A review by sinthomo
The Bonds of Love: Psychoanalysis, Feminism, and the Problem of Domination by Jessica Benjamin

Benjamin sees no need to distinguish erotic domination fantasy—where total psychic murder collapses the tension and provokes abandonment or actual murder—and lived experience of domination, where the extent of self effacement is the strength of the bind, and murder is the response to self assertion. This focus on a singular and inadequate model of domination severely limits the applicability of many of her arguments. While "personal power relationships" are acknowledged, they are of little interest. the universe depicted is contained to domestic dyads and occasionally triads whose dramas are little disturbed by outside forces, despite the objection made to public/private dualism and isolated conceptions of the self.

I felt like i was sifting through symbolic archetypes and Robert Stoller citations for the real meat, most of which had to do with intersubjectivity. The identification of rationality with domination is convincing, but the identification with inherent masculinism slides into the overdetermination of dichotomous gender that is evident throughout. For example:

The ideal of the autonomous individual could only be created by abstracting from the relationship of dependency between men and women. The relationships which people require to nurture them are considered private, and not truly relationships with outside others. Thus the other is reduced to an appendage of the subject—the mere condition of his being—not a being in her own right.

This is a relationship of servitude, and presenting the autonomous ideal as one women are nar categorically excluded from erases the same capability of women to invisibilize labor they are dependent on. 

A reorganization of key insights is in order.