Reviews tagging 'Toxic friendship'

A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki

13 reviews

thmei's review against another edition

challenging emotional hopeful inspiring reflective fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

i adored this book. it just worked for me in every possible way. i related so much to nao’s perspective , even when the events of our lives deviated, and the way ruth ozeki captured the inner dialogue of a 16 year old felt so authentic and intelligently done. i may have loved ruth’s parts even more. i know a lot of people didn’t really like her story, but i adored it. i totally understood the experience of feeling consumed by someone else’s story and i loved how much of ruth you still saw in her story despite how much nao’s diary came to affect her. i adored ruth and all the other people in her life and i thought inserting herself and her husband as characters gave this novel a really interesting relationship to truth that played with nao’s story in such a cool way. and the ending. i know people hated this too. i tend to read negative reviews before i pick something up just to see if i think its flaws might bother me and to make sure a book isnt gonna spring a super triggering or bigoted scene or anything like that on me, and when i read about the sharp left turn into magical realism, i thought for sure i’d hate the ending too. instead i adored it. it felt very well foreshadowed to me, so while there’s one scene that very clearly marks the tip off the edge of our world, it didn’t feel shocking to me when that happened. several things in this book go very pointedly unexplained and several things happen that are obviously supernatural, and while you can explain them away as being imagined or made up, i don’t think the text makes them feel that way at all. a magical ending felt like the right place to go. plus, it felt like the only way to satisfy the story. what happened at the end felt like what needed to happen. it served the rest of the story well.

this book explored a lot of themes in a very tangible, human way and that’s what i loved about it. i think i could talk about it for ages. it obviously won’t work for everyone, but i personally am very glad i picked it up. if you’re a writer, a big reader, someone who feels a little lost or a little lonely, someone who had a rough childhood or shitty parents, or someone who likes to think about life or death or truth or memory or love or anything else in the synopsis, give it a shot.

i’m going to keep the content warning explanations as spoiler free as possible but i do still want to explain the big things, because i think there are some things you can skip around if you have to, and for some you should avoid this book entirely if you think they might trigger you. i’ve marked pretty much everything as spoilers so if you’re just looking for one specific explanation, you can choose that. i know i always want explanations so hopefully someone finds them helpful.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Physical abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Bullying, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide attempt, and Suicide

Moderate: Adult/minor relationship, Blood, Death of parent, Dementia, Toxic friendship, Violence, Vomit, and War

Minor: Animal cruelty, Cursing, Death, and Racial slurs

BULLYING:

nao endures some pretty terrible physical and emotional bullying and it takes up the majority of her story. even during the parts where it isn’t currently happening, it’s often mentioned.

SEXUAL ASSAULT/SEXUAL VIOLENCE, ADULT/MINOR RELATIONSHIP, BLOOD, TOXIC FRIENDSHIP:

at one point nao is ambushed in a bathroom by her classmates. they take pictures of her using the bathroom, attack her as she tries to run away, lift up her skirt, and steal her underwear. they try to convince each other to rape her, but no one does. later they put her underwear up for auction online, which is brought up several times throughout the book. she is on her period at the time.

it is obvious when this scene will happen, so easy to skip if any of this will trigger you.

the auction

, however, is mentioned several times after.

nao also befriends the head of a brothel by accident and starts doing sex work, and while it doesn’t seem like she thinks of herself as a prostitute and she calls the two men “dates,” she knows there’s money involved and the second encounter especially is not voluntary. neither are described as very violent and the first nao even describes as quite pleasant, but both are still sex work with older men and in the second she describes going to another place in her mind to cope. the sex is not super graphic in either but it is described.

SUICIDE, VOMIT: this is a main theme of this book. several suicide attempts are described (vomit is described, and the cleaning up of vomit). nao and her father are both intent, from page one, on committing suicide. nao’s perspective was not triggering for myself as someone who was suicidal for a long time, but i think someone who is currently suicidal should absolutely avoid this book, and someone who has been affected by the suicide/suicidal thoughts of someone close to them should be careful. PHYSICAL ABUSE, VIOLENCE:

nao’s physical abuse by her bullies is described. a relative of nao’s was a wwii soldier, and his physical abuse by his superiors is described.

it’s not terribly graphic, but it is not really avoidable. WAR:

nao’s relative is conscripted as a suicide bomber. his letters and diary describe his time in training and his facing death.

no active war scenes are described, but the broad topic of wwii is discussed at length. DEATH OF PARENT, DEMENTIA: ruth’s mom died of dementia before the events of the book. she reminisces about her mother and is insecure about her own sometimes failing memory. nao also thinks often of her own father’s potential death. ANIMAL CRUELTY: no human being is cruel to an animal! this is the closest tag there is to something like “animal injury” and i thought this scene should be tagged.

two characters in ruth’s story mention losing their animals to other wildlife- not in graphic detail but they mention being sad and one character’s wife describes him following a dog and watching, unable to save it. towards the end of the book, ruth’s cat goes missing and is found severely injured by another animal. the injury is described for a sentence or two. the cat does not die.

CURSING: not graphic or common at all. just put it so those who hate cursing will be prepared to hear a word or two. if i remember correctly, there’s a couple normal curse words and a couple instances of nao being a crude teenager and mentioning genitalia or thinking about violent situations. DEATH:

a major character dies at the end. it is not violent or particularly upsetting. it is sad.

RACIAL SLURS:

no character uses racial slurs in a violent, angry, or assaulting manner. ruth, a japanese woman, uses the word j*p to describe a house where an old japanese family used to live before japanese internment in wwii. if i remember correctly, this is the only slur and it’s only used once or twice in the very beginning of the book.

ye_li's review against another edition

challenging dark mysterious reflective slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

A Tale For The Time Being feels like a fever dream but in the best way possible. It becomes morbid at several points throughout the story, and you can see how Nao spirals deeper and deeper. Ruth's P.O.V was a bit of a slog to get through—I only became captivated with her point of view later on in the book, when it became surrealistic and dreamlike. As time goes on, this book and its story are all I can think about—I can't help but recommend it to other people and I can't stop talking about it. A somewhat grotesque and introspective piece of literature, managing to be so real yet completely bizarre. A work of art.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Suicide attempt, Violence, Bullying, and Suicidal thoughts

Moderate: Xenophobia and Toxic friendship

Minor: War

rhubarb_the_herb's review against another edition

challenging mysterious reflective medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Bullying, Cannibalism, Child abuse, Child death, Colonisation, Injury/Injury detail, Physical abuse, Rape, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide attempt, Violence, Vomit, and War

Minor: Alcohol, Cancer, Death of parent, Dementia, and Toxic friendship