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dunder_mifflin's review against another edition
5.0
I really enjoyed this, it was gritty and sad and funny and real.
casspro's review
2.0
Donofrio writes what she knows, I'll give her that. I can't find any trace of pretention or façade in her writing; she's very honest and isn't afraid of making herself look like a terrible mother in the process. It's not the most interesting memoir, but it kept me reading because of the honest quality of her work.
belanna2's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
fast-paced
4.5
The book is so much better than the movie which turns the story into a typical rom-com without the depth the novel delivers.
rbruehlman's review against another edition
3.0
I really liked the first half of this book, and then the wheels came off the bus. I finished the book feeling dissatisfied and wanting, like the ending of the book had been shoved onto me. Without a meaningful conclusion and character development, the enjoyable first half lost a lot of its glimmer and shine.
The first half of book, as I noted, was really good. Donofrio talks in detail about her childhood, the ill-fated chain of decisions that led to her becoming pregnant at 16, and her shotgun marriage that was summarily blasted apart (pun intended) a few years later. Throughout, she is self-effacing and witty, caustically ripping apart her arrogant teen self who thought she knew everything. Every scene is descriptive, florid, as if you're there with her in the conversation herself. She is nothing if not an engaging writer, adept at vivid characterizations. Her mother is painted expertly as a shrill, traditionally feminine woman who happily concedes inferiority to her husband in return for brow-beating her children. Her father is a taciturn man who is concerned (rightly so) with Donofrio's reckless behavior, and rules the home with a protective, authoritarian fist. Her husband is a loser with few IQ points bouncing around. Donofrio herself is an immature, fiercely independent wild child, simultaneously bitter and ambivalent about her situation.
It's a sobering reminder of how teenage pregnancy was back in the day. Donofrio got pregnant; her parents encouraged adoption. Donofrio refused, so everyone--her family, her boyfriend, her boyfriend's family, school, friends--readily accepted the state of affairs: if you get knocked up and don't give the baby away, you marry the father and make do. Sixteen? Still a child yourself? Well, it just is what it is. As Donofrio's mother puts it, "You made your bed, and now you have to lie in it." Nowadays, it feels crazy that a 16-year-old might have a baby and marry the father and drop out of school, and it's even crazier when you consider just how immature Donofrio was. But that was just how things were done then. Childhood was short, and you owned your own youthful mistakes.
So Donofrio gets with the program, a little, and takes care of her baby with her dummy husband. But she's still a teen, and it shows. She resents her husband and child for ruining her life; she wants to party; she wants to have sex, get high, and do whatever she wants. She's anchored to Jason, but she also isn't, not in the way a mature mother would be. She leaves him with her parents often, brings home strangers for sex while he's there, gets high while he's around.
Initially I thought this was because Donofrio was still a teen, and her wild behavior and poor parenting was reflective of her age and the maturing she still had to do. God knows the average college student is still immature and living it up; Donofrio, I reasoned, just happened to have a child during that same lifestage.
But I don't think that was actually it. I kept waiting for Donofrio to grow up, to settle down, to start thinking about Jason or other people in her life or just ... well, anyone other than herself. The problem? I'm not sure she ever does. Three-fourths of the book are spent on her pregnancy and her son's early years. The last fourth of the book races by with exceptionally poor pacing. She enrolls in community college and then Wesleyan--great, you think, she's picking herself up! Nope, she's doing well in school, but still getting drunk and having lots of sex and being resentful of her poor son. Moves to New York City, dates crappy men, picks up sleazy gigs, and is still resentful of her son. Donofrio is like Freud's id personified, driven solely by the whim of the moment and what will feel good. Other people are an afterthought at best, but usually an annoyance because they have human needs that are inconvenient for Donofrio.
The last fifth or so, she gives a few scattered examples of how she realizes maybe her parents aren't so bad, or maybe she likes her son after all. But it's not like there was a clear arc; she'll recount an "aha!" moment when Jason is 15, then immediately turn around and recount another story a year later when he's 16 that makes you think, nope, she hasn't changed at all. At this point, she's in her mid-thirties, and the same personality traits that I initially attributed to being a cocky, immature teen look more like obnoxious, reckless self-centeredness. Donofrio doesn't actually seem to change as she gets older; she just has more fleeting moments of realizing maybe she's not very considerate to the other people around her.
It was easy to pity Donofrio early on--it really was. I thought, wow, Donofrio's self-centeredness is emblematic of how young she is and unprepared to raise a child. She still had so much growing up to do before having a baby. God knows I was self-centered and cocky as a teen too, but I grew out of it (I hope :) ). But I realized as the book came to an end that those traits weren't emblematic of being a teenager, but just ... well, being Donofrio. While I think the circumstances that Donofrio found herself in were really shocking in today's day and age (can you imagine getting married and having a baby at 17 and everyone treating that like that's just how it is?), and I feel sorry that it happened to her, Donofrio was honestly a hard person to like or empathize with on a person-level.
The first half of book, as I noted, was really good. Donofrio talks in detail about her childhood, the ill-fated chain of decisions that led to her becoming pregnant at 16, and her shotgun marriage that was summarily blasted apart (pun intended) a few years later. Throughout, she is self-effacing and witty, caustically ripping apart her arrogant teen self who thought she knew everything. Every scene is descriptive, florid, as if you're there with her in the conversation herself. She is nothing if not an engaging writer, adept at vivid characterizations. Her mother is painted expertly as a shrill, traditionally feminine woman who happily concedes inferiority to her husband in return for brow-beating her children. Her father is a taciturn man who is concerned (rightly so) with Donofrio's reckless behavior, and rules the home with a protective, authoritarian fist. Her husband is a loser with few IQ points bouncing around. Donofrio herself is an immature, fiercely independent wild child, simultaneously bitter and ambivalent about her situation.
It's a sobering reminder of how teenage pregnancy was back in the day. Donofrio got pregnant; her parents encouraged adoption. Donofrio refused, so everyone--her family, her boyfriend, her boyfriend's family, school, friends--readily accepted the state of affairs: if you get knocked up and don't give the baby away, you marry the father and make do. Sixteen? Still a child yourself? Well, it just is what it is. As Donofrio's mother puts it, "You made your bed, and now you have to lie in it." Nowadays, it feels crazy that a 16-year-old might have a baby and marry the father and drop out of school, and it's even crazier when you consider just how immature Donofrio was. But that was just how things were done then. Childhood was short, and you owned your own youthful mistakes.
So Donofrio gets with the program, a little, and takes care of her baby with her dummy husband. But she's still a teen, and it shows. She resents her husband and child for ruining her life; she wants to party; she wants to have sex, get high, and do whatever she wants. She's anchored to Jason, but she also isn't, not in the way a mature mother would be. She leaves him with her parents often, brings home strangers for sex while he's there, gets high while he's around.
Initially I thought this was because Donofrio was still a teen, and her wild behavior and poor parenting was reflective of her age and the maturing she still had to do. God knows the average college student is still immature and living it up; Donofrio, I reasoned, just happened to have a child during that same lifestage.
But I don't think that was actually it. I kept waiting for Donofrio to grow up, to settle down, to start thinking about Jason or other people in her life or just ... well, anyone other than herself. The problem? I'm not sure she ever does. Three-fourths of the book are spent on her pregnancy and her son's early years. The last fourth of the book races by with exceptionally poor pacing. She enrolls in community college and then Wesleyan--great, you think, she's picking herself up! Nope, she's doing well in school, but still getting drunk and having lots of sex and being resentful of her poor son. Moves to New York City, dates crappy men, picks up sleazy gigs, and is still resentful of her son. Donofrio is like Freud's id personified, driven solely by the whim of the moment and what will feel good. Other people are an afterthought at best, but usually an annoyance because they have human needs that are inconvenient for Donofrio.
The last fifth or so, she gives a few scattered examples of how she realizes maybe her parents aren't so bad, or maybe she likes her son after all. But it's not like there was a clear arc; she'll recount an "aha!" moment when Jason is 15, then immediately turn around and recount another story a year later when he's 16 that makes you think, nope, she hasn't changed at all. At this point, she's in her mid-thirties, and the same personality traits that I initially attributed to being a cocky, immature teen look more like obnoxious, reckless self-centeredness. Donofrio doesn't actually seem to change as she gets older; she just has more fleeting moments of realizing maybe she's not very considerate to the other people around her.
It was easy to pity Donofrio early on--it really was. I thought, wow, Donofrio's self-centeredness is emblematic of how young she is and unprepared to raise a child. She still had so much growing up to do before having a baby. God knows I was self-centered and cocky as a teen too, but I grew out of it (I hope :) ). But I realized as the book came to an end that those traits weren't emblematic of being a teenager, but just ... well, being Donofrio. While I think the circumstances that Donofrio found herself in were really shocking in today's day and age (can you imagine getting married and having a baby at 17 and everyone treating that like that's just how it is?), and I feel sorry that it happened to her, Donofrio was honestly a hard person to like or empathize with on a person-level.