath these labels, however normal or similar they may look from the outside, people's private lives are as different from one another as frigid Neptune is from lead-melting Venus."
“Biologists call cats “exploitive captives” an evocative phrase that might be used to describe a lot of relationships, not all of them intersperses”
“She acted as if she were fine with our casual arrangement, which at first I accepted at face value both because guys are sort of stupid and literal but also because it was convenient”
“(The meteor) vanished so fast it was hard to tell whether it’s incandescent trail was in the atmosphere, on my retina or only in memory”
"The story we've used to make sense of the world for the last twenty centuries doesn't work anymore, and we haven't come up with a new one yet ... People seem ill-equipped to deal with the reality unveiled by the Hubble and Large Hadron Collider, with dark energy and quantum foam; it's incomprehensible and counterintuitive, not just indifferent, but utterly unrelated to human wants or fears."
And he's got some lines which remind me of Esther Perel's insights on modern romance: "The romantic ideal whereby the person you love, the person you have sex with, and the person you own property and have children with should all be the same person is a more recent invention than the telescope." (And it's not that trying to find that person is wrong; but it's hard for everyone.)
As always, the sign of a book I liked is all the quotes I recorded:
“I had had several negative experiences with the sexily insane”
“Those moments when you overhear others describing you without censoring themselves for your benefit are like catching a glimpse of yourself in a mirror without having first combed your hair or seeing a candid photo of yourself online ... just looking the way you apparently always do”
“We can’t believe that anyone could be unkind to us and still be genuinely fond of us, although we do it all the time”
“... what I wanted was to live in a different world. I was never actually a reformer, but a utopian”
“One of the things you lose when a relationship ends is the person you got to be in it”
“Maybe love and patriotism are both adolescent illusions, scams to get us to have babies and kill strangers”
“No one finds themselves in the same country they were born in at the ends of their lives. We all die in exile”
"One way to resolve this contradiction is through "optimal similarity," finding a mate ... similar enough to feel safe, but different enough to be interesting."
"It's the tantalizing *possibility of sex -- reinforced, like an addiction to nickel slots, by the rare, sporadic payoff -- that gives life its luster."
"We all assume we're talking about the same things when we use words like "marriage" or "relationship", but I suspect that beneath these labels, however normal or similar they may look from the outside, people's private lives are as different from one another as frigid Neptune is from lead-melting Venus."
“Biologists call cats “exploitive captives” an evocative phrase that might be used to describe a lot of relationships, not all of them intersperses”
“She acted as if she were fine with our casual arrangement, which at first I accepted at face value both because guys are sort of stupid and literal but also because it was convenient”
“(The meteor) vanished so fast it was hard to tell whether it’s incandescent trail was in the atmosphere, on my retina or only in memory”
"The story we've used to make sense of the world for the last twenty centuries doesn't work anymore, and we haven't come up with a new one yet ... People seem ill-equipped to deal with the reality unveiled by the Hubble and Large Hadron Collider, with dark energy and quantum foam; it's incomprehensible and counterintuitive, not just indifferent, but utterly unrelated to human wants or fears."