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xterminal's review
1.0
Laura Jordan, Memorable MMF Threesome (Amazon Digital Services?, 2010)
I wish I could share with you some of the phrases that made my second foray into cheap Kindle porn so amusing. But I really can't come up with a single quote longer than a sentence that wouldn't get this review redlined out of existence. All I can say is trust me, it's impossible to get aroused when you're laughing this hard. First off, Jordan pads this (forty-two-page) epic with a vignette at the beginning that has nothing at all to do with the rest of it, save introduce a couple of characters who show up at the end. But why bother, when we get just the barest description about them? And by “barest description” I mean I don't even know what color hair or eyes these people had. This is also true of the three main characters. In fact, you're not even supposed to know the names of the two main males involved, though some seriously shoddy editing allows you to learn as time goes on that their names are Skip and Don. (Skip switches, seemingly at random, from being called “S.” to “S***” to “Skip”.)
The plot is... well, non-existent. This book exists to get our main characters, and a few random strangers along the way, into as many physically impossible contortions as possible.
I mentioned in my last Kindle porn review (for Laura Pearson's similarly awful My Wife Is a Slut) that I used to write “adult” tales for extra cash back in the middle grades. It's the kind of stuff that these days you find in Usenet groups. It's been a lot of years since I trolled those, but I found quite a few stories back in the early nineties that I thought at the time were much better than my old stuff, probably of a high enough quality to appear in print. Nowadays, reading these, I have to say I was probably underestimating those stories quite a bit. They're Pulitzer material compared to this. I wish I still had them so I could track down the authors, show them this, and ask them why on earth they're waiting to release those stories for half the price of this and make a fortune. If you find yourself intrigued, I beg you, resist the temptation. Or at least grab three or four cheaper pieces of Kindle porn for the same price. At least there's a chance you'll come up with something that might be worthwhile. ½
I wish I could share with you some of the phrases that made my second foray into cheap Kindle porn so amusing. But I really can't come up with a single quote longer than a sentence that wouldn't get this review redlined out of existence. All I can say is trust me, it's impossible to get aroused when you're laughing this hard. First off, Jordan pads this (forty-two-page) epic with a vignette at the beginning that has nothing at all to do with the rest of it, save introduce a couple of characters who show up at the end. But why bother, when we get just the barest description about them? And by “barest description” I mean I don't even know what color hair or eyes these people had. This is also true of the three main characters. In fact, you're not even supposed to know the names of the two main males involved, though some seriously shoddy editing allows you to learn as time goes on that their names are Skip and Don. (Skip switches, seemingly at random, from being called “S.” to “S***” to “Skip”.)
The plot is... well, non-existent. This book exists to get our main characters, and a few random strangers along the way, into as many physically impossible contortions as possible.
I mentioned in my last Kindle porn review (for Laura Pearson's similarly awful My Wife Is a Slut) that I used to write “adult” tales for extra cash back in the middle grades. It's the kind of stuff that these days you find in Usenet groups. It's been a lot of years since I trolled those, but I found quite a few stories back in the early nineties that I thought at the time were much better than my old stuff, probably of a high enough quality to appear in print. Nowadays, reading these, I have to say I was probably underestimating those stories quite a bit. They're Pulitzer material compared to this. I wish I still had them so I could track down the authors, show them this, and ask them why on earth they're waiting to release those stories for half the price of this and make a fortune. If you find yourself intrigued, I beg you, resist the temptation. Or at least grab three or four cheaper pieces of Kindle porn for the same price. At least there's a chance you'll come up with something that might be worthwhile. ½
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