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bibliobethreads's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
carolineh5698's review
challenging
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.75
catherineamerica's review against another edition
2.0
More like a 1.5. April/Gretel was annoying, self-centered, and crazy. I don’t think she really learned anything in the end. She didn’t really “evolve.” The only redeeming scenes were the boxing scenes. Joshua deserved better. As a victim of the same stuff April went through, who has worked with other victims like April does (but in person), I found her to still be off her rocker.
greggles_93's review
5.0
A truly hard hitting, painfully honest and incredibly raw account of what it is like to live within the realms of haunting sexual and psychological trauma. A profound commentary on the place of modern feminism in contemporary society, and an almost microscopic examination of the nature of dating and relationships in the 21st century. Would 100% recommend.
margaridamlopes's review
5.0
The summary for this book is so misleading and does not do it justice at all. This is NOT a "light" book. And don't let it fool you with the opening line - I swear she's going somewhere with it.
It covers abuse and its eternal consequences for the victims and I found myself crying with the women of the boxing class. It honestly has so much more depth than it seems when you read its summary and oh, damn, did it make me think. I'm definitely thinking of all the Aprils out there who suffer atrocities beyond imaginable.
That aside, I've never related to any character in a book more than I related to April. I read myself in so many of her thoughts, expectations, disappointments and overall fears when it comes to self-worthiness and love. I was physically nodding and wanting to scream "I KNOW! EXACTLY!".
I don't consider it to be a light book but, in a way, it was also not a heavy one. It was, to say the least, insightful and very real.
I'm unsure of my rating so I'll just leave it at 4 and come back to it later.
It covers abuse and its eternal consequences for the victims and I found myself crying with the women of the boxing class. It honestly has so much more depth than it seems when you read its summary and oh, damn, did it make me think. I'm definitely thinking of all the Aprils out there who suffer atrocities beyond imaginable.
That aside, I've never related to any character in a book more than I related to April. I read myself in so many of her thoughts, expectations, disappointments and overall fears when it comes to self-worthiness and love. I was physically nodding and wanting to scream "I KNOW! EXACTLY!".
I don't consider it to be a light book but, in a way, it was also not a heavy one. It was, to say the least, insightful and very real.
I'm unsure of my rating so I'll just leave it at 4 and come back to it later.
philippakmoore's review
5.0
CW: Rape, sexual assault, PTSD, trauma.
Pretending was not an easy read. It asks some painful, complicated and difficult questions but it answers them with courage, understanding and an overall empowering message of hope.
April is a rape survivor and decides, after yet another failed attempt to date someone new and move on from her trauma, that she will create an alias - "Gretel" - whereby she will be every man's fantasy and therefore have all the power. Detached, cool, not needy, no baggage. She will act like a woman who has never experienced sexual violence. She will treat men like they have treated her - for her own needs, serving a purpose, nothing more. It doesn't quite go to plan.
Add to this April's job, which is working as a team leader for a sexual health and trauma helpline/charity. She loves the work but finds herself regularly triggered by it. Needless to say, April has a few more painful experiences - as herself and as Gretel - until she realises she can't keep pretending.
This book takes gender power imbalances and male privilege to task, and then some. It is a powerful, sad, angry and visceral portrayal of life after rape and sexual assault, exploring with sensitivity the pain of having to function after such a trauma in a society that by and large doesn't really understand, has a tendency to blame the victim and constantly questions whether you are entitled to your anger and pain.
Bourne explains: "The thing about being a victim of rape is that you are constantly a source of discomfort. To yourself, as well as others. So many men have sex with women who have been raped, and yet they do not know it. Because the women don't tell them, because, here's the thing: being raped is the least sexy thing ever. It has nothing to do with sex and yet everything to do with sex...You don't want to be the broken one. Especially as it wasn't your fault this happened to you, although, of course, something you worry it was your fault. So you pretend, a lot, that you're fine. That you're like the other girls. But...maybe you are pretending to be a woman everyone else is pretending to be too?"
You might be forgiven for thinking this is a heavy and hard read, and it is, in places. But why this book works so well is because the "pretending" in it is duplicitous, giving the story light as well as the necessary dark. There is the "pretending" that everyone does, especially with online dating apps (how many people pretend they want to travel to Africa and climb Mt Kilimanjaro, for example!) which makes for some rather hilarious moments; and then there is the pretending where you conceal deep, painful trauma, attempting to live as though it never happened.
No spoilers - but it ends on a resilient, realistic and hopeful note. If you have ever doubted yourself, your strength or your worth, you will feel quite differently by the end of Pretending.
By no means an easy book to read, but an important one. I hope a lot of men read it.
With thanks to the author, publisher and Netgalley for an ARC.
Pretending was not an easy read. It asks some painful, complicated and difficult questions but it answers them with courage, understanding and an overall empowering message of hope.
April is a rape survivor and decides, after yet another failed attempt to date someone new and move on from her trauma, that she will create an alias - "Gretel" - whereby she will be every man's fantasy and therefore have all the power. Detached, cool, not needy, no baggage. She will act like a woman who has never experienced sexual violence. She will treat men like they have treated her - for her own needs, serving a purpose, nothing more. It doesn't quite go to plan.
Add to this April's job, which is working as a team leader for a sexual health and trauma helpline/charity. She loves the work but finds herself regularly triggered by it. Needless to say, April has a few more painful experiences - as herself and as Gretel - until she realises she can't keep pretending.
This book takes gender power imbalances and male privilege to task, and then some. It is a powerful, sad, angry and visceral portrayal of life after rape and sexual assault, exploring with sensitivity the pain of having to function after such a trauma in a society that by and large doesn't really understand, has a tendency to blame the victim and constantly questions whether you are entitled to your anger and pain.
Bourne explains: "The thing about being a victim of rape is that you are constantly a source of discomfort. To yourself, as well as others. So many men have sex with women who have been raped, and yet they do not know it. Because the women don't tell them, because, here's the thing: being raped is the least sexy thing ever. It has nothing to do with sex and yet everything to do with sex...You don't want to be the broken one. Especially as it wasn't your fault this happened to you, although, of course, something you worry it was your fault. So you pretend, a lot, that you're fine. That you're like the other girls. But...maybe you are pretending to be a woman everyone else is pretending to be too?"
You might be forgiven for thinking this is a heavy and hard read, and it is, in places. But why this book works so well is because the "pretending" in it is duplicitous, giving the story light as well as the necessary dark. There is the "pretending" that everyone does, especially with online dating apps (how many people pretend they want to travel to Africa and climb Mt Kilimanjaro, for example!) which makes for some rather hilarious moments; and then there is the pretending where you conceal deep, painful trauma, attempting to live as though it never happened.
No spoilers - but it ends on a resilient, realistic and hopeful note. If you have ever doubted yourself, your strength or your worth, you will feel quite differently by the end of Pretending.
By no means an easy book to read, but an important one. I hope a lot of men read it.
With thanks to the author, publisher and Netgalley for an ARC.
ali_w15's review
4.0
An important read. Felt like the ‘Gretel’s guide’ sections didn’t add anything to the story and were a distraction- ended up skipping these. Found the overall message powerful and necessary.
marrsia's review
emotional
funny
hopeful
sad
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
treepark's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.0
charleyeliza's review
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexism, Sexual assault, and Rape