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3.9 AVERAGE
3.9 AVERAGE
Goodness. I read a few reviews but my mind went in a different way while reading this book.
This story is an autobiography written by a young boy growing up in Manhasset, Long Island. He is raised by his mom and only knew his dad as “the Voice” from the radio station. His mom had run out on the dad after he was abusive. Their lives were full of poverty and struggles as they bounced from their attempts to gain independence back to the mother’s core home. With a grandfather that was emotionally abusive to his wife and the family totally dysfunctional. But it was a place for JR.
His uncle Charlie was the bartender at the local pub and JR was only 11 when he started getting immersed in the pub life, hanging with Charlie and his friends and becoming a fixture at Publicans (the pub).
Now here’s where I started tracking a pretty strong structuring that the pub was JR’s development playground, where he learned character and wisdom.
“It takes just as many men to build a sturdy man, son, as it does to build a tower. You will look back on this time and remember remarkably little of it, except the extent to which I tried or did not try."
It wasn’t the alcohol that was the baseline of the story , it was this Cheers-like culture where everybody knows your name and you tell them your fears and dreams and they support you.
The advice given by JR’s pub family was poignant and carried a lot of meat through the story.
“You must do everything that frightens you…Everything. I’m not talking about risking your life, but everything else. Think about fear, decide right now how you’re doing to deal with fear, because fear is going to be the great issue of your life, I promise you. Fear will be the fuel for all your success, and the root cause of all your failures, and the underlying dilemma in every story you tell yourself about yourself. And the only chance you’ll have against fear? Follow it. Steer by it. Don’t think of fear as the villain. Think of fear as your guide, your pathfinder…”
Their words were the fuel that helped JR get to Yale, through several failed romantic relationships.
I laughed out loud at his first sexual experience. So many poignant moments throughout his development.
And then somewhere around chapter 45 he does an about-face and attributes all his strength to his fierce mother. Which confused me.
After Yale there was some revisionist storytelling and then he joined in on the damage of the alcohol effects of Publican and 9/11. So I felt like he jumped the broader messaging course at that point. I feel he should have stuck to the cultural components of how men in our society need good, healthy male role models to achieve their goals. But he didn’t and I’m not the writer. But it certainly had gritty potential as a sociological, anthropological foundation.
“Do you know why God invented writers? Because he loves a good story. And he doesn't give a damn about the words. Words are the curtain we've hung between him and our true selves. Try not to think about the words. Don't strin for the perfect sentence. There's no such thing. Writing is guesswork. Every sentence is an educated guess, the readers as much as yours."
George Clooney is making a movie out of this book, starring Ben Affleck as Charlie. It comes out this year. I wonder how it will hold up to the book.
This story is an autobiography written by a young boy growing up in Manhasset, Long Island. He is raised by his mom and only knew his dad as “the Voice” from the radio station. His mom had run out on the dad after he was abusive. Their lives were full of poverty and struggles as they bounced from their attempts to gain independence back to the mother’s core home. With a grandfather that was emotionally abusive to his wife and the family totally dysfunctional. But it was a place for JR.
His uncle Charlie was the bartender at the local pub and JR was only 11 when he started getting immersed in the pub life, hanging with Charlie and his friends and becoming a fixture at Publicans (the pub).
Now here’s where I started tracking a pretty strong structuring that the pub was JR’s development playground, where he learned character and wisdom.
“It takes just as many men to build a sturdy man, son, as it does to build a tower. You will look back on this time and remember remarkably little of it, except the extent to which I tried or did not try."
It wasn’t the alcohol that was the baseline of the story , it was this Cheers-like culture where everybody knows your name and you tell them your fears and dreams and they support you.
The advice given by JR’s pub family was poignant and carried a lot of meat through the story.
“You must do everything that frightens you…Everything. I’m not talking about risking your life, but everything else. Think about fear, decide right now how you’re doing to deal with fear, because fear is going to be the great issue of your life, I promise you. Fear will be the fuel for all your success, and the root cause of all your failures, and the underlying dilemma in every story you tell yourself about yourself. And the only chance you’ll have against fear? Follow it. Steer by it. Don’t think of fear as the villain. Think of fear as your guide, your pathfinder…”
Their words were the fuel that helped JR get to Yale, through several failed romantic relationships.
I laughed out loud at his first sexual experience. So many poignant moments throughout his development.
And then somewhere around chapter 45 he does an about-face and attributes all his strength to his fierce mother. Which confused me.
After Yale there was some revisionist storytelling and then he joined in on the damage of the alcohol effects of Publican and 9/11. So I felt like he jumped the broader messaging course at that point. I feel he should have stuck to the cultural components of how men in our society need good, healthy male role models to achieve their goals. But he didn’t and I’m not the writer. But it certainly had gritty potential as a sociological, anthropological foundation.
“Do you know why God invented writers? Because he loves a good story. And he doesn't give a damn about the words. Words are the curtain we've hung between him and our true selves. Try not to think about the words. Don't strin for the perfect sentence. There's no such thing. Writing is guesswork. Every sentence is an educated guess, the readers as much as yours."
George Clooney is making a movie out of this book, starring Ben Affleck as Charlie. It comes out this year. I wonder how it will hold up to the book.
I'm trying to pinpoint what it is I love about Moeheinger's writing. It's not that the plot is necessarily new or revelatory. I think what Moehringer does so well is make the ordinary seem extraordinary. From Jedd, his cousin's boyfriend who took him camping, to Lana, his first hook-up, to Bayard, the kid he washes shirts for in college, to the priest he meets on the Amtrak- Moehringer makes all of these generally ordinary people and encounters seem so vivid and interesting. He does this through the way he describes each character (Bayard owned two of every shirt, like "preparing to ship off on some Noah's Ark of Garments"). He also makes the characters come alive in the way he describes himself in his encounters with them. To Sidney, his first love, he jokes that his sock is Sockrates after using his sock to dim the lights and nearly starting a fire during their rendevous. To the priest he responds, "you talk a lot of sense for a priest." Moehringer is uninhibited in the way he describes himself. He isn't trying to impress anyone; he's trying to include as many corky details as possible to make these situations seem palpable to his readers.
And because Moehringer is so honest and palpable, I relate to him. We both grew up in impoverished environments, believing a college education was our only escape. We both struggled in college (his struggle was more apparent than mine being he attended Yale), and worked 5 times as hard to succeed. In doing so, we both graduated from college wishing we could relax. Slow down. Do the artist thing and just read and observe. This did not happen for me until after grad school, when I vowed to read the classics and best sellers I never had time to read. In fact, I could have written Moehringer's sentiments in a bit different way: "How to tell [the world] that what I wanted to do next was pick out a [bench at the park] and get comfortable? I wanted to play [volleyball, watch artsy movies, write, draw]- read. I wanted to settle in at the [park] and enjoy the books I'd felt too intimidated and rushed to enjoy [in college]. At long last I wanted to sit on a chair and look up at the sky...." Yes. I felt this way exactly.
The rest of Moeheinger's story deals with him finding his way in life after Yale- trying to land a job as a writer for the New York Times and trying to reunite with his first love, failing at both, and instead getting lost in Publicans, the bar that is the epicenter of his story.
It isn't until the epilogue that we learn how things pan out for Moehringer, and that he finally became a writer. For all of the struggles he describes throughout the book in becoming a writer, I am excited for him to say this is easily one of the best memoirs I have ever read. Every scene and character was not captivating, but his story was real and I couldn't wait to find out what the next page revealed.
And because Moehringer is so honest and palpable, I relate to him. We both grew up in impoverished environments, believing a college education was our only escape. We both struggled in college (his struggle was more apparent than mine being he attended Yale), and worked 5 times as hard to succeed. In doing so, we both graduated from college wishing we could relax. Slow down. Do the artist thing and just read and observe. This did not happen for me until after grad school, when I vowed to read the classics and best sellers I never had time to read. In fact, I could have written Moehringer's sentiments in a bit different way: "How to tell [the world] that what I wanted to do next was pick out a [bench at the park] and get comfortable? I wanted to play [volleyball, watch artsy movies, write, draw]- read. I wanted to settle in at the [park] and enjoy the books I'd felt too intimidated and rushed to enjoy [in college]. At long last I wanted to sit on a chair and look up at the sky...." Yes. I felt this way exactly.
The rest of Moeheinger's story deals with him finding his way in life after Yale- trying to land a job as a writer for the New York Times and trying to reunite with his first love, failing at both, and instead getting lost in Publicans, the bar that is the epicenter of his story.
It isn't until the epilogue that we learn how things pan out for Moehringer, and that he finally became a writer. For all of the struggles he describes throughout the book in becoming a writer, I am excited for him to say this is easily one of the best memoirs I have ever read. Every scene and character was not captivating, but his story was real and I couldn't wait to find out what the next page revealed.
Amazing how one place can define a man. Could hardly put it down.
Lovely book/memoir. Well written -- each new chapter introduces a new person/character and continues the story in such a seamless way. Interesting to learn how a boy growing into a man without a father feels and what his needs are. Also, interesting to learn how a boy/man thinks about his mother.
Beautifully written memoir about a time just as much as it's about a place.
I love memoirs, so I was bound to like this book. It turned out not to be what I expected, though. I was thinking it'd be a book about a boy who was brought up in a bar. That's not exactly the case. The bar was certainly an important symbol for JR, a focal point, but certainly not a home. I think he only entered it once before he was 18. But anyway, the book is about the author's fatherless childhood and his search for identity and meaning in his life. I read this book as part of a book club and the consensus we came to was that we don't really know why the book was written. We weren't sure if we really cared about his story. But it had its moments.
medium-paced
funny
lighthearted
reflective
sad
medium-paced
An affecting memoir about a boy who is essentially raised by patrons in a neighborhood bar where his uncle works. I still get a pit in my stomach when I recall the scene in which the young boy sits on the stoop with his baseball mitt, waiting for his dad to pick him up and take him to a Mets game as he promised. Of course, the dad never shows. Reminded me of This Boy's Life in its depiction of a resourceful and resilient fatherless boy trying to find his way.
"In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone, he told me, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had." F. Scott Fitzgerald, 'The Great Gatsby'
'The Great Gatsby' is a haunting backdrop to 'The Tender Bar', a memoir written by a young man who grew up in the shadow of the mansions of Long Island where Fitzgerald's novel is set. J.R. Moehringer (and whether it is J.R. or JR or Jr. is an underlying theme) grows up in Manhasset, Long Island, but far from the wealthy side. His divorced mother was forced to move in with her parents in a rundown old house shared with several family members. J.R.'s father is a voice on the radio who occasionally drops into his life to wreak a bit of havoc. As a young man without a present father, he seeks male role models in other places, principally the local neighborhood bar, Publicans, where his Uncle Charlie is a bartender. The barflies who inhabit Publicans give an example of how a certain kind of man copes with life.
J.R. is beset by anxiety about life, money, family, and school. He goes to live in Arizona with his mother, but he never feels that he belongs there until he meets some booksellers who give him a job and a literary education. With their advice, he applies and is accepted to Yale.But being accepted into an Ivy League school is not enough to help J.R. thrive there. He flounders through four years, barely passing. His next step is an internship at the New York Times, which he does not handle well. All through these years, he turns to the men at Publicans for emotional support.
I found parts of this memoir tedious, and I wanted to take hold of J.R. and shake him awake. He wins the reader over with his honesty in examining his winding road to maturity. He looks on his youth and the bar with a deep sense of misty romance where someone else might have seen grime and despair. J.R. rises above his anxiety and finally is able to set a steady course.
I read this for my book group. As almost always, it was a book I might not have chosen for myself but I ended up appreciating. If you enjoy memoirs, 'The Tender Bar' is certainly worth your time.0
'The Great Gatsby' is a haunting backdrop to 'The Tender Bar', a memoir written by a young man who grew up in the shadow of the mansions of Long Island where Fitzgerald's novel is set. J.R. Moehringer (and whether it is J.R. or JR or Jr. is an underlying theme) grows up in Manhasset, Long Island, but far from the wealthy side. His divorced mother was forced to move in with her parents in a rundown old house shared with several family members. J.R.'s father is a voice on the radio who occasionally drops into his life to wreak a bit of havoc. As a young man without a present father, he seeks male role models in other places, principally the local neighborhood bar, Publicans, where his Uncle Charlie is a bartender. The barflies who inhabit Publicans give an example of how a certain kind of man copes with life.
J.R. is beset by anxiety about life, money, family, and school. He goes to live in Arizona with his mother, but he never feels that he belongs there until he meets some booksellers who give him a job and a literary education. With their advice, he applies and is accepted to Yale.But being accepted into an Ivy League school is not enough to help J.R. thrive there. He flounders through four years, barely passing. His next step is an internship at the New York Times, which he does not handle well. All through these years, he turns to the men at Publicans for emotional support.
I found parts of this memoir tedious, and I wanted to take hold of J.R. and shake him awake. He wins the reader over with his honesty in examining his winding road to maturity. He looks on his youth and the bar with a deep sense of misty romance where someone else might have seen grime and despair. J.R. rises above his anxiety and finally is able to set a steady course.
I read this for my book group. As almost always, it was a book I might not have chosen for myself but I ended up appreciating. If you enjoy memoirs, 'The Tender Bar' is certainly worth your time.0