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seawarrior's review
challenging
emotional
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
To begin with, this book isn't a fluffy romantic comedy. If that's the type of story you're set on reading you may not be able to appreciate it. This was a difficult book to read at times, yet as a trans autistic man, I felt like I saw myself in both Jeremy and Lukas' perspectives and experiences.
Both boys could be horrible throughout the story. I spent most of it angry with Jeremy in particular. However, I did see my own angry, terrified, newly transitioning teenage self reflected in his rage and self destructive views. Anger is a key theme throughout the book; Jeremy takes it out on others, while Lukas turns it against himself.
It's not exactly rewarding to see the ugliest parts of transitioning into a boy transcribed into words, but I do feel it's important. It's rare to find stories that tackle the grief and the rage that trying to find yourself again as a self-made man can inspire. Walking the line between rejecting toxic masculinity from your personhood and protecting yourself from the wrath those who embrace it feel towards you can feel like an everlosing war, especially when trapped in environments with hateful men who are never held accountable. At the same time, we risk losing formerly close relationships with cisgender women who struggle to understand us as both a male and as someone who's experienced similar gender-based violence all our lives. Finding community again in these circumstances can be rough, but it is possible once we learn to let our anger evaporate and trust that our loved ones will protect us once we part with the armor that rage provides. I feel relieved to find a story that embraces these difficult issues as a part of it while still reminding the reader that our lives aren't as hopeless as they can sometimes feel.
I was also excited to find out that Lukas was autistic. His own struggles with wanting to control how people viewed him felt really relatable to me too. Yet I didn't feel he was able to have his tangled emotions and self-hatred resolved as much as Jeremy did, which was disappointing.It would have been nice to see him find community with more neurodivergent people the way Jeremy eventually did with other queer students. I wouldn't have minded reading a much longer book for this to have happened. I really loved Lukas and following his journey of self discovery.
Overall, this story was one I really loved. It presents itself less as puzzle piece that fits exactly in place to validate the reader and more like a series of ever-shifting mechanisms that shy away from snapping together so simply. I don't think that's necessarily a flaw. These characters hold a lot of meaning for me and I expect them to stick with me for a long time. If their author ever wants to continue their story, I would be delighted to re-enter their world.
Both boys could be horrible throughout the story. I spent most of it angry with Jeremy in particular. However, I did see my own angry, terrified, newly transitioning teenage self reflected in his rage and self destructive views. Anger is a key theme throughout the book; Jeremy takes it out on others, while Lukas turns it against himself.
It's not exactly rewarding to see the ugliest parts of transitioning into a boy transcribed into words, but I do feel it's important. It's rare to find stories that tackle the grief and the rage that trying to find yourself again as a self-made man can inspire. Walking the line between rejecting toxic masculinity from your personhood and protecting yourself from the wrath those who embrace it feel towards you can feel like an everlosing war, especially when trapped in environments with hateful men who are never held accountable. At the same time, we risk losing formerly close relationships with cisgender women who struggle to understand us as both a male and as someone who's experienced similar gender-based violence all our lives. Finding community again in these circumstances can be rough, but it is possible once we learn to let our anger evaporate and trust that our loved ones will protect us once we part with the armor that rage provides. I feel relieved to find a story that embraces these difficult issues as a part of it while still reminding the reader that our lives aren't as hopeless as they can sometimes feel.
I was also excited to find out that Lukas was autistic. His own struggles with wanting to control how people viewed him felt really relatable to me too. Yet I didn't feel he was able to have his tangled emotions and self-hatred resolved as much as Jeremy did, which was disappointing.
Overall, this story was one I really loved. It presents itself less as puzzle piece that fits exactly in place to validate the reader and more like a series of ever-shifting mechanisms that shy away from snapping together so simply. I don't think that's necessarily a flaw. These characters hold a lot of meaning for me and I expect them to stick with me for a long time. If their author ever wants to continue their story, I would be delighted to re-enter their world.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Ableism, Bullying, Cursing, Dysphoria, Grief, Hate crime, Homophobia, Sexual assault, Transphobia, and Violence
Moderate: Fatphobia, Biphobia, Drug use, Alcohol, Antisemitism, and Racism
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