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A review by helpfulsnowman
The Hypo: The Melancholic Young Lincoln by Noah Van Sciver
2.0
Just not really up my alley.
Gotta say, Lincoln had a shit life. Or maybe everyone did back then.
At one point he's got a roommate, but way more than a roommate. They sleep in the same bed, and in fact the roommate uses the fact that he just had sex with some lady in the bed as a selling point because now it's nice and warm. Not as in warm, passion-wise, as in heat-wise.
I can't even imagine a roommate that said, "Dude, great news. I just banged some lady in our shared bed, so we won't even have to turn on the heating bill. Take that, Xcel energy!"
Also, at one point Lincoln narrowly avoids having a sword duel with some guy. They were both holding swords, ready to go at it, all because Lincoln wrote a bunch of letters to a newspaper basically pointing out that the dude is a shithead. I don't understand some people's concept of honor whatsoever. I mean, sure, if you call someone a shithead in the newspaper over and over, I would expect him to be pissed. I could even see a fistfight. But I don't really think that murdering the dude with a sword is a reasonable reaction. Again, I know this is looking at it through a modern lens, but let's imagine this conversation for a moment:
Me: "This guy keeps saying I'm insane in the newspaper."
My Friend: "What are you going to do about it?"
Me: "I don't know. Possibly kill him with a sword out in the woods somewhere."
Okay? So point proven? I'll show HIM who the real asshole is.
I mean, seriously, who wins in these duels? The guy who kept getting called an asshole and decided to stab his opponent? Or the guy who kept calling a guy an asshole in the newspaper and then killed him? Neither person seems to be behaving like any kind of adult here.
Don't get me wrong. I DO think that sometimes people deserve an ass-kicking. I really do. At the risk of sounding like Ted Nugent or something, I sometimes think that society has gone a little too far the other way. I can't tell you how many times I've been out jogging when people have screamed things at me or thrown shit out the window as they pass by. And when you flip them off or yell "Fuck you" they will often turn the car around or stop and want to fight. I am not kidding even a little bit, this has happened to me more than once. And the really unfortunate part is that the fists never fly. I say it's unfortunate because if you throw garbage at someone from your car, then stop when they yell at you to fuck off and act like them's fightin' words, I don't know how else you can be communicated with. When you feel that throwing garbage at a person from a passing car is an unassailable act, we aren't even in the same reality anymore.
I know I probably sound like a crazy person here, but I've been shot by paintball, hit with a glass bottle, and had a cup of urine thrown on me by random strangers for having the audacity to be on the sidewalk.
So on the one hand, I'm nostalgic for a time that may not exist when you would have to be prepared to deal with a pissed off dude if you attacked him, even politely. On the other, I don't think these people deserve to die.
I guess maybe that's why I hate olden times so much. Everything goes a little too far for my liking. A guy says your wife put on weight, you cleave him in half instead of going ahead and breaking his arm for him. Your roommate is a womanizer, you have to share his bed with him instead of hearing him through the wall all the time.
Gotta say, Lincoln had a shit life. Or maybe everyone did back then.
At one point he's got a roommate, but way more than a roommate. They sleep in the same bed, and in fact the roommate uses the fact that he just had sex with some lady in the bed as a selling point because now it's nice and warm. Not as in warm, passion-wise, as in heat-wise.
I can't even imagine a roommate that said, "Dude, great news. I just banged some lady in our shared bed, so we won't even have to turn on the heating bill. Take that, Xcel energy!"
Also, at one point Lincoln narrowly avoids having a sword duel with some guy. They were both holding swords, ready to go at it, all because Lincoln wrote a bunch of letters to a newspaper basically pointing out that the dude is a shithead. I don't understand some people's concept of honor whatsoever. I mean, sure, if you call someone a shithead in the newspaper over and over, I would expect him to be pissed. I could even see a fistfight. But I don't really think that murdering the dude with a sword is a reasonable reaction. Again, I know this is looking at it through a modern lens, but let's imagine this conversation for a moment:
Me: "This guy keeps saying I'm insane in the newspaper."
My Friend: "What are you going to do about it?"
Me: "I don't know. Possibly kill him with a sword out in the woods somewhere."
Okay? So point proven? I'll show HIM who the real asshole is.
I mean, seriously, who wins in these duels? The guy who kept getting called an asshole and decided to stab his opponent? Or the guy who kept calling a guy an asshole in the newspaper and then killed him? Neither person seems to be behaving like any kind of adult here.
Don't get me wrong. I DO think that sometimes people deserve an ass-kicking. I really do. At the risk of sounding like Ted Nugent or something, I sometimes think that society has gone a little too far the other way. I can't tell you how many times I've been out jogging when people have screamed things at me or thrown shit out the window as they pass by. And when you flip them off or yell "Fuck you" they will often turn the car around or stop and want to fight. I am not kidding even a little bit, this has happened to me more than once. And the really unfortunate part is that the fists never fly. I say it's unfortunate because if you throw garbage at someone from your car, then stop when they yell at you to fuck off and act like them's fightin' words, I don't know how else you can be communicated with. When you feel that throwing garbage at a person from a passing car is an unassailable act, we aren't even in the same reality anymore.
I know I probably sound like a crazy person here, but I've been shot by paintball, hit with a glass bottle, and had a cup of urine thrown on me by random strangers for having the audacity to be on the sidewalk.
So on the one hand, I'm nostalgic for a time that may not exist when you would have to be prepared to deal with a pissed off dude if you attacked him, even politely. On the other, I don't think these people deserve to die.
I guess maybe that's why I hate olden times so much. Everything goes a little too far for my liking. A guy says your wife put on weight, you cleave him in half instead of going ahead and breaking his arm for him. Your roommate is a womanizer, you have to share his bed with him instead of hearing him through the wall all the time.