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bhnmt61's review
3.0
*minor spoilers ahead, no major plot points*
My feeling about this memoir is that Moehringer was trying to explore what it means to be a man, and how one becomes a man, and who to look to when figuring out manhood. At one point he says, "Manhood is mimesis [imitation]. To be a man, a boy must see a man." And since his father left when he was quite small, he's been without that all-important male role model ever since.
Since I am female, and it is 2022 and not 1975, there are so many loaded issues in those ideas that it was a difficult read for me. While I can appreciate that he is a hetero male trying to understand "masculinity," the way he tells the story feels like he's saying, well, there's the man club that only men can join, and only another man can initiate you into what it means to be a man, and it's really super important that men understand what happens in the man club. And also, the club (he never calls it that, it's just how it felt to me reading it) in this particular memoir happens to be a bar, where men regularly get comprehensively, falling-down drunk, and the ability to hang out at this bar is one of the main qualities Moehringer admires. Honestly, this just seemed like a story about a bunch of drunks, and a young boy/man who idolized them and then becomes one of them. (You find out in the epilogue that he eventually sobered up, but it's not part of the story.)
He does widen this discussion out at the end, the very end, to understand that many of the qualities that he is seeking in "Becoming a Man" were actually modeled for him by his mother, but he never really explores that either, and what that means for masculinity and manhood and all the other stuff he's been feeding us for this entire wordy, convoluted memoir.
So, there were parts of it that were absorbing and beautiful, but mostly it just left me irritated and confused-- did he really understand what he was doing in writing this thing? (to which he could certainly reply, do writers ever really understand what they're doing?) It seems to me that if you're going to write a memoir that explicitly addresses what it means to be a man, you should maybe have some idea about what you're going to say or conclude or at least imply. If I wanted to be really grumpy about this-- and apparently at the moment, I do -- I would point out that most of what he's shown us about masculinity verges on toxic masculinity.
I definitely would not have finished it if it hadn't been our book club book for this month.
My feeling about this memoir is that Moehringer was trying to explore what it means to be a man, and how one becomes a man, and who to look to when figuring out manhood. At one point he says, "Manhood is mimesis [imitation]. To be a man, a boy must see a man." And since his father left when he was quite small, he's been without that all-important male role model ever since.
Since I am female, and it is 2022 and not 1975, there are so many loaded issues in those ideas that it was a difficult read for me. While I can appreciate that he is a hetero male trying to understand "masculinity," the way he tells the story feels like he's saying, well, there's the man club that only men can join, and only another man can initiate you into what it means to be a man, and it's really super important that men understand what happens in the man club. And also, the club (he never calls it that, it's just how it felt to me reading it) in this particular memoir happens to be a bar, where men regularly get comprehensively, falling-down drunk, and the ability to hang out at this bar is one of the main qualities Moehringer admires. Honestly, this just seemed like a story about a bunch of drunks, and a young boy/man who idolized them and then becomes one of them. (You find out in the epilogue that he eventually sobered up, but it's not part of the story.)
He does widen this discussion out at the end, the very end, to understand that many of the qualities that he is seeking in "Becoming a Man" were actually modeled for him by his mother, but he never really explores that either, and what that means for masculinity and manhood and all the other stuff he's been feeding us for this entire wordy, convoluted memoir.
So, there were parts of it that were absorbing and beautiful, but mostly it just left me irritated and confused-- did he really understand what he was doing in writing this thing? (to which he could certainly reply, do writers ever really understand what they're doing?) It seems to me that if you're going to write a memoir that explicitly addresses what it means to be a man, you should maybe have some idea about what you're going to say or conclude or at least imply. If I wanted to be really grumpy about this-- and apparently at the moment, I do -- I would point out that most of what he's shown us about masculinity verges on toxic masculinity.
I definitely would not have finished it if it hadn't been our book club book for this month.
mollyss's review
3.0
I often find with memoirs that there is too much discussion of childhood and past and not enough of current what they are actually doing and found this with this book. Would have loved to know more about his later journalism career rather than just pub vibes lol
emilypgilmore's review
4.0
I read this on audio for my book club. I liked it, but it’s LONG. But, JR is a really good writer so overall it was an enjoyable experience. Did you know he was the Ghost Writer for Prince Harry’s Spare?? I think he has an interesting story, and I liked learning about his upbringing.
Bonus points - the narrator was great!
Bonus points - the narrator was great!
oceanday8's review
4.0
Even when it's far from perfect, this author always seems to craft an engrossing reading experience. It's a memoir full of tales and wonderful real life characters. It'll make you long for days at a bar that you've never visited and time with friends you've never met .
rl_reads's review
adventurous
emotional
funny
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
Beautifully written imo but it’s a tome of a book— definitely recommend the audiobook to get through it faster
nderiley's review
3.0
In the sea of memoirs I have read, The Tender Bar doesn't do much to separate itself from the pack but still finds itself in the category of a worthwhile and pleasant read. Reading about the authors many father figures, whom he happens to find a bar, leaves me reflecting about my own adopted parental figures and how they have touched my life over the years.
melissa_who_reads's review
5.0
Beautifully written: about growing up without a father, and the bar that takes him in as a kid. Its about family, community, and the love of a mother -- and the struggle to grow up into a good man. About being a work-in-progress. Life, and its ups and downs. Engrossing and emotional, engaging and difficult -- complex and clear-eyed. A warts and all memoir, without the pathos that makes for sap.