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margindoodles 's review for:
Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends
by Marisa G. Franco, Marisa G. Franco
Love a book with a lil personality quiz that can help you figure yourself out. Already had an inkling of what kind of attachment style I have, but I'm gratified both to be right and to see that it's also shifting with time and therapy.
Nothing revolutionary here for me, really; it's mostly reaffirming what I've already learned from years of experience and professional help. The author can dither a bit about how to apply general concepts, but I appreciate that she allows for friendship not being a science (despite the title of the book) — it's a constant negotiation of differing attachment styles, traumas, and personality types, and it can be challenging but also incredibly rewarding.
Overall, this was maybe a 3-starrer for me up until I got to the section about generosity and the misapplication of boundaries. Do you have friends or do you have a loose collection of narcissists who can't be bothered to show up for you!! The phrase "communal boundaries" (meaning boundaries you maintain with care for yourself AND ALSO care for other people) is a game-changer for anyone who's accustomed to hearing from folks that they don't have time for your genuine emotional need because they have a prior engagement (slash they just don't feel like it).
This feels like the ideal book for anyone who's wondering why they don't have deeper friendships and who doesn't know where to start. People who already have them and are generally content: you're doing great, sweetie. You probably don't need to read this.
Nothing revolutionary here for me, really; it's mostly reaffirming what I've already learned from years of experience and professional help. The author can dither a bit about how to apply general concepts, but I appreciate that she allows for friendship not being a science (despite the title of the book) — it's a constant negotiation of differing attachment styles, traumas, and personality types, and it can be challenging but also incredibly rewarding.
Overall, this was maybe a 3-starrer for me up until I got to the section about generosity and the misapplication of boundaries. Do you have friends or do you have a loose collection of narcissists who can't be bothered to show up for you!! The phrase "communal boundaries" (meaning boundaries you maintain with care for yourself AND ALSO care for other people) is a game-changer for anyone who's accustomed to hearing from folks that they don't have time for your genuine emotional need because they have a prior engagement (slash they just don't feel like it).
This feels like the ideal book for anyone who's wondering why they don't have deeper friendships and who doesn't know where to start. People who already have them and are generally content: you're doing great, sweetie. You probably don't need to read this.