Scan barcode
hectaizani's review against another edition
4.0
This was a really difficult book to read and will be difficult to review. The author describes her experiences in graduate school where she was harassed and stalked by one of her professors. This professor, despite being an esteemed scholar, a department chair and a Catholic priest, took advantage of the author's naivety and relative innocence. She suffered in silence because he made her believe that it was all her fault.
This is an incredibly powerful and timely narrative. It has recently come to the forefront via the #metoo movement that there are very few women who have not been faced with a situation in which they were denied the ability to consent. Be it via sexual harassment in the workplace or school, unwelcomed sexual advances from peers, or catcalling in the street. When put in this situation we feel guilty even though it is not our fault. We agonize over what we can allow ourselves to wear as though clothing our bodies is somehow an invitation to invade our privacy. Our facial expressions come under scrutiny as we are told to smile. Every aspect of a woman's life is under a self microscope because we are taught not to offend. That's how the author felt she was afraid of offending her stalker because maybe she was misinterpreting the situation. Based on his actions she was in no way misinterpreting his behavior, it was not her fault, and yet she took all the blame, and suffered as a result.
In the author's own words:
"In the end, there wasn't enough feminism in the world to save me from the situation in which I eventually found myself."
"But when it happens to you and you are young and powerless, and the person who is making it happen holds your dream in his hands, fragile and beautiful and glowing with hope, there is a lot you will try to do to ensure he doesn't use those hands to crush it."
"The woman pays the price with her future and the man keeps his present and future as though he did nothing wrong. That is the deal we strike when we come forward isn't it?"
We need to teach our children of all genders about consent until it is second nature that both "no" and "maybe" means NO. That their bodies belong to them and that nobody has the right to invade their physical or mental space without their permission. That pressure and guilt have no place in obtaining consent. But we also need a world where turning in the victimizer doesn't get hushed up and swept under the rug. Where the victim isn't punished for asking for help. Where she is believed.
I requested a digital advance reader's copy of this book from NetGalley in return for the promise of an honest review.
This is an incredibly powerful and timely narrative. It has recently come to the forefront via the #metoo movement that there are very few women who have not been faced with a situation in which they were denied the ability to consent. Be it via sexual harassment in the workplace or school, unwelcomed sexual advances from peers, or catcalling in the street. When put in this situation we feel guilty even though it is not our fault. We agonize over what we can allow ourselves to wear as though clothing our bodies is somehow an invitation to invade our privacy. Our facial expressions come under scrutiny as we are told to smile. Every aspect of a woman's life is under a self microscope because we are taught not to offend. That's how the author felt she was afraid of offending her stalker because maybe she was misinterpreting the situation. Based on his actions she was in no way misinterpreting his behavior, it was not her fault, and yet she took all the blame, and suffered as a result.
In the author's own words:
"In the end, there wasn't enough feminism in the world to save me from the situation in which I eventually found myself."
"But when it happens to you and you are young and powerless, and the person who is making it happen holds your dream in his hands, fragile and beautiful and glowing with hope, there is a lot you will try to do to ensure he doesn't use those hands to crush it."
"The woman pays the price with her future and the man keeps his present and future as though he did nothing wrong. That is the deal we strike when we come forward isn't it?"
We need to teach our children of all genders about consent until it is second nature that both "no" and "maybe" means NO. That their bodies belong to them and that nobody has the right to invade their physical or mental space without their permission. That pressure and guilt have no place in obtaining consent. But we also need a world where turning in the victimizer doesn't get hushed up and swept under the rug. Where the victim isn't punished for asking for help. Where she is believed.
I requested a digital advance reader's copy of this book from NetGalley in return for the promise of an honest review.
abbuelita's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
fast-paced
5.0
This was soo beautifully written. I am so glad the author got to share her story because stories like this are so so important to further the conversation about the power that men like her former professor hold and how they wield it in such insidious ways to try and shift blame away from themselves. I felt a sense of simmering rage on her behalf throughout the whole book, and especially at the actions of the HR woman at her university.
laurazdavidson's review against another edition
2.0
I did not like this book. The writing is sound and the topic is certainly worthy, but it just goes on and on and on. And parts of it made me angry. Of course, I was angry with him, but also with the author: "Once again, I was failing at feminism. Or worse, once again, feminism was failing me." No! Feminism did not fail you - men failed you. Institutions failed you. And this, a few pages later: "I still hadn't figured out what to do about grad school either, and the reality that he would be all over the building where I went for classes, that he had every right to be there since he was a professor. He had more of a right to be there than I did; it had been his place of employment for years." Sigh.
chaistainedpages's review against another edition
I couldn’t finish the book. I just couldn’t. It was very repetitive, and I sympathise with her plight, but this book just wasn’t something I could get through. To read even the two parts I did was like pulling teeth.
dannycakez8808's review against another edition
3.0
This story was a tough one to read but definitely a powerful one. There are so many women affected by harassment, unwanted sexual advances or attention everyday. It made me recall the "me too" movement we saw on social media not too far back. This is a very important story to tell and I appreciate the author telling her story. It's hard for me to give a rating to someone's personal life and story. It's also hard to say you enjoy the book with such tough content. The story needs to be out there and told siberry much commend her for that but did not enjoy the writing style. Overall reading was still a positive one of three stars.
anushri17's review against another edition
challenging
dark
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
sonia_reppe's review against another edition
4.0
The stalker-Priest/Professor didn't get violent or sexual in his harassment; yet it's crazy how he just didn't get it. Most people get the hint when someone stops returning your calls and keeps refusing your invitations; when someone avoids you, it becomes apparent that you should move on. But this guy, and intellectual person so does not get it. Even when Donna started saying "no," over and over, he refused to hear the no, and accused her of "being a bad friend."
An added layer of complication came from his position of power. He was on her dissertation committee and would be the one who needed to write her letter or recommendation. So for a long time she felt she had to put up with things. No, he wasn't inappropriate in a sexual way, but receiving multiple letters and calls everyday by this guy would make anyone dread opening the mailbox or answering the phone, and make them a nervous wreck.
And yet a third layer to the situation caused even more anger and frustration: how the university HR lied to Donna saying they would do something about it; yet they did nothing.
All this made for a quick, compelling read, although I felt Freitas analyzes it too much for the reader. Especially the prologue was not needed. (Not for the reader-- I believed Freitas needed to get that down on paper for her own mental cleansing but the reader didn't need it). Just the facts of what happened will let any reader conclude the craziness and inappropriateness of him and of her innocence. Just by sharing her background,as she does, of being from a traditional Catholic family, will let the reader draw connections between why she waited so long to assert herself against a priest.
A different kind of stalker tale.
An added layer of complication came from his position of power. He was on her dissertation committee and would be the one who needed to write her letter or recommendation. So for a long time she felt she had to put up with things. No, he wasn't inappropriate in a sexual way, but receiving multiple letters and calls everyday by this guy would make anyone dread opening the mailbox or answering the phone, and make them a nervous wreck.
And yet a third layer to the situation caused even more anger and frustration: how the university HR lied to Donna saying they would do something about it; yet they did nothing.
All this made for a quick, compelling read, although I felt Freitas analyzes it too much for the reader. Especially the prologue was not needed. (Not for the reader-- I believed Freitas needed to get that down on paper for her own mental cleansing but the reader didn't need it). Just the facts of what happened will let any reader conclude the craziness and inappropriateness of him and of her innocence. Just by sharing her background,as she does, of being from a traditional Catholic family, will let the reader draw connections between why she waited so long to assert herself against a priest.
A different kind of stalker tale.