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elephant's review
5.0
I think this sad, lovely little book is the best picture book that I have seen that explains death to a young child. It is based on a true story and Alex, who was 3 years old when his father passed away, contributed to the story. His mother explains that his father can't come back because his body has stopped working and that it is ok to be sad. The book continues and shows that a year later, Alex is mostly happy, but it is still ok when he is sad sometimes. I received this book free to review from Netgalley and I highly recommend it.
ellielabbett's review
5.0
Beautifully honest and real, this is a story that everyone should read- not just children who have lost parents, or even just children at all.
mat_tobin's review
5.0
Although the subheading on the cover of 'Is Daddy Coming Back...' defines it as a book that explains sudden death to pre-school children 'in words they can understand', I think the book is selling itself short. It is a story, in fact, for almost any child who has lost a parent/member of the family and it is a wholly remarkable because rather than being a fictional story it is, in fact a recount of the events written and told by both Alex, who is three, and his mother.
We find that Alex's father suffered from a massive heart attack when he and his son were out on a boy's weekend together. Here, Anna's watercolour images show the close bond that Alex has with his father and together, at the start, they share the page and frame as Alex recalls the fond memories at the start of the holiday with his dad.
I found the page when Alex goes in search of help for his father deeply upsetting, not only because of the responsibility put upon someone so young but Anna's thick, hard little arrows showing the mixed route that Alex takes around the site showed the innocence with which he understood the burden and sense of urgency he had been placed upon him. This occurs again when his father is taken into the ambulance and Alex finds his mother at the site. Alex shouts: 'Oi! No girls allowed.' which continues to show how little really understands what has happened. For me, this was incredibly powerful and helpful to other readers. It is completely understandable that a very young child will have little grasp of what is happening around them so to see this mirrored in Alex's own story could offer a great sense of relief for the reader.
When mummy arrives she brings with her a sense of calm and order in both image and text. Her explanation to Alex of what has happened to her husband is deeply welcoming to me and an approach that I would share with my own boys when they enquire about death: 'Daddy's heart has stopped beating and he is never coming back.'
The finality in this statement and, for me, it highlights how much Elke cares for, respects and loves her son. She is brave in sharing the truth with him and even though it clearly upsets her deeply, she sticks to this statement and keeps to the facts as honestly as she can. There is no 'he's gone away' or 'he's gone to heaven' - terms that would be incredibly confusing to any young child. Instead she states: 'Daddy can't use his body any more, and he is never coming back.' The repetition of 'never' makes it clear that this is a statement that she deeply wants her son to understand and, although some adult readers might find this uncomfortable, it is, importantly, open and honest.
To support the understanding of the loss of the father, the narrative device of making key words and phrases larger and bolder is used: 'It is NOT YOUR FAULT' and ' I am VERY proud of you' offer readers the chance to believe that they are guiltless of blame. I imagine that these scenes would offer a powerful outlet for both parent and child reader as they tackle the deep confusion and sense of blame that we can put upon ourselves when facing the loss of someone that we love very deeply.
But this is not a book that ends on a sad note, instead for the latter half of the story, it explores Alex's family's life after the death. Here we get to see Alex's family start a new chapter in their life, where Alex is allowed to ask questions about death with ease wherever he is - whether on the beach or at home. The final page may show Alex alone on the verso whilst his mother and sister sit together reading, but he is happy and comfortable in his surroundings.
He tells the reader that his mother says that it is okay to be sad and that, equally, it is okay to be happy too. What is important is that he should always feel that he can talk about his father whenever he wants to those who know him so that he can continue to understand what is, a profoundly emotional chapter in his own story.
I have read a lot of books recently that deal with the loss of a parent [b:Missing Mommy: A Book About Bereavement|14937350|Missing Mommy A Book About Bereavement|Rebecca Cobb|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1344319235s/14937350.jpg|20591684] and [b:My Father's Arms Are a Boat|13592096|My Father's Arms Are a Boat|Stein Erik Lunde|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1344718083s/13592096.jpg|19180179] but there is something real and deeply visceral about Alex's story. Knowing that the book is a retelling from Alex's point of view, as a parent, makes it a emotionally upsetting read, but I imagine it would give a great comfort to the child reader (and anyone who is supporting that child).
We find that Alex's father suffered from a massive heart attack when he and his son were out on a boy's weekend together. Here, Anna's watercolour images show the close bond that Alex has with his father and together, at the start, they share the page and frame as Alex recalls the fond memories at the start of the holiday with his dad.
I found the page when Alex goes in search of help for his father deeply upsetting, not only because of the responsibility put upon someone so young but Anna's thick, hard little arrows showing the mixed route that Alex takes around the site showed the innocence with which he understood the burden and sense of urgency he had been placed upon him. This occurs again when his father is taken into the ambulance and Alex finds his mother at the site. Alex shouts: 'Oi! No girls allowed.' which continues to show how little really understands what has happened. For me, this was incredibly powerful and helpful to other readers. It is completely understandable that a very young child will have little grasp of what is happening around them so to see this mirrored in Alex's own story could offer a great sense of relief for the reader.
When mummy arrives she brings with her a sense of calm and order in both image and text. Her explanation to Alex of what has happened to her husband is deeply welcoming to me and an approach that I would share with my own boys when they enquire about death: 'Daddy's heart has stopped beating and he is never coming back.'
The finality in this statement and, for me, it highlights how much Elke cares for, respects and loves her son. She is brave in sharing the truth with him and even though it clearly upsets her deeply, she sticks to this statement and keeps to the facts as honestly as she can. There is no 'he's gone away' or 'he's gone to heaven' - terms that would be incredibly confusing to any young child. Instead she states: 'Daddy can't use his body any more, and he is never coming back.' The repetition of 'never' makes it clear that this is a statement that she deeply wants her son to understand and, although some adult readers might find this uncomfortable, it is, importantly, open and honest.
To support the understanding of the loss of the father, the narrative device of making key words and phrases larger and bolder is used: 'It is NOT YOUR FAULT' and ' I am VERY proud of you' offer readers the chance to believe that they are guiltless of blame. I imagine that these scenes would offer a powerful outlet for both parent and child reader as they tackle the deep confusion and sense of blame that we can put upon ourselves when facing the loss of someone that we love very deeply.
But this is not a book that ends on a sad note, instead for the latter half of the story, it explores Alex's family's life after the death. Here we get to see Alex's family start a new chapter in their life, where Alex is allowed to ask questions about death with ease wherever he is - whether on the beach or at home. The final page may show Alex alone on the verso whilst his mother and sister sit together reading, but he is happy and comfortable in his surroundings.
He tells the reader that his mother says that it is okay to be sad and that, equally, it is okay to be happy too. What is important is that he should always feel that he can talk about his father whenever he wants to those who know him so that he can continue to understand what is, a profoundly emotional chapter in his own story.
I have read a lot of books recently that deal with the loss of a parent [b:Missing Mommy: A Book About Bereavement|14937350|Missing Mommy A Book About Bereavement|Rebecca Cobb|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1344319235s/14937350.jpg|20591684] and [b:My Father's Arms Are a Boat|13592096|My Father's Arms Are a Boat|Stein Erik Lunde|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1344718083s/13592096.jpg|19180179] but there is something real and deeply visceral about Alex's story. Knowing that the book is a retelling from Alex's point of view, as a parent, makes it a emotionally upsetting read, but I imagine it would give a great comfort to the child reader (and anyone who is supporting that child).
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