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delladahlia's review against another edition
4.0
The first and only book of its kind, this was one of the most validating books I've ever read. I've never felt more understood and unalone then I did when I heard the testimonies in this book. LITERALLY I've spent years trying to understand why I felt the way I did, and how much of my own problems could be attributed to what I went through growing up as "a normal one". Previous counselors and therapists have touched on the subject that my anxieties and depression may have roots in my sister's disability but never was I able to get a deep focus like I was here.
I just wish this book was better. Seriously, it's not that well written. She does not do a great job at consistently citing sources, she repeats herself and directly quotes the same sentences from her patients and interviewees in different sections of the book without attributing the quotes as from anyone other than herself. I would have loved to give this by stars, but even my personal feelings, and to the overall social need for focus on this topic, it wasn't present well and on its own had a lot of issues that should have been taken care of in another round or two of editing.
That being said, I would highly recommend this book be added to any psychology class curriculum, and passed around the academic community in hopes it would Inspire more research into caliban syndrome.
I just wish this book was better. Seriously, it's not that well written. She does not do a great job at consistently citing sources, she repeats herself and directly quotes the same sentences from her patients and interviewees in different sections of the book without attributing the quotes as from anyone other than herself. I would have loved to give this by stars, but even my personal feelings, and to the overall social need for focus on this topic, it wasn't present well and on its own had a lot of issues that should have been taken care of in another round or two of editing.
That being said, I would highly recommend this book be added to any psychology class curriculum, and passed around the academic community in hopes it would Inspire more research into caliban syndrome.
amymc's review against another edition
4.0
Upsetting in a good, validating sort of way. Alternated between not being able to put it down and not being able to look at it, but read it cover to cover in 2 days. I hope that plenty more will be written on the topic.
robinlm's review
3.0
While this book was not completely relevant to my relationship with my siblings, there are aspects of "normal" sibling relationships throughout the book. For example, even in a family with "normal" children, parents or siblings will often assign themselves roles (the smart one, the easy one, the emotional one, the artistic one, etc.). These roles can be both comforting and confining, and part of becoming an adult is realizing that you get to break out of your childhood role and just be who you are.
Additionally, the meat of this book, I think, is just to acknowledge and deal with the emotions you have that are shameful or dark. We all have angry moments when we wish our siblings ill; that doesn't make you a horrible person. Acknowledging those difficult emotions doesn't mean that we're acting on them.
I think that this book could be very offensive to people who have a good relationship with a sibling who has mental or physical differences, but probably most people who grew up with a difficult sibling have conflicting emotions, memories, and responsibilities that this book might help them work through.
Additionally, the meat of this book, I think, is just to acknowledge and deal with the emotions you have that are shameful or dark. We all have angry moments when we wish our siblings ill; that doesn't make you a horrible person. Acknowledging those difficult emotions doesn't mean that we're acting on them.
I think that this book could be very offensive to people who have a good relationship with a sibling who has mental or physical differences, but probably most people who grew up with a difficult sibling have conflicting emotions, memories, and responsibilities that this book might help them work through.
aimee70807's review
3.0
The author's thesis is that siblings are an overlooked but integral part of our identity. She argues that having a sibling who is "difficult or damaged" generally makes parents go in one of two directions, both of which damage the "normal" child. Option A is to sink all of your energy into the problem child, with the result that the normal child becomes invisible, generally having to mature quickly to help with the damaged child and becoming an overachiever in life as a way of drawing parental attention. Option B is to write off the problem child and turn the normal child into your golden boy or girl, which in turn makes the normal child see that parental love is conditional and can easily be lost if he or she develops any flaws.
While I find that analysis interesting, the book itself really turned me off. I think part of the problem is simply that I have a knee-jerk negative reaction to the author, who admits that she was complicit in relegating her troubled older brother to second-rate status during their childhood. I found it annoying that she spent over 5% of the book on a literary analysis of the Tempest --- even though she uses Caliban as the symbol for the damaged sibling throughout the book, the analysis seemed excessive.
But the real problem, I think, is that the author can't seem to take a step back from her own problematic childhood to look at the issue in context. Yes, it's tough to be the normal sibling, but short of ditching anyone who's slightly abnormal, I don't see any other option than to take on extra responsibilities if someone in your family is troubled. I don't subscribe to the American belief that our own personal fulfillment should be the absolute top priority in our lives if we're hurting other people to make that happen, but I suspect the author of this book does.
While I find that analysis interesting, the book itself really turned me off. I think part of the problem is simply that I have a knee-jerk negative reaction to the author, who admits that she was complicit in relegating her troubled older brother to second-rate status during their childhood. I found it annoying that she spent over 5% of the book on a literary analysis of the Tempest --- even though she uses Caliban as the symbol for the damaged sibling throughout the book, the analysis seemed excessive.
But the real problem, I think, is that the author can't seem to take a step back from her own problematic childhood to look at the issue in context. Yes, it's tough to be the normal sibling, but short of ditching anyone who's slightly abnormal, I don't see any other option than to take on extra responsibilities if someone in your family is troubled. I don't subscribe to the American belief that our own personal fulfillment should be the absolute top priority in our lives if we're hurting other people to make that happen, but I suspect the author of this book does.
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