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tophat8855's review against another edition
4.0
Still reading- it's very long, but good stuff. This will be finished by the 3rd Wednesday of April, I promise. It's due back then. :)
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Didn't actually finish it because we've been busy over here. It is really long and probably doesn't need to be that long, but I liked that I could read a paragraph, put it down, and come back to it later. While I'm sure it's nice to read the chapters as whole entities, reading just a paragraph at a time was useful for refocusing myself in the moment- and was convenient with a 2 year old. I liked the emphasis that you don't have to meditate in the traditional sense to be "Zen" but that you can just fully be in the moment in your day. Instead of thinking about getting to your destination and whether or not you're late, just walk. And while it's nice to multitask, sometimes just focusing on what's going on now is more helpful.
The second half of the book was more attachment-focused with chapters about bedsharing/cosleeping, breastfeeding, etc.
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Didn't actually finish it because we've been busy over here. It is really long and probably doesn't need to be that long, but I liked that I could read a paragraph, put it down, and come back to it later. While I'm sure it's nice to read the chapters as whole entities, reading just a paragraph at a time was useful for refocusing myself in the moment- and was convenient with a 2 year old. I liked the emphasis that you don't have to meditate in the traditional sense to be "Zen" but that you can just fully be in the moment in your day. Instead of thinking about getting to your destination and whether or not you're late, just walk. And while it's nice to multitask, sometimes just focusing on what's going on now is more helpful.
The second half of the book was more attachment-focused with chapters about bedsharing/cosleeping, breastfeeding, etc.
ovenbird_reads's review against another edition
3.0
Nothing really new here for anyone who has already read books by Kabat-Zinn or on mindfulness in general, but it was still a pleasant book that has some good ideas about how to encounter your children and help them to live most fully in the world.
tofupup's review against another edition
5.0
I absolutely loved this one. It was full of reminders of what I really am trying to do with these little ones and myself.
kymme's review against another edition
3.0
I'm not actually done reading this book, but I'm not reading it all at once, either, so to keep it from forever languishing on the "currently-reading" shelf, I'll write about the first third or so.
I like the concept of this book, that one can and should bring a sense of calm and reflection to parenting situations, and that if you pay attention to yourself as you interact with your child, instead of simply reacting (to, say, an entire photo album of pre-digital beloved pictures being spread by your toddler on the not-exactly-clean-or-dry kitchen floor in the 30 seconds it took you to take a pot off the stove and dump the pasta into a colander, not that I have any personal experience to draw on!), both you and the child will benefit. It's a lovely sentiment, which I mean sincerely. [Nice, deep breath here.]
The book is only okay, though, because the writing is somewhat odd--it's a husband-wife team, and they take turns writing sections, which they indicate by placing their initials after "I." Despite my fondness for initials in general, I find this incredibly distracting and annoying in the middle of a sentence (which gives me an opportunity to work on mindfulness, I suppose). The MLA devotee in me wants to gently suggest the "citation" go at the end of the sentence, or at least at the end of a phrase, thankyouverymuch...
So I might not finish it, but it's not bad at the content level.
I like the concept of this book, that one can and should bring a sense of calm and reflection to parenting situations, and that if you pay attention to yourself as you interact with your child, instead of simply reacting (to, say, an entire photo album of pre-digital beloved pictures being spread by your toddler on the not-exactly-clean-or-dry kitchen floor in the 30 seconds it took you to take a pot off the stove and dump the pasta into a colander, not that I have any personal experience to draw on!), both you and the child will benefit. It's a lovely sentiment, which I mean sincerely. [Nice, deep breath here.]
The book is only okay, though, because the writing is somewhat odd--it's a husband-wife team, and they take turns writing sections, which they indicate by placing their initials after "I." Despite my fondness for initials in general, I find this incredibly distracting and annoying in the middle of a sentence (which gives me an opportunity to work on mindfulness, I suppose). The MLA devotee in me wants to gently suggest the "citation" go at the end of the sentence, or at least at the end of a phrase, thankyouverymuch...
So I might not finish it, but it's not bad at the content level.
megatsunami's review against another edition
2.0
I'm sure this makes me all un-spiritual and un-evolved and whatever, but parts of this book really pissed me off. This might be just my defensiveness as a new parent talking, but a lot of the time I felt like the authors were lecturing me about how if I could just see things from my child's perspective then I would never get angry or upset. You know what? I love my child, and I do see things from her perspective. AND, being a parent is hard, so would you mind giving me a little empathy first, since this book is for me? KTHX.
P.S. The authors come across as really self-righteous in the "attachment parenting" focused chapters, where they go on and on about horribly self-centered American parents (read: mothers) who park their children in strollers and "hard plastic seats" and ignore them and make them cry themselves to sleep. Oh, please. Perhaps you should be a little more "mindful" about judging others.
P.P.S. Two years after writing this review: I saw this book in the bookstore and wondered, "Was I just overly defensive as a new parent? Maybe I was wrong about this book." Picked it up, started looking through it, and immediately found myself getting angry again. Nope! My opinion hasn't changed.
P.S. The authors come across as really self-righteous in the "attachment parenting" focused chapters, where they go on and on about horribly self-centered American parents (read: mothers) who park their children in strollers and "hard plastic seats" and ignore them and make them cry themselves to sleep. Oh, please. Perhaps you should be a little more "mindful" about judging others.
P.P.S. Two years after writing this review: I saw this book in the bookstore and wondered, "Was I just overly defensive as a new parent? Maybe I was wrong about this book." Picked it up, started looking through it, and immediately found myself getting angry again. Nope! My opinion hasn't changed.
pastaylor's review against another edition
4.0
This was an excellent reminder to approach parenting with compassion. I found it incredibly helpful in helping me deal with my 2-year-old. It put a lot of things in perspective, and helped me enjoy our time together rather than being perpetually irritated at her two-year-oldness.
Like some other reviewers, I had issues with their take on attachment parenting, but I chose to skim those paragraphs and acknowledge that what works for my family might not work for theirs.
Like some other reviewers, I had issues with their take on attachment parenting, but I chose to skim those paragraphs and acknowledge that what works for my family might not work for theirs.
amslersf's review against another edition
3.0
This was a good book, but generally I think parents would be better served by studying meditation/mindfulness and reading my favorite book on raising babies/kids: "Our Babies, Ourselves: How biology and culture shape the way we parent." "Our Babies, Ourselves" gives a non judgmental look at parenting across cultures and what those decisions infer about values. You're left to decide what type of child you hope to raise and what decisions might support that process.
elizabethwiseman's review against another edition
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
relaxing
slow-paced
5.0
inthecommonhours's review against another edition
3.0
A library check out that I didn't finish. I liked it but it didn't keep my attention. I think I like the idea of it more than the book itself.
ETA: The above was written in 2008, and true.
In 2011, I read it with a sangha/mindful mamas group, and finally read the whole thing. Definitely got more out of it in this context.
A few passages I marked:
"Boys need the presence of competent, embodied men in their lives, men who DO know who they are and are not afraid of or numb to how they feel, men who are empathic and accepting, playful, wild and soulful, who are not enslaved by their work, and don't fear or hate women. The presence of strong, empathic men in the fole of father, grandfather or mentor is always important for young boys, but it is needed more and more as boys move into adolescence. The transition from boy to man requires a vision, a new way of seeing, and a new way of being in the body." p.271
"Children want so much to feel "normal" in what they can do and see, and they compare themselves, naturally enough, to what their friends are allowed to do and watch, and how they behave. What is considered "normal" in our society is often violent, cruel, and much of the time, demeaning to women. It is so ever present that we can become inured to it and hardly see it at all...Our girls truly need us as their allies in a culture where their way of seeing things---and what may be most important to them---is often not valued or even acknowledged." p.286
p. 328 paraphrasing: "It is essential that parents, schools and communities collaborate and provide opportunities / activities that naturally build self-awareness, along with self-discipline and self-confidence. Having more and more freedom and faced with all sorts of choices, some of which are destructive and dangerous...older children must develop self-awareness---in touch with what they are feeling in any given situation, including highly conflicted feelings, and to ask themselves what it is they really need. With some self-awareness, they are more likely to make healthier choices and better able to set their own limits and boundaries." p. 328
Loved the chapter on "Minding Our Own Business" p. 330 "...(for them to trust us) requires presence and availability on our part. It also requires a healthy respect for interiority, for the inner life we can never know of someone else, and are lucky if we can recognize in oneself,...It is a delicate balance, requiring a high degree os sensitivity, discernment and patience. Patience and presence without prying or probing or being overbearing, and without judging them when our children do share something with us...
Our job is to take care of our own inner business, the business of our own mind, our own body, our own relationships, and our own life, according the same freedome and respect to our children as they make the transition from total dependency as small children to independent and interdependent adults.
The heart of the book for me is p. 353..."our children's attempts to be accepted for who they actually are, rather than for what we---in our ignorance of how things are, and out of our own fears---might want them to be." If we pretend...stuff the invalid or unaccepted parts of ourselves, they fester and grow toxic from lack of acknowledgement and expression. They linger there and can influence our life trajectory in momentous ways we may not see...
There is a list of intentions and exercises in the back that distill the book even more. I found it cumbersome, overly wordy, and could not stick to it on my own, but with a group to pull me through it, I found much to admire and take to heart.
ETA: The above was written in 2008, and true.
In 2011, I read it with a sangha/mindful mamas group, and finally read the whole thing. Definitely got more out of it in this context.
A few passages I marked:
"Boys need the presence of competent, embodied men in their lives, men who DO know who they are and are not afraid of or numb to how they feel, men who are empathic and accepting, playful, wild and soulful, who are not enslaved by their work, and don't fear or hate women. The presence of strong, empathic men in the fole of father, grandfather or mentor is always important for young boys, but it is needed more and more as boys move into adolescence. The transition from boy to man requires a vision, a new way of seeing, and a new way of being in the body." p.271
"Children want so much to feel "normal" in what they can do and see, and they compare themselves, naturally enough, to what their friends are allowed to do and watch, and how they behave. What is considered "normal" in our society is often violent, cruel, and much of the time, demeaning to women. It is so ever present that we can become inured to it and hardly see it at all...Our girls truly need us as their allies in a culture where their way of seeing things---and what may be most important to them---is often not valued or even acknowledged." p.286
p. 328 paraphrasing: "It is essential that parents, schools and communities collaborate and provide opportunities / activities that naturally build self-awareness, along with self-discipline and self-confidence. Having more and more freedom and faced with all sorts of choices, some of which are destructive and dangerous...older children must develop self-awareness---in touch with what they are feeling in any given situation, including highly conflicted feelings, and to ask themselves what it is they really need. With some self-awareness, they are more likely to make healthier choices and better able to set their own limits and boundaries." p. 328
Loved the chapter on "Minding Our Own Business" p. 330 "...(for them to trust us) requires presence and availability on our part. It also requires a healthy respect for interiority, for the inner life we can never know of someone else, and are lucky if we can recognize in oneself,...It is a delicate balance, requiring a high degree os sensitivity, discernment and patience. Patience and presence without prying or probing or being overbearing, and without judging them when our children do share something with us...
Our job is to take care of our own inner business, the business of our own mind, our own body, our own relationships, and our own life, according the same freedome and respect to our children as they make the transition from total dependency as small children to independent and interdependent adults.
The heart of the book for me is p. 353..."our children's attempts to be accepted for who they actually are, rather than for what we---in our ignorance of how things are, and out of our own fears---might want them to be." If we pretend...stuff the invalid or unaccepted parts of ourselves, they fester and grow toxic from lack of acknowledgement and expression. They linger there and can influence our life trajectory in momentous ways we may not see...
There is a list of intentions and exercises in the back that distill the book even more. I found it cumbersome, overly wordy, and could not stick to it on my own, but with a group to pull me through it, I found much to admire and take to heart.
sarahfett's review against another edition
2.0
I kept skimming ahead looking for practical advice, but it was all theoretical and redundant.