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A review by edgwareviabank
I'm Sorry You Feel That Way by Rebecca Wait
emotional
funny
hopeful
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
I didn't think I'd enjoy I’m Sorry You Feel That Way as much as I did. Around a third in, I wasn't even sure I’d finish it: some of the family dysfunction and generational trauma reminded me of familiar dynamics in a way that left me uncomfortable and on edge. I remember closing the book one evening, at the end of a page that left me wanting to shout at Celia that she is a terrible mother, and thinking I'd need very long breaks between chapters if the content was all along those lines. I'm not sure where the comments saying this is a funny book got that from: while I enjoyed the writing (everything is in the present tense, including flashbacks, and it works really well), and some of the dialogue is quite witty, nothing about the story or its main themes made me laugh.
But I loved it. I loved it so much I could talk about it for hours, or push it into the hands of any friend around my age looking for their next read.
There is a lot for Millennial readers to relate to. In Celia's backstory, I could see all the ways she internalised a harsh, unloving upbringing and reflected it onto her own children because she never had a chance to learn that life and relationships can be any other way. As her daughters Hanna and Alice move into their twenties and thirties, there is also the uncertainty. Uncertainty about how we'll make a living, stuck with years of renting and dead-end jobs and disappointing romantic relationships, and uncertainty about what it means to be an adult, because there isn't ever a defining moment, or a switch in the way we act or feel, that we can pinpoint to be able to say we are now grown-ups.
And then, there is the fact that everyone in the book seems to be in at least one toxic relationship. It creates many layers to see the story through, some of which, perhaps, can only be unwrapped by reading it multiple times (I hadn't realised exactly how Michael fits into the pattern until I read it in a review on here!).
Towards the end, there are several moments of hope for both Hanna and Alice, and all throughout, characters receive empathy even at their meanest. It would be easy to say most of them are horrible people. They are, indeed, often unkind to each other and reluctant to change or apologise. But reality is a lot more complicated, as are families: love doesn't always flow through the most straightforward paths, or flow altogether, and part of growing up is realising when that's okay, as well as when it isn't. Rebecca Wait does an excellent job of showing all this. I feel her writing helped me see things about my own behaviour and my family that I can be more conscious about now, because the story painted such a good picture of how everyone’s shortcomings affected the people they loved.
But I loved it. I loved it so much I could talk about it for hours, or push it into the hands of any friend around my age looking for their next read.
There is a lot for Millennial readers to relate to. In Celia's backstory, I could see all the ways she internalised a harsh, unloving upbringing and reflected it onto her own children because she never had a chance to learn that life and relationships can be any other way. As her daughters Hanna and Alice move into their twenties and thirties, there is also the uncertainty. Uncertainty about how we'll make a living, stuck with years of renting and dead-end jobs and disappointing romantic relationships, and uncertainty about what it means to be an adult, because there isn't ever a defining moment, or a switch in the way we act or feel, that we can pinpoint to be able to say we are now grown-ups.
And then, there is the fact that everyone in the book seems to be in at least one toxic relationship. It creates many layers to see the story through, some of which, perhaps, can only be unwrapped by reading it multiple times (I hadn't realised exactly how Michael fits into the pattern until I read it in a review on here!).
Towards the end, there are several moments of hope for both Hanna and Alice, and all throughout, characters receive empathy even at their meanest. It would be easy to say most of them are horrible people. They are, indeed, often unkind to each other and reluctant to change or apologise. But reality is a lot more complicated, as are families: love doesn't always flow through the most straightforward paths, or flow altogether, and part of growing up is realising when that's okay, as well as when it isn't. Rebecca Wait does an excellent job of showing all this. I feel her writing helped me see things about my own behaviour and my family that I can be more conscious about now, because the story painted such a good picture of how everyone’s shortcomings affected the people they loved.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Emotional abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Bullying
Minor: Body shaming, Death of parent, and Suicidal thoughts