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raven88's review
3.0
Being the natural cynic that I am, I approached these intensely personal essays very much with the feeling that this would be a run of the mill, ‘look how communing with nature has cured me of all the periods of hurt and darkness that life has thrown at me’. Refreshingly though, Anna Vaught states from the beginning,
“Nature has not been my cure. It has been my inspiration, teacher and companion. I am not better, but I have never been alone.”
and I am suitably chastened for my initial scepticism.
With these words, Vaught reinforces the real role of nature in our lives, not just as a salve and some magical fixative for our struggles, but of something bigger, something even more life enhancing. Being amongst, and fixing our gaze, on nature and the natural world is a wonderful aspect of our lives that we should embrace and celebrate every day, be it in times of joy, sombre reflection or just the inherent curiosity that those of us who love nature experience day to day. Vaught reflects on the fact that it doesn’t have to be momentous, huge, grandiose aspects of the natural world, but can be done in a small way, just by being observant of whichever environment you happen to be in, and I love that. She talks eloquently and knowledgeably about an array of nature within these essays encompassing flora, fauna, insects, weather, stars, the patterns and shapes of nature and more. As a very regular reader of the natural history genre, I was delighted by the love and respect with which she recounts her own personal interactions with the natural world, never losing sight of our very inconsequential place within it. Vaught is also a very accomplished implementer of the well-placed footnote, and throughout the essays these hold not only more little nuggets of knowledge and precise citations, but also some lovely sparks of humour.
Obviously, the greater story behind these essays is of Vaught’s troubled and distressing upbringing, trying to move on from an incredibly cruel and abusive childhood, which understandably has had a devastating impact throughout her life since then. The book does come with a list of potential triggers at its opening, and as much as we see Vaught’s incredible sadness and self questioning throughout, I was very markedly struck by her resilience and determination to forge onwards, building a life, albeit with its own particular challenges, and getting a sense of a woman who now possesses a real inner strength seeking to embrace life even in its darkest moments, and fighting the recurrence of this darkness day by day. At times I felt almost like a voyeur, as the author provides us with a no holds barred account of some of her deepest and most distressing experiences, but always with this glimpse of the emotional succour and hope that she gains from her interaction with nature. Perhaps mirroring the balance of brutality and beauty of the natural world, these essays encompass both with a stoicism punctuated by moments of raw emotion. I hesitate to use the word ‘enjoy’ here as this seems to belittle the bravery and honesty with which Vaught has shared her personal story with us, but I found this mix of memoir and nature writing extremely emotive, admirable and enlightening on many levels. I will be thinking about this collection for some time to come…
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