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A review by lnlee78
It's Not Like It's a Secret by Misa Sugiura
5.0
I loved this book but I'm not sure if "the cute teen lesbian romance we always wanted" is an accurate description for it (if that's the expectation that people had for this book, I can see why they were disappointed!). IMO, it seemed to be more about the story of a girl whose dad is unfaithful, and how that affects her as she tries to grapple with her identity (racial, sexual, etc.), relationships (with SOs, friends, parents, etc.), and sense of self.
As a bi individual, I appreciated the Asian queer rep in this book (which I thought was well-done even though it may not be "own voices"), and I esp appreciated the fact that Sana went from thinking she was straight-->considered the possibility of being lesbian and felt shame for it because of her highly traditional Asian background-->accepted herself as a lesbian+found love-->questioned whether she is lesbian or bi/tried to date a boy because of external pressures to be a "normal Asian girl"-->completely accepted herself as a lesbian/owned up to her mistakes before finally being accepted by family and friends. It was a bit messy, I know, but as someone who comes from a similar background as Sana, it felt more genuine and true to home than the "I'm confident in my queer identity" non-Asian queer stories that I've seen in YA before.
And although I acknowledge the fact that the Latinx rep might be problematic, I think the book accurately depicted the views of the Asian parents/teens I have known in my life (again, just my experience as the daughter of highly racist Asian parents who also have friends that are similarly racist). Sana's exploration of the different POC social groups in a diverse high school and how each has their own micro-aggressions against the other also rang very painfully true to me. And I appreciated the fact that Sugiura not only addressed those racist ideas as problematic but also showed how Sana learned that she herself was not "color blind" due to her own upbringing and learned to own up to her mistakes. I also SCREAMED in the scene with the white cop, since everything the white cop said to Sana to set up Asians as a "model minority" to put them apart/against other POC groups (down to the "oh (this asian country) is so clean! There are lots of good food there! People are so nice and there is no crime because there aren't any (THIS group of people)!") was something I experienced in my own life in the Bay Area (PSA to white people in case it wasn't obvious: this is also a form of racism, since it not only says Asians are 'exotic' but also pits a POC group against another.)
On a personal level, I definitely appreciated the beginning of the book, when Sana first realizes that she will NEVER fit in with her all-white friends no matter how much she thinks she does, as well as the culture shock she received when she moved to a more diverse area, in which she strangely/sadly felt like an Other, too, even among other Asians (that was me while growing up, too). The progression of her relationships with her parents as well as the conversations she has with her mother towards the end were also very emotional and important for me (I cried a LOT).
This book is messy. It confronts issues and boldly includes conversations that might make some readers uncomfortable. It contains complicated relationships and yes, there is cheating in this book. The cheating was especially painful to read, personally, but as someone who grew up with friends who had to deal with cheating fathers early on and witnessed how that messed up how THEY themselves dealt with their own personal relationships (i.e.: gave them fearful/unstable views about relationships, just like Sana's)...I felt like Sana's personal journey (and her mistakes) was sadly very accurate, in the psychological sense.
So TL;DR: this book isn't just a "sweet lesbian romance." YES, it has very cute girl-romance scenes that I adored, but this book is more of a coming-of-age story of a girl who comes from a "messy" background (b/c of her parents' backstories/views) who learns about herself, owns up to her mistakes, and pursues who/what she truly wants. And for that, this book felt incredibly important.
As a bi individual, I appreciated the Asian queer rep in this book (which I thought was well-done even though it may not be "own voices"), and I esp appreciated the fact that Sana went from thinking she was straight-->considered the possibility of being lesbian and felt shame for it because of her highly traditional Asian background-->accepted herself as a lesbian+found love-->questioned whether she is lesbian or bi/tried to date a boy because of external pressures to be a "normal Asian girl"-->completely accepted herself as a lesbian/owned up to her mistakes before finally being accepted by family and friends. It was a bit messy, I know, but as someone who comes from a similar background as Sana, it felt more genuine and true to home than the "I'm confident in my queer identity" non-Asian queer stories that I've seen in YA before.
And although I acknowledge the fact that the Latinx rep might be problematic, I think the book accurately depicted the views of the Asian parents/teens I have known in my life (again, just my experience as the daughter of highly racist Asian parents who also have friends that are similarly racist). Sana's exploration of the different POC social groups in a diverse high school and how each has their own micro-aggressions against the other also rang very painfully true to me. And I appreciated the fact that Sugiura not only addressed those racist ideas as problematic but also showed how Sana learned that she herself was not "color blind" due to her own upbringing and learned to own up to her mistakes. I also SCREAMED in the scene with the white cop, since everything the white cop said to Sana to set up Asians as a "model minority" to put them apart/against other POC groups (down to the "oh (this asian country) is so clean! There are lots of good food there! People are so nice and there is no crime because there aren't any (THIS group of people)!") was something I experienced in my own life in the Bay Area (PSA to white people in case it wasn't obvious: this is also a form of racism, since it not only says Asians are 'exotic' but also pits a POC group against another.)
On a personal level, I definitely appreciated the beginning of the book, when Sana first realizes that she will NEVER fit in with her all-white friends no matter how much she thinks she does, as well as the culture shock she received when she moved to a more diverse area, in which she strangely/sadly felt like an Other, too, even among other Asians (that was me while growing up, too). The progression of her relationships with her parents as well as the conversations she has with her mother towards the end were also very emotional and important for me (I cried a LOT).
This book is messy. It confronts issues and boldly includes conversations that might make some readers uncomfortable. It contains complicated relationships and yes, there is cheating in this book. The cheating was especially painful to read, personally, but as someone who grew up with friends who had to deal with cheating fathers early on and witnessed how that messed up how THEY themselves dealt with their own personal relationships (i.e.: gave them fearful/unstable views about relationships, just like Sana's)...I felt like Sana's personal journey (and her mistakes) was sadly very accurate, in the psychological sense.
So TL;DR: this book isn't just a "sweet lesbian romance." YES, it has very cute girl-romance scenes that I adored, but this book is more of a coming-of-age story of a girl who comes from a "messy" background (b/c of her parents' backstories/views) who learns about herself, owns up to her mistakes, and pursues who/what she truly wants. And for that, this book felt incredibly important.