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A review by lindee
Whatever Gets You Through: Twelve Survivors on Life After Sexual Assault by Jen Sookfong Lee, Stacey May Fowles
5.0
Finally, survivorship from the perspective of survivors: messy stuff, not needing to make a case that this is real and bad and happens, not presented as if there is one right way to cope or heal.
This is a book that came to existence out of a real, unmet need: stories about living alongside trauma that doesn't quit, doesn't fit into a tidy package with a bow of closure on it, separate from the rest of your life after a montage sequence full of:
you pumping iron and running laps and getting so strong no one can hurt you again (lol), forever
or
you going to therapy where an inspirational person tells you the one thing that magically breaks through (lol) all the hurt and you cry buckets and then move on, forever
or
you sitting in a courtroom (lol), confronting the person who hurt you and now that your story is told and the truth has come to light and everyone believes you (lololol) and justice is served in a form that both keeps other people safe and undoes the hurt that was done you and punishing him sure fixes him up good (lololololololol)....
you know the ones.
These are ridiculous scenarios in terms of realism, but in the wish-fulfillment narratives we see in dominant media, they're the only survivors who get to be protagonists. And survivors living in the silence and shame around sexual assault believe that there is something wrong with them for not having gotten over it already. There's no goddamn manual. This is as close as you can get, I think.
I found a lot of specific ideas and experiences in these essays powerful, relatable, validating, enlightening, comforting, and important. I have decided not to list them, because they are very personal, and the ones that are most important to me may not be the most important to you. If you are seeking answers, I encourage you to read this book yourself.
P.S.: The actual title of this book, according to its cover, is Whatever Gets You Through: Twelve Survivors on Life After Sexual Assault. It's also listed as the 'original' title. I'm not really sure what happened there. I do not think the authors and editors of this book would have chosen a less inclusive title, the way essentialism can harm survivors is discussed by multiple contributors, and I hope this gets fixed.
P.P.S.: This book gets full marks from me for meaningful representation. It is also super Canadian.
This is a book that came to existence out of a real, unmet need: stories about living alongside trauma that doesn't quit, doesn't fit into a tidy package with a bow of closure on it, separate from the rest of your life after a montage sequence full of:
you pumping iron and running laps and getting so strong no one can hurt you again (lol), forever
or
you going to therapy where an inspirational person tells you the one thing that magically breaks through (lol) all the hurt and you cry buckets and then move on, forever
or
you sitting in a courtroom (lol), confronting the person who hurt you and now that your story is told and the truth has come to light and everyone believes you (lololol) and justice is served in a form that both keeps other people safe and undoes the hurt that was done you and punishing him sure fixes him up good (lololololololol)....
you know the ones.
These are ridiculous scenarios in terms of realism, but in the wish-fulfillment narratives we see in dominant media, they're the only survivors who get to be protagonists. And survivors living in the silence and shame around sexual assault believe that there is something wrong with them for not having gotten over it already. There's no goddamn manual. This is as close as you can get, I think.
I found a lot of specific ideas and experiences in these essays powerful, relatable, validating, enlightening, comforting, and important. I have decided not to list them, because they are very personal, and the ones that are most important to me may not be the most important to you. If you are seeking answers, I encourage you to read this book yourself.
P.S.: The actual title of this book, according to its cover, is Whatever Gets You Through: Twelve Survivors on Life After Sexual Assault. It's also listed as the 'original' title. I'm not really sure what happened there. I do not think the authors and editors of this book would have chosen a less inclusive title, the way essentialism can harm survivors is discussed by multiple contributors, and I hope this gets fixed.
P.P.S.: This book gets full marks from me for meaningful representation. It is also super Canadian.