Scan barcode
jenpost78's review against another edition
2.0
This book was not really what I had in mind, but it wasn’t terrible. It did offer advice on how to communicate with respect if you are personally struggling with that. However, if someone you care about is not respectful in discourse, it’s pointless and won’t do you much good. Nothing actually specific about politics.
s_sheppard18's review against another edition
2.0
This book was a disappointment. I give it 2 stars instead of 1, because perhaps it will help some people, and because she claims in the beginning that you can't apply these tactics to racism and homophobia. I'm a left-leaning moderate married to a socially liberal Republican. I expected this book to have more content about learning to calmly discuss, understand, and respect opposing political views. Instead, I seem to have jumped into a Boomer-era handbook for bottling your emotions and sweeping your opinions under the rug, in the name of superficial peace.
I'm clearly not in the target demographic; that was made clear just a few chapters in. Much of the book seems to be targeted at people who have literal screaming fights that are potentially relationship-ending. But her advice can be boiled down to "okay, so why did you bring it up if you know it will cause a fight?" It felt as if the author's point was that if you know your loved one disagrees with you, then you shouldn't be bringing up those viewpoints with them.
On one hand, this is a fair idea in some contexts. If you and your loved one disagree on things that have little to no impact on your actual lives and relationship, sure, avoid those topics. Or maybe learn to be more tactful about explaining your alternate view.
On the other hand, it is a huge privilege to simply ignore your spouse's opinion on certain political topics. It's easy if you have little to no skin in the game; if you're white, well educated, financially secure, able bodied, etc, you can certainly go through life without acknowledging that your spouse may have views that actively cause harm to people with less privilege.
All of that is on top of the casual victim-blaming that is woven throughout the book. The author claims that you can only control your own beliefs, but then explains how important it is to manage other people's emotions as if they are your fault. I'm sorry, but if your spouse is so emotionally fragile that sending an email with a link to an article of an opposing view leads to a nuclear level, marriage damaging fight, it's not your fault for sending the email. There's more to that than an email. It's on them to work through the reasons a hyperlink sends them over the deep end. While there's something to be said for the tactic of "don't do things you know bother your spouse," we also need to remember that it's up to them to manage their emotions and reactions when presented with views that challenge their own. It's not okay to emotionally explode on your loved ones, and it's also not okay to say "to fix my out of control emotional response, you need to change your behavior." In a relationship, it's *we* that change *our* behaviors to keep the relationship healthy.
The book, overall, left me with very little hope of ever learning how to better understand my husband's views that are so different from my own. Rather than learning how to relate to him and respect him on a higher level, the book's message to me was that keeping the peace should be valued over deep understanding; people often never evolve their political views; the success of my marriage depends on my willingness and ability to keep my mouth shut and an unrequited dump truck of emotional labor. Yay.
I'm clearly not in the target demographic; that was made clear just a few chapters in. Much of the book seems to be targeted at people who have literal screaming fights that are potentially relationship-ending. But her advice can be boiled down to "okay, so why did you bring it up if you know it will cause a fight?" It felt as if the author's point was that if you know your loved one disagrees with you, then you shouldn't be bringing up those viewpoints with them.
On one hand, this is a fair idea in some contexts. If you and your loved one disagree on things that have little to no impact on your actual lives and relationship, sure, avoid those topics. Or maybe learn to be more tactful about explaining your alternate view.
On the other hand, it is a huge privilege to simply ignore your spouse's opinion on certain political topics. It's easy if you have little to no skin in the game; if you're white, well educated, financially secure, able bodied, etc, you can certainly go through life without acknowledging that your spouse may have views that actively cause harm to people with less privilege.
All of that is on top of the casual victim-blaming that is woven throughout the book. The author claims that you can only control your own beliefs, but then explains how important it is to manage other people's emotions as if they are your fault. I'm sorry, but if your spouse is so emotionally fragile that sending an email with a link to an article of an opposing view leads to a nuclear level, marriage damaging fight, it's not your fault for sending the email. There's more to that than an email. It's on them to work through the reasons a hyperlink sends them over the deep end. While there's something to be said for the tactic of "don't do things you know bother your spouse," we also need to remember that it's up to them to manage their emotions and reactions when presented with views that challenge their own. It's not okay to emotionally explode on your loved ones, and it's also not okay to say "to fix my out of control emotional response, you need to change your behavior." In a relationship, it's *we* that change *our* behaviors to keep the relationship healthy.
The book, overall, left me with very little hope of ever learning how to better understand my husband's views that are so different from my own. Rather than learning how to relate to him and respect him on a higher level, the book's message to me was that keeping the peace should be valued over deep understanding; people often never evolve their political views; the success of my marriage depends on my willingness and ability to keep my mouth shut and an unrequited dump truck of emotional labor. Yay.
justjessreading's review against another edition
1.0
Dnfed @ 3% when she said that unfriending people / leaving relationships/ cutting off family due to differences in political beliefs was "insane"
Human rights are not a difference in beliefs.
Human rights are not a difference in beliefs.
tofupup's review against another edition
3.0
This was an interesting and slightly different take on a topic I have read a lot about. Part of me still struggles with her thesis a little bit, because I think the kind of acceptance the author advocates for comes from a place of significant privilege.
kitten94509's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
I wish there were fewer stories about the people, and more depth in the tips.
winelovingbooknerd's review against another edition
I was originally attracted to this book because my husband and I have very different political views so I was curious about what the author would have to say about it. A few chapters in, I thought that it wasn't the book for me because it seemed to be about couples (or friends or family members) that fought about politics and it was threatening their relationship. My husband and I don't fight about our politics so I was having a hard time relating. I kept on reading, though and found it to be very affirming. All of the techniques and strategies that she suggests are sound and are the very ones that my husband and I have found to be successful. If you and your partner (or friend or family member) are having a hard time seeing eye to eye and it's threatening your relationship this is the book for you.
taymoen's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
4.0
l1brarygirl's review against another edition
4.0
Pop Sugar’s 2019 Reading Challenge - A book with LOVE in the title
ashugirl's review against another edition
4.0
In our increasingly polarized world, we probably all know someone who's political leanings cause tension in our relationship, be it partner, family member, or friend. This book teaches you how to look at what drives your political battles with loved ones and how to maintain your ideals while also maintaining your relationships. Definitely a book we need in this day and age of angry online debates and unfriending over memes.