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timrosolino's review against another edition
2.0
More misses than hits. Also only a handful of the stories fit the theme or tone set by the editor's introduction.
wealhtheow's review
2.0
A collection of sword and sorcery stories. Mostly written by dudes, and mostly uninspired or poorly written. They're all quite stylized: these are clearly authors who have either developed their authorial voices or are aping other, very distinct voices.
I kinda enjoyed:
Steven Erikson, "Goats of Glory": A pitiful village is excited by the approach of a ragtag band of soldiers, but fully expects them all to die when they announce they'll be sleeping in the nearby haunted ruins. The combat writing is fierce and fun, with characterization aplenty and clarity in terms of who does what to whom. I didn't like anything outside of the fighting, though; the characters felt too self-consciously grim and blase.
James Enge, "The Singing Spear": a famed Maker of magical items is faced with a difficult choice when one of his most powerful creations falls into the hands of a common highwayman.
KJ Parker's "A Rich Full Week": The stand-out of the collection, because it's such a refreshing and weird take on wizards, the undead, and magic in general. A wizard (who isn't a wizard, by his own standards, but a philosopher trained in mental energies) is called to a small village to settle the unquiet dead. But he finds that the undead that he faces was once a Brother of his own Order, which makes his job rather more complicated than expected. Creepy and spooky, with great description.
Scott Lynch's "In the Stacks": this story is why I picked the book up in the first place. I'm so desperate for more of Lynch's work! This story, in which wizards must venture into their school's magical library as their year-end test, is enjoyable but not nearly so much as his Gentlemen Bastards series. Still, the characters are unique and memorable (my personal favorite: Inappropriate Levity Bronzeclaw, a gigantic lizard named for his percieved character flaw, whose ability to bite people's heads off more than makes up for his mediocre wizardry) and the adventure is a fun read. Great, clever ending.
Caitlin Kiernan's "The Sea Troll's Daughter": Basically the first half of Beowulf, but with peasants instead of kings and a strong, brave, usually-drunk and very female Beowulf. I liked this particular remimagining better than most I've read. It has an earthy quality, with characters who read like humans instead of archetypes. (Also, it's a delight to read about queer heroes and monsters and tavern-maids.)
Joe Abercrombie's "The Fool Jobs": A band of mercenaries try to steal a magical item from a local village. The characters' voices and personalities are so distinct that they come clearly and memorably through after only a few pages. Not much in the way of plot, but I didn't miss it because I was too busy enjoying the characters and their banter.
I did not enjoy:
Glen Cook's "Tides Elba": the Black Company has an adventure. Maybe if I'd read a Black Company book before this I'd have appreciated seeing old characters again, but as it was this read like a badly done parody of (quoting from the back cover here) "grim humor mixed with gritty violence." Over long, and the dialog consists entirely of each character trying to be wittily grim and failing.
Gene Wolfe's "Bloodsport": a cool concept paired with poor execution. Gladiators who portrayed chess pieces decide to maintain civilization when the empire that enslaved them starts to crumble. But the writing is in an overwrought style I dislike ("Above stands the All High, and below lies Pandemonium. Choose your road and keep to it, for if you stray from it, you may encounter such as I. Fare you well! We shall not meet again.")
CJ Cherryh's "A Wizard in Wiscezan": a young apprentice to a fading wizard is the only one who might be able to defeat a powerful dark wizard. This felt weirdly lightweight, like it was the prequel to Tewk&Willem's adventures and I was already supposed to care about them. Is that true? I dunno, but I just didn't feel invested in this story. I did like the magical maze the wizards hide in.
Garth Nix's "A suitable present for a sorcerous puppet": Another tale of Sir Hereward and Mister Fitz, who travel the world banishing gods. I actually quite like Hereward and Fitz, who have a comraderie reminiscent of Aubrey&Maturin, and Nix's magic systems are always fantastically innovative. Buuut this one just didn't capture me.
Time Lebbon's "The Deification of Dal Bamore" is actually really interesting, world-building-wise, but it's so relentlessly gorey, and all the characters so unpleasant, that I found it tiring to get through. A priestess is tasked with escorting a magician (for magic is forbidden) to the wall to be publically executed.
Greg Keyes's "The Undefiled": A man is possessed by a serial-killing god. Generally, it makes his life (and the lives of those who encounter him) a living hell, but when he's tasked with retrieving a magical sword, his psychotic passenger proves to be his best defense.The god already possessing him fights with the god that possesses the sword, which prevents the usual slaughter&rape that the sword-god commits when it gets a host. Again, the idea is good but the writing is not. People are always grating out harsh chuckles and having lithe curves cloaked in shadow.
Michael Shea's "Hew the Tintmaster": an unmemorable quest, complete with artifically flowery dialog and descriptions that don't really make sense.
Tanith Lee's "Two Lions, a Witch, and the War-Robe": two wandering adventurers are tasked with finding the False Prince's missing war-robe. Told in a stiff, old-fashioned style rather like Malory's tales of Arthur. Just not to my taste.
Bill Willingham's "Thieves of Daring": This isn't a story, it's the first three pages of one. Such a rip-off.
So terrible:
Michael Moorcock's "Red Pearls: An Elric Story": so bad I started reading sections aloud to my partner so we could cackle together about it. I've never read an Elric story before; is Moorcock always so weirdly in love with him? Every page contains another seventeen descriptions of how beautiful his body is and how manly his brain and brawn. So many adjectives in so many run-on sentences! Here's a randomly chosen sample of the "extremely beautiful black-haired Princess Nauhaduar of Uyt" thinking about her lovah (which she does constantly): "...even if the albino were to abandon her, she would never regret knowing him or, as she suspected, loving him. Kinslayer and traitor he might be, it had never mattered to her what he was or what she risked. Dark and light were inextricably combined in this strange half-human creature whose ancestors had ruled the world before her own race emerged from the mud of creation, whose terrible sword, now rolled in rough cloth and skin and stowed in the lower locker, seemed possessed of its own dark intelligence. She knew she should be afraid of it, as of him, and part of her reexperienced the horror she had already witnessed once, there in the forsts of mysterious Soom, but the rest of her was drawn by curiosity to know more about the sword's properties and the moody prince who carried it." A few randomly chosen descriptions of Elric from a single paragraph: "hard, wonderful pale and vibrant body," "his urgent, alien body" "the doomed prince of ruins" "the albino sorcerer". The whole thing is just too ridiculous and overwrought.
Robert Silverberg's "Dark Times at the Midnight Market": An aristocrat commissions a love potion from a down-on-his-luck magician. But then, after the love potion works, it is turned against the magician! It's not presented as a terrible, creepy story, but as a humorous twist. Hahah, rape is so clever and funny. >:(
I kinda enjoyed:
Steven Erikson, "Goats of Glory": A pitiful village is excited by the approach of a ragtag band of soldiers, but fully expects them all to die when they announce they'll be sleeping in the nearby haunted ruins. The combat writing is fierce and fun, with characterization aplenty and clarity in terms of who does what to whom. I didn't like anything outside of the fighting, though; the characters felt too self-consciously grim and blase.
James Enge, "The Singing Spear": a famed Maker of magical items is faced with a difficult choice when one of his most powerful creations falls into the hands of a common highwayman.
KJ Parker's "A Rich Full Week": The stand-out of the collection, because it's such a refreshing and weird take on wizards, the undead, and magic in general. A wizard (who isn't a wizard, by his own standards, but a philosopher trained in mental energies) is called to a small village to settle the unquiet dead. But he finds that the undead that he faces was once a Brother of his own Order, which makes his job rather more complicated than expected. Creepy and spooky, with great description.
Scott Lynch's "In the Stacks": this story is why I picked the book up in the first place. I'm so desperate for more of Lynch's work! This story, in which wizards must venture into their school's magical library as their year-end test, is enjoyable but not nearly so much as his Gentlemen Bastards series. Still, the characters are unique and memorable (my personal favorite: Inappropriate Levity Bronzeclaw, a gigantic lizard named for his percieved character flaw, whose ability to bite people's heads off more than makes up for his mediocre wizardry) and the adventure is a fun read. Great, clever ending.
Caitlin Kiernan's "The Sea Troll's Daughter": Basically the first half of Beowulf, but with peasants instead of kings and a strong, brave, usually-drunk and very female Beowulf. I liked this particular remimagining better than most I've read. It has an earthy quality, with characters who read like humans instead of archetypes. (Also, it's a delight to read about queer heroes and monsters and tavern-maids.)
Joe Abercrombie's "The Fool Jobs": A band of mercenaries try to steal a magical item from a local village. The characters' voices and personalities are so distinct that they come clearly and memorably through after only a few pages. Not much in the way of plot, but I didn't miss it because I was too busy enjoying the characters and their banter.
I did not enjoy:
Glen Cook's "Tides Elba": the Black Company has an adventure. Maybe if I'd read a Black Company book before this I'd have appreciated seeing old characters again, but as it was this read like a badly done parody of (quoting from the back cover here) "grim humor mixed with gritty violence." Over long, and the dialog consists entirely of each character trying to be wittily grim and failing.
Gene Wolfe's "Bloodsport": a cool concept paired with poor execution. Gladiators who portrayed chess pieces decide to maintain civilization when the empire that enslaved them starts to crumble. But the writing is in an overwrought style I dislike ("Above stands the All High, and below lies Pandemonium. Choose your road and keep to it, for if you stray from it, you may encounter such as I. Fare you well! We shall not meet again.")
CJ Cherryh's "A Wizard in Wiscezan": a young apprentice to a fading wizard is the only one who might be able to defeat a powerful dark wizard. This felt weirdly lightweight, like it was the prequel to Tewk&Willem's adventures and I was already supposed to care about them. Is that true? I dunno, but I just didn't feel invested in this story. I did like the magical maze the wizards hide in.
Garth Nix's "A suitable present for a sorcerous puppet": Another tale of Sir Hereward and Mister Fitz, who travel the world banishing gods. I actually quite like Hereward and Fitz, who have a comraderie reminiscent of Aubrey&Maturin, and Nix's magic systems are always fantastically innovative. Buuut this one just didn't capture me.
Time Lebbon's "The Deification of Dal Bamore" is actually really interesting, world-building-wise, but it's so relentlessly gorey, and all the characters so unpleasant, that I found it tiring to get through. A priestess is tasked with escorting a magician (for magic is forbidden) to the wall to be publically executed.
Greg Keyes's "The Undefiled": A man is possessed by a serial-killing god. Generally, it makes his life (and the lives of those who encounter him) a living hell, but when he's tasked with retrieving a magical sword, his psychotic passenger proves to be his best defense.
Michael Shea's "Hew the Tintmaster": an unmemorable quest, complete with artifically flowery dialog and descriptions that don't really make sense.
Tanith Lee's "Two Lions, a Witch, and the War-Robe": two wandering adventurers are tasked with finding the False Prince's missing war-robe. Told in a stiff, old-fashioned style rather like Malory's tales of Arthur. Just not to my taste.
Bill Willingham's "Thieves of Daring": This isn't a story, it's the first three pages of one. Such a rip-off.
So terrible:
Michael Moorcock's "Red Pearls: An Elric Story": so bad I started reading sections aloud to my partner so we could cackle together about it. I've never read an Elric story before; is Moorcock always so weirdly in love with him? Every page contains another seventeen descriptions of how beautiful his body is and how manly his brain and brawn. So many adjectives in so many run-on sentences! Here's a randomly chosen sample of the "extremely beautiful black-haired Princess Nauhaduar of Uyt" thinking about her lovah (which she does constantly): "...even if the albino were to abandon her, she would never regret knowing him or, as she suspected, loving him. Kinslayer and traitor he might be, it had never mattered to her what he was or what she risked. Dark and light were inextricably combined in this strange half-human creature whose ancestors had ruled the world before her own race emerged from the mud of creation, whose terrible sword, now rolled in rough cloth and skin and stowed in the lower locker, seemed possessed of its own dark intelligence. She knew she should be afraid of it, as of him, and part of her reexperienced the horror she had already witnessed once, there in the forsts of mysterious Soom, but the rest of her was drawn by curiosity to know more about the sword's properties and the moody prince who carried it." A few randomly chosen descriptions of Elric from a single paragraph: "hard, wonderful pale and vibrant body," "his urgent, alien body" "the doomed prince of ruins" "the albino sorcerer". The whole thing is just too ridiculous and overwrought.
Robert Silverberg's "Dark Times at the Midnight Market": An aristocrat commissions a love potion from a down-on-his-luck magician. But then, after the love potion works, it is turned against the magician! It's not presented as a terrible, creepy story, but as a humorous twist. Hahah, rape is so clever and funny. >:(
thaxllssillyia's review
3.0
Overal I expected more out of this collection considering all the hype and the names of the authors and editors that contributed. There are some good stories in here, but there wasn't a single one that made me go "wow, this was great!". The introductory piece, giving a brief look through of the Sword and Sorcery genre was quite interesting though.
sarah42783's review
3.0
Overall rating: 3.1325 stars. No laughing. This was computed quite mathematically and stuff.
☢Friendly Warning: I bought this anthology because
Just so you know.
Okay, for those of you who have lives and don't have the time/can't be bothered to read the most fascinating reviews I painstakingly wrote for every bloody shrimping story in this anthology, here is the long and short of it:
❣ You really really really want to read:
✔ Tides Elba by Glen CookDUH .
✔ Goats of Glory by Steven Erikson (no, this is not a joke).
✔ Two Lions, a Witch and a War-Robe by Tanith Lee.
✔ Red Pearls by Michael Moorcock.
❉ You might want to read:
✔ A Rich Full Week by K. J. Parker.
✔ In the Stacks by Scott Lynch (not a joke either).
☠ You do not want to read:
✘ Everything else.
① Goats of Glory by Steven Erikson: 4.5 stars
➼ Series: this story is not part of the Malazan series per se, but it takes place in the Malazan world.
Let's do some quick maths, shall we?
Dark stuff + yummy demons + kick ass chicks + foul language + non-stop action + evisceration + scrumptious fights + chopped off limbs =
I rest my case.
P.S. Goats rock.
ETA: just finished reading [b:Gardens of the Silly Moon|55399|Gardens of the Moon (Malazan Book of the Fallen, #1)|Steven Erikson|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1548497031l/55399._SY75_.jpg|2646042]. No comment.
② Tides Elba by Glen Cook: 8 stars
➼ Series: The Black Company, #1.2
The mostest awesomest mercenaries in the history of mostest awesomest mercenaries !!! My grumpy boyfriend Croaker!!! One-Eye, Goblin, Otto, Hagop, Silent, Elmo, the Captain…most of my babies are here!!! A game of tonks with a very unexpected outcome!!! Oxymorons!!! Shrimp!!! Stupendelicious dialogues!!! And just like that, I'm home!!!!!!!
③ Blood Sport by Gene Wolfe: 2 stars
If there was supposed to be a point to this delightfully entertaining story, there is a slight possibility that I might have missed it quite entirely. Maybe.
④ The Singing Spear by James Enge: 2.5 stars
➼ Series: Morlock Ambrosius.
A drunk magician and a spear that sings. Wow. I can barely contain my excitement right now. This is too much. I think I'm about to have a heart attack or something. Halp.
⑤ A Wizard in Wiscezan by C.J. Cherryh: 2 stars
Young wizard apprentice, blah blah blah, been there read that, blah blah blah, couldn't care less couldn't care less couldn't care less, blah blah blah, bored bored bored, bye bye bye.
⑥ A Rich Full Week by K. J. Parker: 3.88 stars
A "philosopher" + undead type peoplenot zombies. Big difference. Because zombies suck and stuff + slightly awesome magic + a little horror =
⑦ A Suitable Present for a Sorcerous Puppet by Garth Nix: 2.5 stars
➼ Series: Sir Hereward and Mister Fitz.
Quick Garth Nix maths: this short story + [b:Sabriel|518848|Sabriel (Abhorsen, #1)|Garth Nix|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1293655399l/518848._SY75_.jpg|3312237] =
Because too light. Because too diet. Because too decaf. Because ever so slightly boring and stuff. Also, in this particular Suitable Present case: "beautiful attendant" (please allow me to eyeroll my little self death) + bloody shrimpingsilly puppet (of all things) = I don't think so.
Bye now.
⑧ Red Pearls by Michael Moorcock: 4.5 stars
➼ Series: The Elric Saga.
Disclaimer: I'd never heard of Michael Moorcock before reading this story. Yeah yeah yeah, I'm slightly challenged in the Fantasy department, I know. Please feel free to sue me and all that crap.
Elric of Melniboné, where the fishing fish have you been all my subaquatic life?! Do you realize I want to do the infamous Poof! Gone! Harem! on you already? After reading only a tiny little adventure of yours?! And despite your albinistic features?! Hey, no offense to my Little Albino Barnacles, but I like myslaves boyfriends on the darker skin-darker hair side and stuff His Furriness doesn't count, obviously . This is kinda sorta unheard of, you know. But I guess it can be scientifically explained by the fact that:
a)You're slightly hot.
b)Your moral compass seem to be a little on the fished up side.
c)You're slightly hot.
d)Your sword is slightly hotand yes, I do mean your "sword." Not your, you know, "sword" and stuff .
e)You're slightly hot.
f)Your girlfriend is slightly hot. She's got pretty huge harem potential, too.
g)You're slightly hot.
QED and stuff. Also: ships and pirates and dragons, oh my!
Now let's dance.
⑨ The Deification of Dal Balmore by Tim Lebbon: 2 stars
➼ A story set in the world of Lebbon's Echo City novel.
I just finished reading this one. It was fascinating. I loved it.
Just kidding.
Sooooooo, I must have read this story really, really wrong, because everyone else seems to think it's slightly wondrous. So either I have despicably despicable book taste or I'm the only one who read this right. Which seems highly probable, come to think of it. Because I'm always right even when I'm not wrong all the time. But anyway. There was some lovely fighting and blood shedding here, which was pretty cool and stuff, but I didn't like the priestess chick female lead, which was pretty not cool. That Dal Balmore guy could have been delicious material, but he wasn't, so that was pretty not cool as well. Also, to the hilarious people who thought this story was beautifully dark:
I love you too, People of the Despicable Book Taste (PotDBT™)!
Bye now!
⑩ Dark Times at the Midnight Market by Robert Silverberg: 2.5 stars
➼ A story set in the world of Silverberg's Majipoor series.
This one is a refreshingly captivating story about love potions. Hahahahaha. Just kidding. Okay, so it is really a story about love potions but refreshingly captivating it was most certainly not. I mean, come on, bloody shrimping love potions? Seriously? Was this story written 30 years ago or something? Anyway, apart from that Silly Lurve Brew Thing (SLBT™), the story was not badly written. It was revoltingly light, slightly somewhat a little predictable and Deadly Land of Meh (DLoM™) material, but other than that, it was fairly survivable. To be disgustingly honest, the world was pretty intriguing and there were some cool creatures frolicking around. Does that mean I want to give Silverberg's Majipoor series a try? Hahahahaha. I think not. I may have masochistic tendencies but I don't have a death wish. Yet.
Don't ask.
⑪ The Undefiled by Greg Keyes: 1 star
Okay so I should have loved this one because it's dark and violent and stuff. BUT:
1)Everyone else seems to think it's pretty fantastic, ergo I obviously didn't. It's so sad to see other people read so many books wrong all the time.
2)I must be really weird and severely old-fashioned, because I don't find jokes about rape funny.
⑫ Hew the Tintmaster by Michael Shea: 2 stars
➼ A story based on Jack Vance's Cugel the Clever character, from his Dying Earth series.
Was I supposed to like this one, too? Yeah, I think I was supposed to like this one, too. Guess what? I didn't like it. Oops. The premise isn't bad(if a bit light and silly), but the writing nearly killed me here. Why? Because never-ending descriptions and flowery language of death. Such hardcore stuff should be outlawed, if you ask me.
⑬ In the Stacks by Scott Lynch: 3.99 stars
Ah, Scott Lynch, akaThe Author Who Doesn't Know What Concise Means (TGWDKWCM™) the beloved author of one of my mostest favoritest books ever. Such a glorious surprise it was to find a most wondrous story of his in this anthology! I do love the smell of DNF in the morning, so it was with eager anticipation that I started reading what I expected to be a mind-numbingly tedious tale. What a total, complete rip-off. I actually *whispers* liked this one! I bloody shrimping *whispers* enjoyed reading it! This cannot be, Mr Lynch! This will not do! This was supposed to be the cure to my insomnia, not something that *whispers* kept me awake!
You tell him, Lady Catherine! Such shameful behavior cannot and will not be condoned!
So the frightfully awful truth is this: yes, as much as it pains my beautifully serrated pincers to admit it, I kinda sorta *whispers* didn't think this was totally crappy. What the fish is wrong with me? Pretty sure I have some kind of weird, deadly disease or something. That's the only logical explanation for this sad display of despicable book taste. But anyway. I thought this story was not *whispers* entirely unworthy of being read because:
✔ Coolest sentient library ever.
✔ Vocabuvores FTW! I want tokidnap adopt them all. Pretty sure they'd get on really well with my murderous babies. All of them together, such a beautifully lethal army they would make. Just the thought of it makes me go all tingly inside and stuff.
✔ Engaging cast of characters. Most of them are disgustingly young and I must admit there is quite the revolting YA feel here, but I survived anyway ← yet another proof that something is really really wrong with poor little me.
✔ Fun, entertaining stuff ← that specific enough for you? Good.
So yeah, you might want to read this one. Because, it's, you know, *whispers* not too thoroughly crappy and stuff.
⑭ Two Lions, a Witch and a War-Robe by Tanith Lee: 4.5 stars
This one kinda sorta made me feel like a bunch of boozy, hyper Sherlocked Boys on acid.
Shake that booty, you pickled chaps!
Yeah, that is most certainly me while I was reading this moderately enjoyable story hereI have pretty smooth and sexy moves, right? . Why? Because:
Two deliciously sarcastic and beautifully unflappable sword-wielding dudes.
+
Severed limbs aplenty (heads, hands, ears, you name it! Yay!).
+
Ha ha ha material.
+
Sorcery/magic/whatever.
+
A witch and stuff.
+
Awardrobe war-robe and stuff *waves at C.S. Lewis*
+
Lions (no tiger or bears or Currans though) and stuff.
=
Told you I had super smooth and sexy moves.
⑮ The Sea Troll's Daughter by Caitlín R. Kiernan: 2 stars
I think Kiernan might have found the cure to insomnia here.
⑯ The Fool Jobs by Joe Abercrombrie: 2.25 stars
➼ A story set in the world of Abercrombie's First Law series.
Ah, The First Law, what a glorious series. I loved The Blade Itself SO much. It really is one of my top 100,000,000 mostest favoritest books of all times and stuff.
Yes, I'm hilarious, I know. Anyway, I didn't love this one as nearly as much as I didn't love The Blade Itself. Why? Because:
1/It tries too bloody shrimping hard to be funny. Ergo, it isn't. Also, if I want to read aboutan awesome band of most wondrous mercenaries a ragtag bunch of brutes, and chuckle & giggle & chortle at their most delicious dialogues, I'll reread the Black Company of Dazzling Scrumptiousness (BCoDS™), thank thee kindly.
2/This thing doesn't know if it wants to be funny or dark. Ergo, it's neither. First it's all, "laugh at my story, it's deliriously humorous!"And I'm like…
. Then it's all, "be in awe of my story, it's all slaughterish and bloody!" And I'm like…
.
But worry not, Mr Abercrombie! It's definitely notme you, it's quite obviously you me!
The end.
☢
Just so you know.
Okay, for those of you who have lives and don't have the time/can't be bothered to read the most fascinating reviews I painstakingly wrote for every bloody shrimping story in this anthology, here is the long and short of it:
❣ You really really really want to read:
✔ Tides Elba by Glen Cook
✔ Goats of Glory by Steven Erikson (no, this is not a joke).
✔ Two Lions, a Witch and a War-Robe by Tanith Lee.
✔ Red Pearls by Michael Moorcock.
❉ You might want to read:
✔ A Rich Full Week by K. J. Parker.
✔ In the Stacks by Scott Lynch (not a joke either).
☠ You do not want to read:
✘ Everything else.
① Goats of Glory by Steven Erikson: 4.5 stars
➼ Series: this story is not part of the Malazan series per se, but it takes place in the Malazan world.
Let's do some quick maths, shall we?
Dark stuff + yummy demons + kick ass chicks + foul language + non-stop action + evisceration + scrumptious fights + chopped off limbs =
I rest my case.
P.S. Goats rock.
ETA: just finished reading [b:Gardens of the Silly Moon|55399|Gardens of the Moon (Malazan Book of the Fallen, #1)|Steven Erikson|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1548497031l/55399._SY75_.jpg|2646042]. No comment.
② Tides Elba by Glen Cook: 8 stars
➼ Series: The Black Company, #1.2
The mostest awesomest mercenaries in the history of mostest awesomest mercenaries !!! My grumpy boyfriend Croaker!!! One-Eye, Goblin, Otto, Hagop, Silent, Elmo, the Captain…most of my babies are here!!! A game of tonks with a very unexpected outcome!!! Oxymorons!!! Shrimp!!! Stupendelicious dialogues!!! And just like that, I'm home!!!!!!!
③ Blood Sport by Gene Wolfe: 2 stars
If there was supposed to be a point to this delightfully entertaining story, there is a slight possibility that I might have missed it quite entirely. Maybe.
④ The Singing Spear by James Enge: 2.5 stars
➼ Series: Morlock Ambrosius.
A drunk magician and a spear that sings. Wow. I can barely contain my excitement right now. This is too much. I think I'm about to have a heart attack or something. Halp.
⑤ A Wizard in Wiscezan by C.J. Cherryh: 2 stars
Young wizard apprentice, blah blah blah, been there read that, blah blah blah, couldn't care less couldn't care less couldn't care less, blah blah blah, bored bored bored, bye bye bye.
⑥ A Rich Full Week by K. J. Parker: 3.88 stars
A "philosopher" + undead type people
⑦ A Suitable Present for a Sorcerous Puppet by Garth Nix: 2.5 stars
➼ Series: Sir Hereward and Mister Fitz.
Quick Garth Nix maths: this short story + [b:Sabriel|518848|Sabriel (Abhorsen, #1)|Garth Nix|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1293655399l/518848._SY75_.jpg|3312237] =
Because too light. Because too diet. Because too decaf. Because ever so slightly boring and stuff. Also, in this particular Suitable Present case: "beautiful attendant" (please allow me to eyeroll my little self death) + bloody shrimping
Bye now.
⑧ Red Pearls by Michael Moorcock: 4.5 stars
➼ Series: The Elric Saga.
Disclaimer: I'd never heard of Michael Moorcock before reading this story. Yeah yeah yeah, I'm slightly challenged in the Fantasy department, I know. Please feel free to sue me and all that crap.
Elric of Melniboné, where the fishing fish have you been all my subaquatic life?! Do you realize I want to do the infamous Poof! Gone! Harem! on you already? After reading only a tiny little adventure of yours?! And despite your albinistic features?! Hey, no offense to my Little Albino Barnacles, but I like my
a)You're slightly hot.
b)Your moral compass seem to be a little on the fished up side.
c)You're slightly hot.
d)Your sword is slightly hot
e)You're slightly hot.
f)Your girlfriend is slightly hot. She's got pretty huge harem potential, too.
g)You're slightly hot.
QED and stuff. Also: ships and pirates and dragons, oh my!
Now let's dance.
⑨ The Deification of Dal Balmore by Tim Lebbon: 2 stars
➼ A story set in the world of Lebbon's Echo City novel.
I just finished reading this one. It was fascinating. I loved it.
Just kidding.
Sooooooo, I must have read this story really, really wrong, because everyone else seems to think it's slightly wondrous. So either I have despicably despicable book taste or I'm the only one who read this right. Which seems highly probable, come to think of it. Because I'm always right even when I'm not wrong all the time. But anyway. There was some lovely fighting and blood shedding here, which was pretty cool and stuff, but I didn't like the priestess chick female lead, which was pretty not cool. That Dal Balmore guy could have been delicious material, but he wasn't, so that was pretty not cool as well. Also, to the hilarious people who thought this story was beautifully dark:
I love you too, People of the Despicable Book Taste (PotDBT™)!
Bye now!
⑩ Dark Times at the Midnight Market by Robert Silverberg: 2.5 stars
➼ A story set in the world of Silverberg's Majipoor series.
This one is a refreshingly captivating story about love potions. Hahahahaha. Just kidding. Okay, so it is really a story about love potions but refreshingly captivating it was most certainly not. I mean, come on, bloody shrimping love potions? Seriously? Was this story written 30 years ago or something? Anyway, apart from that Silly Lurve Brew Thing (SLBT™), the story was not badly written. It was revoltingly light, slightly somewhat a little predictable and Deadly Land of Meh (DLoM™) material, but other than that, it was fairly survivable. To be disgustingly honest, the world was pretty intriguing and there were some cool creatures frolicking around. Does that mean I want to give Silverberg's Majipoor series a try? Hahahahaha. I think not. I may have masochistic tendencies but I don't have a death wish. Yet.
Don't ask.
⑪ The Undefiled by Greg Keyes: 1 star
Okay so I should have loved this one because it's dark and violent and stuff. BUT:
1)Everyone else seems to think it's pretty fantastic, ergo I obviously didn't. It's so sad to see other people read so many books wrong all the time.
2)I must be really weird and severely old-fashioned, because I don't find jokes about rape funny.
⑫ Hew the Tintmaster by Michael Shea: 2 stars
➼ A story based on Jack Vance's Cugel the Clever character, from his Dying Earth series.
Was I supposed to like this one, too? Yeah, I think I was supposed to like this one, too. Guess what? I didn't like it. Oops. The premise isn't bad
⑬ In the Stacks by Scott Lynch: 3.99 stars
Ah, Scott Lynch, aka
You tell him, Lady Catherine! Such shameful behavior cannot and will not be condoned!
So the frightfully awful truth is this: yes, as much as it pains my beautifully serrated pincers to admit it, I kinda sorta *whispers* didn't think this was totally crappy. What the fish is wrong with me? Pretty sure I have some kind of weird, deadly disease or something. That's the only logical explanation for this sad display of despicable book taste. But anyway. I thought this story was not *whispers* entirely unworthy of being read because:
✔ Coolest sentient library ever.
✔ Vocabuvores FTW! I want to
✔ Engaging cast of characters. Most of them are disgustingly young and I must admit there is quite the revolting YA feel here, but I survived anyway ← yet another proof that something is really really wrong with poor little me.
✔ Fun, entertaining stuff ← that specific enough for you? Good.
So yeah, you might want to read this one. Because, it's, you know, *whispers* not too thoroughly crappy and stuff.
⑭ Two Lions, a Witch and a War-Robe by Tanith Lee: 4.5 stars
This one kinda sorta made me feel like a bunch of boozy, hyper Sherlocked Boys on acid.
Shake that booty, you pickled chaps!
Yeah, that is most certainly me while I was reading this moderately enjoyable story here
Two deliciously sarcastic and beautifully unflappable sword-wielding dudes.
+
Severed limbs aplenty (heads, hands, ears, you name it! Yay!).
+
Ha ha ha material.
+
Sorcery/magic/whatever.
+
A witch and stuff.
+
A
+
Lions (no tiger or bears or Currans though) and stuff.
=
⑮ The Sea Troll's Daughter by Caitlín R. Kiernan: 2 stars
I think Kiernan might have found the cure to insomnia here.
⑯ The Fool Jobs by Joe Abercrombrie: 2.25 stars
➼ A story set in the world of Abercrombie's First Law series.
Ah, The First Law, what a glorious series. I loved The Blade Itself SO much. It really is one of my top 100,000,000 mostest favoritest books of all times and stuff.
Yes, I'm hilarious, I know. Anyway, I didn't love this one as nearly as much as I didn't love The Blade Itself. Why? Because:
1/It tries too bloody shrimping hard to be funny. Ergo, it isn't. Also, if I want to read about
2/This thing doesn't know if it wants to be funny or dark. Ergo, it's neither. First it's all, "laugh at my story, it's deliriously humorous!"
But worry not, Mr Abercrombie! It's definitely not
The end.
therewithal's review
4.0
Some stories I liked very much, some that were OK, a couple I skipped. The Scott Lynch story was definitely my favorite.
pts's review
3.0
I'll do whatever it takes to get my Scott Lynch fix, including buying this anthology.
perpetualgloom's review
3.0
A mixed bag, as any short story collection is naturally going to be. Some contributors (Joe Abercrombie, K. J. Parker, Scott Lynch, Steven Erikson) provide the succintly written, character driven stories that make modern sword and sorcery fun. By contrast, the contributions of the old masters who've been included - Glen Cook and Michael Moorcock, for whom I've never really managed to develop a soft spot - just reminded me how far this sub genre has come from the days of purple prose and cliched, half finished characters.
goodbyepuckpie's review
2.0
Grabbed this via Chris, and I essentially have to concurr with her review. The Scott Lynch story about student magician/librarians was EXCELLENT and I enjoyed it a whole lot, and I also really enjoyed the Tanith Lee story (although it felt like an excerpt from a story that should have been a lot longer), but overall, wow, did NOT like this anthology much at all. The quality wasn't as high as I would've expected from some of those names, there was far too much torture porn and/or non-consensual sex, and frankly, there were at least three stores where I got about two pages in and then tapped out, skipping on to the next story. Which I don't usually do. Essentially I'd say get this from the library, if at all. And also, I should find some other Scott Lynch.
myxomycetes's review
4.0
Great fun if you have an itch sword & sorcery.
And while I might say it's less "the new" sword and sorcery and more "recent" sword and sorcery I recognize that I am splitting hairs most folks wouldn't care about splitting.
If you like sword and sorcery or secondary world adventure fantasy, read this book.
And while I might say it's less "the new" sword and sorcery and more "recent" sword and sorcery I recognize that I am splitting hairs most folks wouldn't care about splitting.
If you like sword and sorcery or secondary world adventure fantasy, read this book.
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