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A review by katyanaish
Endgame by Ann Aguirre
4.0
This one is so, so hard for me to rate. Honestly, I always kick out reviews (when I am going to do them) immediately after reading the book, when I'm still breathing the story... but I wonder if I wouldn't be better off with time to digest. Ah well, onward.
Let's begin with: this is one of my very favorite series ever. This book in no way diminishes that - it was a good cap to the series, and will keep it solidly in my favorites pile. But was it everything it could be? I just don't know. While I am left with a general feeling of satisfaction, there are definitely some things that don't sit perfectly with me.
I'm just going to throw this whole section in spoiler tags.
That brings us to March. I'll be honest... I was pretty disenchanted with March coming into this book. Part of me hoped that, in the end, it would be Vel - the way the relationship between Jax and Vel has grown in this series... it is one of the most beautiful relationships that I have come across in any book. I was angry with March. Angry that he would set Jax aside for his needs, time and time again, but that he was pissy when she wouldn't give up everything she loved to live the life he chose for himself. He had a double-standard that was beyond unfair, and he'd been hurtful and hypocritical more times than I thought I could forgive. But it was hard... I still loved March, even while I resented him. Even when I felt like he was so inconsistent that I couldn't imagine how he could possibly ever really work out with Jax. Because Jax is many things, but inconsistent isn't one of them. She's loyal - sometimes too loyal - and she will always, always have your back once you've become part of her family. But the only person who has ever had Jax's back time and again is Vel. Not March. Not ever. When it comes to doing the things she feels she needs to do, he is not there at best... and a judgmental douchecanoe at worst.
That said, I was happy with Aguirre's resolution here. The conversation, at about the halfway point, where Jax and March put all the cards on the table - all the hurts they had been harboring - and discussed whether they really had a chance together... this was an excellent moment in this book. Jax said all the things I was thinking - she called him out on his double-standard (what's okay for him is somehow not for her) and most importantly, she called him out for being a martyr. She said she deserved better than to be his hair shirt. And it felt like March finally - finally!! - got it. And yes, I know, Jax has faults too... but she would be the last person to deny that. If anything, she beats herself up too much, takes too much onto herself. But March is just so uncompromising.
Until now. In this book, March learns to compromise... about everything. About the war, about Jax, about needing to be true to yourself, needing to keep your promises, needing to assuage your guilt... and most importantly, he learns to compromise about Vel. Because I just really couldn't have taken it if he had made her choose. If he had driven a wedge between them. Vel has always had Jax's back, he has always had the utmost faith in her, and more than anyone else, Vel's unwavering love and faith has helped Jax grow into this capable, unselfish human being that she has become. For anyone to try to separate them... it would have been devastating. But March comes to understand that you really can love someone without being in love with them (as Jax does with Vel), and you can be in love with someone without closing your heart to everyone else (as Jax does with March). It is such a beautiful, grown-up statement, and it was satisfying for that arc to resolve in such a peaceful way.
Do I think that Jax and March can really make a go of it? I... do. I really think I do. And I went into this book thinking the opposite. So make of that what you will.
Moving on... war. While I don't discount the importance of the war for hte La'heng, I guess I felt like it dominated the plot in a way that... well, I don't know. Maybe it has been too long since I read the other books, but I wasn't emotionally invested enough to spend the whole book there. Not as the LAST book in the series, you know? Again, not to say that I didn't support Loras and the La'heng's quest to be free, but... to have this book literally encompass 5 years of war just felt... I don't know. I understand the tying up of loose ends. And I understand that Jax felt like she needed to make amends to Loras (though promising to help free his entire race to make it up to him seems a bit excessive). I guess I just feel that, for the final book in this amazing series, I'd like to end somewhere more transcendent, more climactic for the series as a whole. Maybe exploring the Makers, or what Grimspace really is. I think this is where the root of my weird feeling is on this book. I wanted more, I wanted bigger. We've fought planetary wars, we've fought intergalactic wars... to end with a grueling space-less ground war that drags on for literally years, has no greater implications for the mythology of the series and ends with the La'heng saying "thanks so much for the help, now GTFO of our planet" just feels really unsatisfying. *shrug*
Oh well. I could talk about this series forever, because I really do love it completely. It has been an incredibly emotional journey. I just wish it ended with more of a bang and less of a whimper.
Let's begin with: this is one of my very favorite series ever. This book in no way diminishes that - it was a good cap to the series, and will keep it solidly in my favorites pile. But was it everything it could be? I just don't know. While I am left with a general feeling of satisfaction, there are definitely some things that don't sit perfectly with me.
I'm just going to throw this whole section in spoiler tags.
Spoiler
Firstly, a Jax book with literally no space travel, NO GRIMSPACE, it leaves me off-kilter. I think that the "she's grown and changed into a whole new woman!! kitsch was taken a bit too far in this book, and this is one place where that was definitely true. Yes, I liked that Jax no longer needs to be defined by her addiction to Grimspace, but at the same time... it is who she is. So much so that, for example, that is the tattoo that Vel wears in honor of her (the Ithtorian for "grimspace"). So much of the theme of this series seems to be that you can't find happiness if you subjugate yourself for someone else - a theme that I am completely in support of - but to literally completely deny this aspect of Jax in the final book of the series feels to go against that. I love that she no longer embraces Grimspace like a thrill-seeking addict, but at the same time, that space-faring Jax is Jax at her most alive. Her most vital. Her most real. It is hard to feel happily complete without a whole, vitally alive Jax. Even better would be a whole, vitally alive Jax, paired with March in Grimspace navigation.That brings us to March. I'll be honest... I was pretty disenchanted with March coming into this book. Part of me hoped that, in the end, it would be Vel - the way the relationship between Jax and Vel has grown in this series... it is one of the most beautiful relationships that I have come across in any book. I was angry with March. Angry that he would set Jax aside for his needs, time and time again, but that he was pissy when she wouldn't give up everything she loved to live the life he chose for himself. He had a double-standard that was beyond unfair, and he'd been hurtful and hypocritical more times than I thought I could forgive. But it was hard... I still loved March, even while I resented him. Even when I felt like he was so inconsistent that I couldn't imagine how he could possibly ever really work out with Jax. Because Jax is many things, but inconsistent isn't one of them. She's loyal - sometimes too loyal - and she will always, always have your back once you've become part of her family. But the only person who has ever had Jax's back time and again is Vel. Not March. Not ever. When it comes to doing the things she feels she needs to do, he is not there at best... and a judgmental douchecanoe at worst.
That said, I was happy with Aguirre's resolution here. The conversation, at about the halfway point, where Jax and March put all the cards on the table - all the hurts they had been harboring - and discussed whether they really had a chance together... this was an excellent moment in this book. Jax said all the things I was thinking - she called him out on his double-standard (what's okay for him is somehow not for her) and most importantly, she called him out for being a martyr. She said she deserved better than to be his hair shirt. And it felt like March finally - finally!! - got it. And yes, I know, Jax has faults too... but she would be the last person to deny that. If anything, she beats herself up too much, takes too much onto herself. But March is just so uncompromising.
Until now. In this book, March learns to compromise... about everything. About the war, about Jax, about needing to be true to yourself, needing to keep your promises, needing to assuage your guilt... and most importantly, he learns to compromise about Vel. Because I just really couldn't have taken it if he had made her choose. If he had driven a wedge between them. Vel has always had Jax's back, he has always had the utmost faith in her, and more than anyone else, Vel's unwavering love and faith has helped Jax grow into this capable, unselfish human being that she has become. For anyone to try to separate them... it would have been devastating. But March comes to understand that you really can love someone without being in love with them (as Jax does with Vel), and you can be in love with someone without closing your heart to everyone else (as Jax does with March). It is such a beautiful, grown-up statement, and it was satisfying for that arc to resolve in such a peaceful way.
Do I think that Jax and March can really make a go of it? I... do. I really think I do. And I went into this book thinking the opposite. So make of that what you will.
Moving on... war. While I don't discount the importance of the war for hte La'heng, I guess I felt like it dominated the plot in a way that... well, I don't know. Maybe it has been too long since I read the other books, but I wasn't emotionally invested enough to spend the whole book there. Not as the LAST book in the series, you know? Again, not to say that I didn't support Loras and the La'heng's quest to be free, but... to have this book literally encompass 5 years of war just felt... I don't know. I understand the tying up of loose ends. And I understand that Jax felt like she needed to make amends to Loras (though promising to help free his entire race to make it up to him seems a bit excessive). I guess I just feel that, for the final book in this amazing series, I'd like to end somewhere more transcendent, more climactic for the series as a whole. Maybe exploring the Makers, or what Grimspace really is. I think this is where the root of my weird feeling is on this book. I wanted more, I wanted bigger. We've fought planetary wars, we've fought intergalactic wars... to end with a grueling space-less ground war that drags on for literally years, has no greater implications for the mythology of the series and ends with the La'heng saying "thanks so much for the help, now GTFO of our planet" just feels really unsatisfying. *shrug*
Oh well. I could talk about this series forever, because I really do love it completely. It has been an incredibly emotional journey. I just wish it ended with more of a bang and less of a whimper.