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hilaryannbrown's review against another edition
4.0
I needed this. I couldn't believe how much of it felt familiar. The writing got a little long-winded and trite towards the end, but most of it filled me with relief.
sjgrodsky's review against another edition
3.0
Discussed last night (2/13/19) by the articulate, no nonsense women of the Hadassah book group.
I am afraid that Tova did not fare very well. She was described as "whiny", "kvetchy", "indecisive" and "self indulgent". Many participants, knowing the almost endless variety of Orthodox to Conservative congregations, synagogues, and chaverim, were mystified that Tova couldn't find a simpatico group.
Her relations with William were also criticized. It's hard to get the timeline, because the book jumps around so much, but we guessed that she was involved in her romance with William long before her divorce was final, possibly while she and Aaron were still living together. That did not sit well.
I found the book unsatisfying on literary grounds. First, the timeline was impenetrable. Yes, I get that she wanted to start with the granting of the divorce. But couldn't she structure the book so we understood the chronology? Couldn't she have section headings with dates?
I began to resent her opacity. Why was she keeping us confused? Shouldn't she have learned how to manage a timeline in grad school?
Second, the characters were poorly realized. William, in particular, seems flat. Aaron gets hardly a word of dialog and not a word of description.
Third, although this is a book about marriage, divorce, and remarriage, there is no reference at all to SEX. She and Aaron married in their early 20s and had three children. Surely desire played some role in their relationship. Not a word about that but, in a weird sort of transference, plenty about her hair.
Ironic that Tova evidently does pretty well bringing purely fictional characters to life, but doesn't do as well when describing real people.
I pushed on to the last page because I wanted to attend the discussion. Without that incentive, I would have quit this tiresome meander after 100 pages or so.
I am afraid that Tova did not fare very well. She was described as "whiny", "kvetchy", "indecisive" and "self indulgent". Many participants, knowing the almost endless variety of Orthodox to Conservative congregations, synagogues, and chaverim, were mystified that Tova couldn't find a simpatico group.
Her relations with William were also criticized. It's hard to get the timeline, because the book jumps around so much, but we guessed that she was involved in her romance with William long before her divorce was final, possibly while she and Aaron were still living together. That did not sit well.
I found the book unsatisfying on literary grounds. First, the timeline was impenetrable. Yes, I get that she wanted to start with the granting of the divorce. But couldn't she structure the book so we understood the chronology? Couldn't she have section headings with dates?
I began to resent her opacity. Why was she keeping us confused? Shouldn't she have learned how to manage a timeline in grad school?
Second, the characters were poorly realized. William, in particular, seems flat. Aaron gets hardly a word of dialog and not a word of description.
Third, although this is a book about marriage, divorce, and remarriage, there is no reference at all to SEX. She and Aaron married in their early 20s and had three children. Surely desire played some role in their relationship. Not a word about that but, in a weird sort of transference, plenty about her hair.
Ironic that Tova evidently does pretty well bringing purely fictional characters to life, but doesn't do as well when describing real people.
I pushed on to the last page because I wanted to attend the discussion. Without that incentive, I would have quit this tiresome meander after 100 pages or so.
deecreatenola's review against another edition
5.0
I thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated Tova Mirvis' memoir about leaving not only her marriage but her religion. I knew almost nothing about Orthodox Judaism so the book was an eye opener into this culture. It actually reminded me a lot of evangelical Christianity - closed and insular, with a lot of unyielding rules. Mirvis describes how she chafed under these rules that dictated strict gender roles. Quite frankly, it sounded exhausting to be Orthodox, constantly feeling watched and judged for the clothes you wear, the covering on your head, what you say and write, and how you observe the religion.
Although this is her story of leaving her religion and marriage, I think the story resonates with anyone leaving something so crucial to their identity. Even after the divorce is finalized, it was hard for her to completely abandon long-held rituals. Her relationship with everyone - children, parents, siblings, and community - had to be reformed to take her new role into consideration.
I would not normally pick this book up but heard her speak at a readers' event during the Southern Independent Book Assn. annual conference, and I'm glad I did.
Although this is her story of leaving her religion and marriage, I think the story resonates with anyone leaving something so crucial to their identity. Even after the divorce is finalized, it was hard for her to completely abandon long-held rituals. Her relationship with everyone - children, parents, siblings, and community - had to be reformed to take her new role into consideration.
I would not normally pick this book up but heard her speak at a readers' event during the Southern Independent Book Assn. annual conference, and I'm glad I did.
heartofoak1's review against another edition
2.0
interesting from the aspect of learning about jewish orthodoxy. found it redundant throughout.
amb3rlina's review against another edition
5.0
Memoir of a woman leaving the walled off world of her Orthodox Jewish faith and her marriage.
What I loved:
I don't think I've ever highlighted a book so much in my life. Her writing was beautiful, but mostly I felt like my own thoughts were being beautifully spilled out onto the page. She articulated so much of my own experience.
What I learned:
We're never as isolated as it might sometimes feel. Human experience is vast and messy and beautiful and the connections between us all are where real beauty lies.
A favorite passage:
(How to choose just one!) "The greatest form of spiritual practice is self-observation without judgment. I can no more imagine self-observation without judgment than I can imagine walking without moving my feet."
What I loved:
I don't think I've ever highlighted a book so much in my life. Her writing was beautiful, but mostly I felt like my own thoughts were being beautifully spilled out onto the page. She articulated so much of my own experience.
What I learned:
We're never as isolated as it might sometimes feel. Human experience is vast and messy and beautiful and the connections between us all are where real beauty lies.
A favorite passage:
(How to choose just one!) "The greatest form of spiritual practice is self-observation without judgment. I can no more imagine self-observation without judgment than I can imagine walking without moving my feet."
tirzahyael's review against another edition
adventurous
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
3.5
wonderwhitman's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
5.0
misspalah's review against another edition
3.0
My eyes can't open wide enough. All this green feels like a silent rebuttal. Out here in this wild forest draped in growth, there is none of that sense of enclosure, none of that deadened, callused feeling. Inside this rainforest that cannot be tamed or controlled, so much life is constantly changing and rustling and cawing and growing. Out here, the only eyes watching are the hundreds of species that we can't see, the ones that at night will light this forest with dots of iridescence. When I'm away from the strictures and structures, it feels abundantly clear that there cannot be just one way - no rule book I'm supposed to be following. Out here, the tightness inside my body loosens. The word good seems irrelevant. The grip of bad gives way. All those rules that have for so long pressed on me are like the light from a star that's burned out, the last flicker of something that once existed.
- The book of separation by Tova Mirvis
.
.
It is an endless circle of uncertainty - one minute, she’s happy that she’s leaving ultra orthodox jewish communities. The next minute, she’s wondering whether its a right decision. One moment, she felt free and finally released herself from restraint and restrictions and another moment, having a designated purpose seems to govern her life accordingly. At the age of 40, Tova Mirvis decided to defect from her community and faith she grew up with and eventually got a divorce from her husband, Aaron. She told her stories in a non linear ways - more like a recollection of events she encountered - her interactions with her former husband (from the first meeting to the part whereby the divorce is finalised), her discussion with all of her 3 kids (in a reflective manner especially when her kids asked about certain rules (kosher and non kosher pizza, for example) and teaching (she’s torn between i am an outsider now, its not my place to answer this or as a mother, you should follow it and you will understand why later) and even her own parents (though quite liberal in rules but still considered themselves orthodox jews). She recounted how both her brother and sister embraced judaism in a different way - although all of them has been to Israel and learned jewish text - one is more spiritual orthodox jewish, one followed more modern in the interpretation of what’s like to be jewish. She’s also revealed many previous incidents which she’d questioned why this action and that action is permissible / forbidden , why Talmud only can be studied by men - which she lamented that she didn’t get the right answer or people just straight up accusing her for stirring up some nonsense. Ultimately, she’s decided enough is enough and left for good. The only problem is how to get over something that has been a part of you for as long as you can remember? The identity, Ideas, rituals, sense of belongingness , and even the community where you can celebrate your belief faithfully. I think this is why Tova Mirvis decided to write this memoir - to share what it’s like to finally be free (at least for her). I learned a-lot about Judaism from this book - particularly orthodox judaism. The attire for both men and women (like yarmulke and fall - hair covering, women cannot wear pants) , what you can do and cannot do during festivities like rosh hashanah, yom kippur, passover, sukkot and shabbat, the rigid rules and restrictions in the community (for example, many women struggling to conceive as they are missing an ovulation period simply because the time was not permissible to be with the husband) is highlighted in the book. What surprised me the most is how sheltered she was from all the extravagant USA holidays event. Seeing how reluctant she was to celebrate halloween with her kids in the first place is a bit unexpected since it was celebrated all over the USA. Even its not part of judaism, but participating as An American should be okay, isn’t it? (at least that’s what i thought
- The book of separation by Tova Mirvis
.
.
It is an endless circle of uncertainty - one minute, she’s happy that she’s leaving ultra orthodox jewish communities. The next minute, she’s wondering whether its a right decision. One moment, she felt free and finally released herself from restraint and restrictions and another moment, having a designated purpose seems to govern her life accordingly. At the age of 40, Tova Mirvis decided to defect from her community and faith she grew up with and eventually got a divorce from her husband, Aaron. She told her stories in a non linear ways - more like a recollection of events she encountered - her interactions with her former husband (from the first meeting to the part whereby the divorce is finalised), her discussion with all of her 3 kids (in a reflective manner especially when her kids asked about certain rules (kosher and non kosher pizza, for example) and teaching (she’s torn between i am an outsider now, its not my place to answer this or as a mother, you should follow it and you will understand why later) and even her own parents (though quite liberal in rules but still considered themselves orthodox jews). She recounted how both her brother and sister embraced judaism in a different way - although all of them has been to Israel and learned jewish text - one is more spiritual orthodox jewish, one followed more modern in the interpretation of what’s like to be jewish. She’s also revealed many previous incidents which she’d questioned why this action and that action is permissible / forbidden , why Talmud only can be studied by men - which she lamented that she didn’t get the right answer or people just straight up accusing her for stirring up some nonsense. Ultimately, she’s decided enough is enough and left for good. The only problem is how to get over something that has been a part of you for as long as you can remember? The identity, Ideas, rituals, sense of belongingness , and even the community where you can celebrate your belief faithfully. I think this is why Tova Mirvis decided to write this memoir - to share what it’s like to finally be free (at least for her). I learned a-lot about Judaism from this book - particularly orthodox judaism. The attire for both men and women (like yarmulke and fall - hair covering, women cannot wear pants) , what you can do and cannot do during festivities like rosh hashanah, yom kippur, passover, sukkot and shabbat, the rigid rules and restrictions in the community (for example, many women struggling to conceive as they are missing an ovulation period simply because the time was not permissible to be with the husband) is highlighted in the book. What surprised me the most is how sheltered she was from all the extravagant USA holidays event. Seeing how reluctant she was to celebrate halloween with her kids in the first place is a bit unexpected since it was celebrated all over the USA. Even its not part of judaism, but participating as An American should be okay, isn’t it? (at least that’s what i thought
the_knitted_reader's review against another edition
3.0
Did not actually finish - I discovered her Mormon Stories interview, and hearing her talk about her experiences was much more enjoyable than reading.
bkish's review against another edition
4.0
This is one of those reads that is Definitely not for all. First it is about a woman who divorces her husband after 16 yrs and 3 children. It is her story and she is a novelist. Anyway that subject would be of interest to many many people. What is distinctive here is she is an orthodox Jew. That presents many unique issues that I believe most people will not understand or tolerate. This woman Tova has a huge mountain to climb and for me as a Jew who is not orthodox it was incredibly revealing honest and moving.
Judy
Judy