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A review by mrsdragon
The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us about the Relationship Between Parents and Children by Alison Gopnik
3.0
This book came well recommended and as someone already on board with the ideas of treating children with respect and giving them room to discover things on their own, I thought it would be an interesting read. Instead, it was an exercise in rolling my eyes at the sheer boomer audacity of it all.
I agree with the overall thesis of the book...children do best when we seek to give them tools (critical thinking) and not answers. The stories of the experiments the author has run in her lab were fascinating glimpses into brain development and the science behind that thesis. But, that could have easily been a single article, or, if you really wanted all the details on the experiments, a chapter or two. The rest of the book is fluffed up variously with poor "evolutionary" arguments she is setting up to debunk, truisms of dubious accuracy, her own personal interactions with her grandsons, and throwaway, single sentence, asides on politically charged topics. Despite her stated intentions, her phrasing is often breathtakingly callous (we love children "despite" any medical conditions they may have? With a heavy implication that this is senseless and illogical? Giving children ADHD meds is "drugging 3 year olds"?). If you can push past that the intended messages (we love our children unconditionally, schools should change to accommodate a diversity of brains rather than expecting all children to conform to a single mold) are good but constantly doing so is exhausting. Especially for so little "meat".
If you are looking for actual help on HOW to parent this way, pick up [b:Raising Human Beings: Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child|27276440|Raising Human Beings Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child|Ross W. Greene|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1470579356l/27276440._SY75_.jpg|47330713] or [b:How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk|769016|How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk|Adele Faber|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1442201568l/769016._SY75_.jpg|2738870]. For a more substantial discussion of some adjacent theory, pick up [b:Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise and Other Bribes|541132|Punished by Rewards The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise and Other Bribes|Alfie Kohn|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1422456630l/541132._SY75_.jpg|776112].
I agree with the overall thesis of the book...children do best when we seek to give them tools (critical thinking) and not answers. The stories of the experiments the author has run in her lab were fascinating glimpses into brain development and the science behind that thesis. But, that could have easily been a single article, or, if you really wanted all the details on the experiments, a chapter or two. The rest of the book is fluffed up variously with poor "evolutionary" arguments she is setting up to debunk, truisms of dubious accuracy, her own personal interactions with her grandsons, and throwaway, single sentence, asides on politically charged topics. Despite her stated intentions, her phrasing is often breathtakingly callous (we love children "despite" any medical conditions they may have? With a heavy implication that this is senseless and illogical? Giving children ADHD meds is "drugging 3 year olds"?). If you can push past that the intended messages (we love our children unconditionally, schools should change to accommodate a diversity of brains rather than expecting all children to conform to a single mold) are good but constantly doing so is exhausting. Especially for so little "meat".
If you are looking for actual help on HOW to parent this way, pick up [b:Raising Human Beings: Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child|27276440|Raising Human Beings Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child|Ross W. Greene|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1470579356l/27276440._SY75_.jpg|47330713] or [b:How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk|769016|How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk|Adele Faber|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1442201568l/769016._SY75_.jpg|2738870]. For a more substantial discussion of some adjacent theory, pick up [b:Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise and Other Bribes|541132|Punished by Rewards The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise and Other Bribes|Alfie Kohn|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1422456630l/541132._SY75_.jpg|776112].