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rjproffer's review against another edition
5.0
In Debra Monroe's collection of essays, she explores choosing to be a single mother, terrible husbands, a distant mother and an alcoholic father with the grace of looking back and finding meaning and symbolism. This memoir is well written, poignant, and explores family ties, dating, and adoption with an acute self-awareness. Monroe has a way with her to draw you in as if in conversation with a confidant, with the skill of a rare writer, resulting in an interesting and quick read. She is an amazing teacher and also an incredibly talented writer.
randybo5's review against another edition
3.0
A well written memoir...the parts with the daughter were the best part. The dwelling on the dysfunctional family got old quickly.
gr8reader's review against another edition
2.0
This book is 12 years old and who knows how long it has been on my bookshelf. So in fact, not sure why I purchased it/wanted to read it. I decided to give it a go today. Still don't know why I purchased it/wanted to read it.
jlmb's review
3.0
Ordered this from the library after reading a few of her short pieces online at various sites. I like Monroe's writing style and her short essays about raising her daughter were interesting enough to seek out the memoir. She did a great job detailing her struggles, maybe too much so. At points I would get so tense & anxious for her but then would step back a bit and realize that, for the most part, she really has it together. Monroe seemed almost dismissive at times of her successes and talents. I have friends in academia - I understand how hard it is to get tenure and book deals. And on the home front her house & garden sounded amazing - a beautiful place to live. Not to mention she is a great cook and sews. I wish she had balanced her story more with the positives in her life.
Granted, she had a lot of negatives on the home front. Her parents were horrible. Her relationships with her siblings seemed non-existent, which I found odd. She never wrote about any major issues she had with them, like she did with her parents. It was more like her siblings didn't even exist. Why the estrangement? The reader never knows. Her terrible relationships with her parents made me so thankful for the great relationship I had/have with my parents. I felt sorry for her abandonment by her parents.
Her relationships with men were horrible too - I really do think that if a person has a bad relationship with their parents it is going to negatively affect their chances of being in a positive romantic relationship as an adult. It's certainly true in her case. Monroe gave me a better explanation than any I had ever read before about why a woman stays with a man who beats her. I still find it hard to understand but the way she writes about her emotions and thoughts surrounding those toxic relationships at least lets me kind of get why someone would put themselves in such a shitty position.
The memoir is mainly about her adopting her daughter as a single parent. Monroe was SO cavalier about the potential problems that she would face. It is only towards the end of the book that she admits that yeah, maybe people are onto something, raising children in a two parent house instead of all alone. And I mean all alone. Not divorced and sharing custody, not single but with relatives nearby to help out. Not single but with close friends nearby. Monroe was ALONE. No one had her back. Again, like with the angry physically abusing husband, I kept shaking my head, thinking "What on earth are you thinking?" Monroe gets all pissy retelling an incident at her college when an older married couple who are big donors to the school point out that what she has taken on is really, really difficult. OK, they don't know you so it is weird to give unsolicited advice like that, but what they say is TRUTH. It's pretty crazy to adopt a baby when you have no one in your life. In fact, it's incredibly selfish. SHE wanted a baby so she wouldn't feel so lonely. However, when she gets all her serious health problems her poor daughter has to deal with the stress and insecurity of not knowing what will happen to her if her mom dies. Yeah. What WILL happen? Not a great thing to put a 6 yr old through.
The health scare part of the book was odd. I still don't understand what was wrong with her. She has to eat every 3 hours or she faints/loses her mind. Uh....that is weird. It is never diagnosed???? She has an operation for endometriosis and it's extra crazy or something. She doesn't really say. The health problems continue but she just sort of floats through life in pain and confused. Or something. I was confused too.
It ends on an up note, her getting engaged to a cool guy and selling her cute house so she can move to Austin, where she should have been living the entire time. Again, her choice to live in a very rural environment surrounding by very conservative people was strange. It was like she was making sure she would never find anyone to get close to. Which became a big problem when she got sick and there was no one to help. While she does a great job describing her emotions she does not do such a great job explaining her rationale behind her behaviors. Maybe she doesn't know herself?
Granted, she had a lot of negatives on the home front. Her parents were horrible. Her relationships with her siblings seemed non-existent, which I found odd. She never wrote about any major issues she had with them, like she did with her parents. It was more like her siblings didn't even exist. Why the estrangement? The reader never knows. Her terrible relationships with her parents made me so thankful for the great relationship I had/have with my parents. I felt sorry for her abandonment by her parents.
Her relationships with men were horrible too - I really do think that if a person has a bad relationship with their parents it is going to negatively affect their chances of being in a positive romantic relationship as an adult. It's certainly true in her case. Monroe gave me a better explanation than any I had ever read before about why a woman stays with a man who beats her. I still find it hard to understand but the way she writes about her emotions and thoughts surrounding those toxic relationships at least lets me kind of get why someone would put themselves in such a shitty position.
The memoir is mainly about her adopting her daughter as a single parent. Monroe was SO cavalier about the potential problems that she would face. It is only towards the end of the book that she admits that yeah, maybe people are onto something, raising children in a two parent house instead of all alone. And I mean all alone. Not divorced and sharing custody, not single but with relatives nearby to help out. Not single but with close friends nearby. Monroe was ALONE. No one had her back. Again, like with the angry physically abusing husband, I kept shaking my head, thinking "What on earth are you thinking?" Monroe gets all pissy retelling an incident at her college when an older married couple who are big donors to the school point out that what she has taken on is really, really difficult. OK, they don't know you so it is weird to give unsolicited advice like that, but what they say is TRUTH. It's pretty crazy to adopt a baby when you have no one in your life. In fact, it's incredibly selfish. SHE wanted a baby so she wouldn't feel so lonely. However, when she gets all her serious health problems her poor daughter has to deal with the stress and insecurity of not knowing what will happen to her if her mom dies. Yeah. What WILL happen? Not a great thing to put a 6 yr old through.
The health scare part of the book was odd. I still don't understand what was wrong with her. She has to eat every 3 hours or she faints/loses her mind. Uh....that is weird. It is never diagnosed???? She has an operation for endometriosis and it's extra crazy or something. She doesn't really say. The health problems continue but she just sort of floats through life in pain and confused. Or something. I was confused too.
It ends on an up note, her getting engaged to a cool guy and selling her cute house so she can move to Austin, where she should have been living the entire time. Again, her choice to live in a very rural environment surrounding by very conservative people was strange. It was like she was making sure she would never find anyone to get close to. Which became a big problem when she got sick and there was no one to help. While she does a great job describing her emotions she does not do such a great job explaining her rationale behind her behaviors. Maybe she doesn't know herself?
grahamiam's review
5.0
Wonderful book. Some of the time transitions are a bit rough, as noted in other reviews, but a touching story with a happy ending - a rarity lately.
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