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I bought this book browsing new books at a remarkable little book store in Watchung, New Jersey in the winter of 2017. There was just something about the binding and artwork that really grabbed me and for what reason, at the time, I did not know other than a wolf dressed up as the fourth member of Run DMC seemed tongue in cheek enough to warrant my coin.

All these years later I was reminded of this title by a few people I appreciate on BookTok and man am I glad this happened. What a joy this book was to read and even more so to listen. Narrarated by the author himself, his poetic flow was gentle, endearing, and powerful when necessary. This book of collected writings showcase a man retrospective of an era so special to early millenials, the start of the 21st century through the lens of media namely music and most specifically in large part emo which is near and dear to me. But to say that this book is only about music or comeupance in the internet age would be a disservice to the greatness this work delivers.

This work serves as a humble yet powerful journey through the medians of life as witnessed through the eyes of a black muslim man in an era where being both of these has been unfathomable for people that look like me. In some essays he eloquently dissects how easy it can be for racism to exist amongst those who boast their anti-racist values contributing this to proximity and like many of his pieces included this view gave me great pause. Hanif is proud, he is sure of himself, and like myself has deep pride in where he grew up. The beauty of this work is that he navigates the theme of racism in such a poignant eloquence that anyone with a speck of empathy could digest. I realize I used the word eloquent twice and trust me after reading this I believe you would describe it in this very way.

I felt so seen in this collection which focused in large part on the emo scene of the early 2000's. I found myself saying, "hell yeah", when he talked about bands like My Chemical Romance and Title Fight. But this was really the surface layer of this novel. The invitation for scene kids like myself to sit down and understand what it meant to be the minority in this equation. This was the invitation to set us on level ground so that we may begin the conversation that needs to be had. And this is the beauty of this collection for white kids like myself that grew up ignorant to the world beyond our bandanas and skinny jeans. The kids who purport to be punk rock and inclusive but were fostered by parents who ran to the polls for Trump. What I loved about this series of works was that he skirted politics but did not make it his total focus.

If I could surmise his number one motive in the overall collection it is simply to provide you a view through the eyes of a friend. A friend you had that moshed with you at shows. A friend that you had that stayed up late playing records knowing they had to get up early for work the next day. A friend you inevitably argued with at one point over a girl. A friend that you had because of a shared joy in the arts. But a friend that looked different than the majority of the others you surrounded yourself with. And that friend gives you a glimpse of what it was like in his shoes during that time. And, well, you should emphatically listen to that friend.

This collection of pertinent heart-felt stories will stick with me forever and for that I am truly thankful to have finally read They Can't Kill Us Until They Kill Us.
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You don’t need to know anything about or understand the subject of any of the essays. You FEEL every single word. I know fuck all about basketball but that Allen Iverson essay had me an emotional wreck. 

Auto-buy auto-read auto-cry author.
The audiobook is narrated by Abdurraqib and is phenomenal. Words cannot describe how emotional and beautiful his writing is. His thoughts on grief have done more for me than years of therapy ever could.

 Being introduced to Hanif in my creative writing class woke me up. Hearing that he had written about ATCQ woke me up further, and learning that he had an entire essay collection which mostly centered around music got me all the way to my bookstore.

This is probably my favorite thing I’ve ever read. From the jump, after trying my hand at my university’s newspaper and leaving due to my dislike of the restraints of journalistic formatting and other restrictions, reading Hanif’s essays felt like watching someone do something you’ve been trying to do your whole life - just without knowing its what you’ve been trying to do. I didn’t know you could write about music this way, but once I read him it felt so obvious.

On my final portfolio for that creative writing class, my professor told me that he felt a lot of Hanif influence in my essay about a band I like, which is funny because up until then I had only ever read his poetry. As an author, he has completely awakened my creative drive in a way that I don’t think it has ever been before, and for that I cannot give this book enough praise.

This isn’t even to mention how well he writes, how he can tackle immense topics with personal ease, how he can make you feel for something you’ve never felt for, how he can amplify feelings you haven’t felt in years. This work is beyond stellar, but I’m betting you already knew that. 
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