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A review by alisonwong
It's a Boy! Understanding Your Son's Development from Birth to Age 18 by Teresa Barker, Michael G. Thompson
4.0
I started reading this book when my eldest son was one (before my second was born); continued reading it until he was eight, then abandoned it on the bottom shelf behind Chinese workbooks and travel guides for kids. In the interim years, I had a daughter, got promoted at work and believed with hubris that I knew my boys so well that I did not need to pick it up again.
It wasn’t until 15 weeks of COVID-19 virtual learning brought us all under the same roof 24/7 that I realised how much I didn’t know about my children, particularly my boys who are now 11 and 13. Seeing their work habits and social interaction inside and outside their online classes showed me things about them that I didn’t know and a growth and development that both surprised and bewildered me. I realised that I had fallen into the trap of equating the boys’ physical maturity with emotional maturity; that they were going through complicated changes I was only engaging with on a superficial level.
I had let years of teaching at the same school that my children attend fool me into thinking that I knew what they were thinking and doing every day. I let my experience of the developmental patterns of middle and high schoolers lead me to think that I know where my boys were headed. I was wrong.
Going back to ‘It’s a Boy!’ reassured me that all is not lost; that I have not alienated my boys for good and that, most importantly, being an active and engaged mom does not stop when the kids can do their own homework and fix their own breakfasts unprompted. I love the line near the end of the book where Michael Thompson gently reminds parents of boys that further cognitive milestones occur at ages 25 and 30. I can’t tell you how profoundly grateful I am for the prompt to really focus on motherhood again at a time when I thought I would be winding it down.
It wasn’t until 15 weeks of COVID-19 virtual learning brought us all under the same roof 24/7 that I realised how much I didn’t know about my children, particularly my boys who are now 11 and 13. Seeing their work habits and social interaction inside and outside their online classes showed me things about them that I didn’t know and a growth and development that both surprised and bewildered me. I realised that I had fallen into the trap of equating the boys’ physical maturity with emotional maturity; that they were going through complicated changes I was only engaging with on a superficial level.
I had let years of teaching at the same school that my children attend fool me into thinking that I knew what they were thinking and doing every day. I let my experience of the developmental patterns of middle and high schoolers lead me to think that I know where my boys were headed. I was wrong.
Going back to ‘It’s a Boy!’ reassured me that all is not lost; that I have not alienated my boys for good and that, most importantly, being an active and engaged mom does not stop when the kids can do their own homework and fix their own breakfasts unprompted. I love the line near the end of the book where Michael Thompson gently reminds parents of boys that further cognitive milestones occur at ages 25 and 30. I can’t tell you how profoundly grateful I am for the prompt to really focus on motherhood again at a time when I thought I would be winding it down.