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3.52 AVERAGE
3.52 AVERAGE
I've (and probably will) never read a book that I found myself more than this!
It was hurtful because it reopened my old wounds. The wounds I thought completely healed. I thought I was fine before reading this. But I realized crystal clear that I'm not. And maybe I'll never be but I now know I'm not alone or I don't have to deal with it alone. I wish I read it when I was at the bottom of that pitch-black pit. Wish I know then that I'm not a broken toy, a manufacturing defect, a non-human, a creature that doesn't deserve anything good or even a smile. I cried a lot while reading this and I'm crying rn while writing this review. I cannot call it actually a review tbh. It's more like a confession to myself. And I cannot express how much grateful I am to Samantha Schutz for writing this.
Thank you for showing me your own scars and made me look at mine more tenderly.
It was hurtful because it reopened my old wounds. The wounds I thought completely healed. I thought I was fine before reading this. But I realized crystal clear that I'm not. And maybe I'll never be but I now know I'm not alone or I don't have to deal with it alone. I wish I read it when I was at the bottom of that pitch-black pit. Wish I know then that I'm not a broken toy, a manufacturing defect, a non-human, a creature that doesn't deserve anything good or even a smile. I cried a lot while reading this and I'm crying rn while writing this review. I cannot call it actually a review tbh. It's more like a confession to myself. And I cannot express how much grateful I am to Samantha Schutz for writing this.
Thank you for showing me your own scars and made me look at mine more tenderly.
emotional
reflective
sad
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
No
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
The ending left me wanting more, it just did not feel like an ending. And during certain parts of the story, I would start to make an attachment but then the topic would change, and I never got attached. I never cared.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness
Minor: Suicide
its a true story of growing up, breaking down, and coming to terms with a psychological disorder, written prose style but it reads more like a journal. i cried a couple times because everything she wrote was exactly what i felt, what i thought, what i feared. it hit so incredibly close to home. what she describes is the same.
"i hate that i dont know
if all these things are me
becoming me
or me because of the anxiety"
"i cant believe
no one else can hear
i am screaming
inside my head"
"i try to be optimistic
but i cant believe that i am back here
in this chair
telling all my stories, hoping
that this time
will be the last time
i have to do this"
"my mother is on the bed
the first thing she says is
'why did you do that to your hair?'
the gates break
and i am crying
why would she say that first?
how will saying that
do anything but hurt my feelings?"
"i cant sit still in class
i cant hear what the teacher is saying
all i can hear is my voice in my head
telling me that things are not right
that i am not right
i am trapped in this classroom
i have to get out of here
i fake a coughing fit and leave
but once i get in the hallway
i realize i'm still trapped
stuck inside of this shaking, sweating body
i'd rip my skin off if i could"
"i hate that i dont know
if all these things are me
becoming me
or me because of the anxiety"
"i cant believe
no one else can hear
i am screaming
inside my head"
"i try to be optimistic
but i cant believe that i am back here
in this chair
telling all my stories, hoping
that this time
will be the last time
i have to do this"
"my mother is on the bed
the first thing she says is
'why did you do that to your hair?'
the gates break
and i am crying
why would she say that first?
how will saying that
do anything but hurt my feelings?"
"i cant sit still in class
i cant hear what the teacher is saying
all i can hear is my voice in my head
telling me that things are not right
that i am not right
i am trapped in this classroom
i have to get out of here
i fake a coughing fit and leave
but once i get in the hallway
i realize i'm still trapped
stuck inside of this shaking, sweating body
i'd rip my skin off if i could"
This book had no plot. There was no crucial climax; the situations were poorly linked chronologically, the ending was abrupt and unfullfilling and the writing was repetitive as well as monotonous. The feelings of anxiety were poorly relayed. However, the humanization of the character was effective and emotive.
I picked this one up on a whim in the poetry section of my library.
(hörbuch) war sehr unangenehm gelesen, und die versform wurde nicht wirklich greifbar. hatte mir außerdem mehr für sie erwartet, aber alles hat sich nur immer wieder in kreisen gedreht und am ende waren wir wieder am anfang, mit einigen neuen erkenntnissen, aber auch irgendwie nicht den ganz großen, die es vielleicht gebraucht hätte.
I really enjoyed this book. everyone needs to know about anxiety disorders and how serious it is.
It takes a lot of courage to write about your own anxiety disorder and the choices you make because of it. This book packs a lot of punch, and really makes you think about seeing the people who tend to slip by us, barely holding on.