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ebonyutley's review against another edition
1.0
Spurious. That’s the word I would use to describe The Normal Bar. First of all, bar is such a cold and unwelcoming metaphor. I hear it, and I don’t think love relationships. The “tools” at the end of each chapter are also utilitarian and kind of masculine to me. When they started discussing prongs, I was like, are we building a house or a love relationship? The metaphors were so technical. We’re talking about normality. Why not use a more accessible i.e. gender neutral i.e. normal metaphor? Perhaps because the book isn’t about normalcy. Despite it’s claims to diversity, it’s really exclusive. It’s American and European read white. The only time African Americans were addresses was to note they trust each other less and cheat more. Each chapter included at least one cartoon. Only three characters were colored in. What’s normal about a survey that focuses on pretty much everyone but people of color? Oh my bad, there was also a passing mention of Latinos and Asians. In addition to that a majority the tips in the tools required quite a bit of disposable income. I was like, I’d love to do that, oh wait, on my salary, I can’t afford to do that to make my relationship better. So much for normal.
Then the data was just suspect. 100,000 people is more than I’ve ever surveyed. Yes, I admit that, but a book full of claims about 30% of this population is not generalizable to the world’s population (since they claim to be so diverse). If we can’t talk about at least half, then why are we talking? I learned next to nothing reading this book. I would never recommend it as a relationship book because there are so many books written by real relationship researchers that could actually be helpful. And to add another pet peeve they ran fast and loose with the data. Why would you flip the stats for your pull quotes? It just shows how easily everything you conveyed could be manipulated. For example, they might write, 90% of people are happy then the pull quote would read 10% of people are unhappy. Just plain sloppy. I know what bugs me the most about this book. It’s an internet book. It’s a book filled with cartoons and pithy quotes and stats and data that make for a good blog and a terrible book.
Then the data was just suspect. 100,000 people is more than I’ve ever surveyed. Yes, I admit that, but a book full of claims about 30% of this population is not generalizable to the world’s population (since they claim to be so diverse). If we can’t talk about at least half, then why are we talking? I learned next to nothing reading this book. I would never recommend it as a relationship book because there are so many books written by real relationship researchers that could actually be helpful. And to add another pet peeve they ran fast and loose with the data. Why would you flip the stats for your pull quotes? It just shows how easily everything you conveyed could be manipulated. For example, they might write, 90% of people are happy then the pull quote would read 10% of people are unhappy. Just plain sloppy. I know what bugs me the most about this book. It’s an internet book. It’s a book filled with cartoons and pithy quotes and stats and data that make for a good blog and a terrible book.
eluse9's review against another edition
3.0
A little dry at time with all the statistics. No big surprises, but interesting and helpful
kw04readg's review against another edition
4.0
This book is a great read to give a barometer on what "normal" is based on surveys of 100k+ people.
When the responses were broken out by location, even though responses are from around the world, the text skewed to American responses and offering the European data as comparison and occasionally touching on Africa and Asia.
It did a good job of taking what we are assume are "normal" and showing whether that was true. They also do some split comparisons on some data, for example between happy and unhappy couples, gay v straight, new v seasoned. The authors also provided tools in each chapter based on what they actually learned from the responses.
When the responses were broken out by location, even though responses are from around the world, the text skewed to American responses and offering the European data as comparison and occasionally touching on Africa and Asia.
It did a good job of taking what we are assume are "normal" and showing whether that was true. They also do some split comparisons on some data, for example between happy and unhappy couples, gay v straight, new v seasoned. The authors also provided tools in each chapter based on what they actually learned from the responses.
pamietnikzczytelni's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
relaxing
fast-paced
3.5
crabbygirl's review against another edition
1.0
mostly a waste of time, this book is too vague to be of any use. i don't care how the stats compare internationally, and i don't believe anecdotal stuff has any real value. give me the straight dope - i'm capable of analyzing it myself.
the biggest strength of their study is also their weakest: is it so wide (international, as i've mentioned) but including results from china or india - where cultural norms and/or economics are so different from here - can easily skew results. plus the 'findings' are based on internet questionnaires - that's what people will admit to, not necessary actually BE.
lastly, for a book that purports to have data on so many relationship parameters, they still wrote this sentence: It is worth considering that a very large number of men who visit prostitutes are married... with no data to back-up this claim (besides, who really cares? the data you could - and should - report is the % of married men who have used a prostitute, not a breakdown of said prostitute's client breakdown)
the biggest strength of their study is also their weakest: is it so wide (international, as i've mentioned) but including results from china or india - where cultural norms and/or economics are so different from here - can easily skew results. plus the 'findings' are based on internet questionnaires - that's what people will admit to, not necessary actually BE.
lastly, for a book that purports to have data on so many relationship parameters, they still wrote this sentence: It is worth considering that a very large number of men who visit prostitutes are married... with no data to back-up this claim (besides, who really cares? the data you could - and should - report is the % of married men who have used a prostitute, not a breakdown of said prostitute's client breakdown)
jadenbru's review against another edition
3.0
I found this book fascinating. To see how your own relationship compares to others and what they consider "normal"- to see whether you struggle with the same types of relationship problems as others- piqued my interest. I also thought that some of the exercises in the book seem useful and could certainly help my relationship. While the numbers and data can be cumbersome at times it was overall an enjoyable read.
bjacobsen's review
3.0
Turns out, couples who still hold hands after 9 years are the most happy.
Quick read- single people can skim some chapters.
Quick read- single people can skim some chapters.
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