Reviews

Tanya: Princess of the Elves by Larry Correia

oswallt's review

4.0

A must read for any MHI fan.

sarah42783's review

4.0

This is the hilarious heartwarming story of Tanya, a pain-in-the-exoskeleton, cleavage-flaunting, tramp stamp tattoo-wielding, bar-top dancing, ever-flouncing, philandering chick charming Elven princess, who lives in a trailer park the beautiful, super extra lush Enchanted Forest with her foul-mouthed, Ho Ho-gorging, ranch dressing-obsessed, TV infomercial-addicted, ever-scolding, always-snoring, harpy-like progenitor super classy, graceful, compassionate, kind, delicate flower of a mother, the Queen of Elves.

Tanya loves her Elven trash forest life so much that she just can’t wait to get out of this dump become a queen like Lovely Mommy one day. Still, she is getting kinda sorta bored of doing nothing but dragging her skinny ass from the couch to Walmart and back, day-in, day-out doing charity work and would love nothing better than to do all sorts of badass stuff and frolic with bad human boys explore the world.



Such a stylish, high-class princess, our Tanya. The girl really knows hows to travel in style, if you ask me.

Lovely Mommy not only agrees that this will never happen (and if it does, it will be over her dead, triple-chinned body) with her darling child, she also believes that it will never happen (and if it does, it will be over her dead, triple-chinned body) expand Tanya’s horizons nicely, thus making her a better ruler when she ascends to the Elven Trash throne and stuff.

So all is hunky dory, Lovely Mommy nearly takes Tanya’s eye out with her favorite bunny slipper helps Tanya pack, and our tacky gentle Elven princess escapes the fish out of the trailer park with stolen cash, an iPod overflowing with Eminem songs, and her most prized possession (an Elvis Presley medallion that does wonders for her cleavage when she wears one of her super low-cut tops) is off to try and join MHI, kill herself some monsters and consort with filthy orcs broaden her trashy royal perspective.



That's pretty much the idea, yes.

Tanya is one Super Extra Lucky Elven Brat Princess (SELEBP™), because she lies and schemes her way into an MHI operation comes across some MHI badasses by pure chance as she escapes exits the trailer park Enchanted Forest, and then Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler Stuff (S⁴) happens, which I can’t tell you about because a lazy, lethargic barnacle is me today spoiler spoiler spoiler. Obviously.

Okay, I’m not entirely heartless and don’t want to leave you wholly completely in the dark, so I’ll tell you this much: the story involves a guy called Exszrsd Hgth Frhnzld Wrst who moves like a kung-fu movie on fast forward, creatures who may or may not eat babies little pink, fleshy ones for breakfast, a cranky, telepathic blarg, a Fox-news junky who think foxes are the most delicious of mammals, dead elves that make great holiday decorations, killing frenzies (or lackthereof), guys whose six pack abs have six packs, and monsters that are bigger than Lovely Mommy (no small feat, this).

The end. Now let’s dance and stuff.



➽ Nefarious Last Words (NLW™): this is Slightly Very Bloody Fishing Funny as Shrimp (SVBFFaS™), this is short, this is free, this is here. You are quite welcome.

P.S. Being polite means no decapitation. Just so you know.

• Book 1: Monster Hunter International ★★★★
• Book 2: Monster Hunter Vendetta ★★★★
• Book 3: Monster Hunter Alpha ★★★
• Book 3.5 (short story): A Halloween Public Service Announcement from MHI ★★★★
• Book 4: Monster Hunter Legion ★★★★
• Book 5: Monster Hunter Nemesis ★★★★
• Book 6: Monster Hunter Siege - to be read
• Book 7: Monster Hunter Guardian - to be read



[Pre-review nonsense]



This is my furry twin laughing with nefarious abandon while reading this story. In case you were wondering.

RTC and stuff.