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120 reviews for:
Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace
Ayelet Waldman
3.5 AVERAGE
120 reviews for:
Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace
Ayelet Waldman
3.5 AVERAGE
It's not perfectly written, to be sure. But reading this now, as a mom, so much of this resonates with me.
My reading of this book has led to some interesting discussions with my boys about how mothers are judged. For such a pop-cultury looking book, it was intelligent and not oversentimental or whiney.
Not sure I agree with the author's premise, but great writing and very interesting life story.
I really enjoyed this book! It reassured me that my best as a mother really is good enough, and that society's expectations really are a bit off-kilter.
Astonishingly honest - I'm impressed how Waldman was willing to bring many things out into the open that most wouldn't dare to say. She is also an excellent writer!
It's just good to have the reminder that even the most diligent mommy amongst us gets pulled down into the bad mother trap.
The perfect book to read while your child mindlessly watches cartoons (I kid, I kid.) While reading, I kept nodding, yes, yes. True, she gets a bit whiny and defensive at times, but really, by the time I was done I wanted to go hang out with Waldman and have some coffee, which is exactly what you want to feel with a book like this.
I absolutely loved this book. I felt so understood while reading it. She has the courage to be brutally honest about the ups and downs of motherhood and I love her for it!
I was aware of Ayelet Waldman for her now famous 2005 New York Times article where she stated that she loved her husband more than her children: “Truly, Madly, Guiltily”. After starting Bad Mother, I realized I’d never read that article myself, so I went back to it. I recommend reading the article before reading Bad Mother as Waldman refers to it several times in the book, and you’ll want to know what she’s talking about.
In the article, Waldman muses that she might be considered a “bad mother” because her husband is still the center of her world, not replaced by her children. In Bad Mother, Waldman expands upon the concept of the “bad mother.” She tells stories about her own experiences with motherhood, her efforts to be at least a “good enough” mother.
I am aware of the impossible standards that have been set for mothers by society. Waldman calls this type of society the Bad Mother police: strangers ready to reprimand you in public for any slip in the perfect mother composure, online commenters in mommy forums, mothers of your children’s playmates and classmates. Motherhood is scary enough and then one has to worry about being constantly judged on your parenthood choices. Waldman herself admits to times when she has been unjustly judgmental of other mothers.
The primary strength of Bad Mother is in Waldman’s often startling and articulate honesty about her experiences and feelings. She opens the door to a discussion of motherhood that is not about finger-pointing but about sharing one’s struggles. From her battles with being bi-polar and a mother to her feelings about her mother-in-law, she has really laid herself open. The chapter “Rocketship” is particularly personal as she describes her and her husband’s decision to have an abortion when an amniocentesis reveals a genetic defect in their third child. It’s a chapter that deserves to be mulled over, no matter where you stand on the issue of abortion.
One of the best parts of Bad Mother for me was her discussion of household labor. I had heard statistics on this before and Waldman also presents them, but basically, even when the wife and husband both have full-time paying jobs, the wife usually ends up spending much more time doing housework than the husband. It is hard to condense here, but Waldman writes fantastically about how equal sharing of housework is beneficial to both marriage partners. My favorite quote: “There is nothing sexier to a woman with children than a man holding a Swiffer.”
I also liked Waldman’s chapter, “So Ready to Be the Mother of a Loser” where she realizes that she has been ready to have her children go through the same ostracism that she did, but it turns out they are well-adjusted and liked at school. It throws her for a loop. I was so happy to hear her talk about this because I’ve wondered what one does when your child has a completely different childhood experience from your own.
I am not like Ayelet Waldman in many ways – in stage of life, in some opinions and perspectives – but I find her account of motherhood in Bad Mother to be both encouraging and thought-provoking. It’s a book I expect I’ll be referencing in future conversations.
In the article, Waldman muses that she might be considered a “bad mother” because her husband is still the center of her world, not replaced by her children. In Bad Mother, Waldman expands upon the concept of the “bad mother.” She tells stories about her own experiences with motherhood, her efforts to be at least a “good enough” mother.
I am aware of the impossible standards that have been set for mothers by society. Waldman calls this type of society the Bad Mother police: strangers ready to reprimand you in public for any slip in the perfect mother composure, online commenters in mommy forums, mothers of your children’s playmates and classmates. Motherhood is scary enough and then one has to worry about being constantly judged on your parenthood choices. Waldman herself admits to times when she has been unjustly judgmental of other mothers.
The primary strength of Bad Mother is in Waldman’s often startling and articulate honesty about her experiences and feelings. She opens the door to a discussion of motherhood that is not about finger-pointing but about sharing one’s struggles. From her battles with being bi-polar and a mother to her feelings about her mother-in-law, she has really laid herself open. The chapter “Rocketship” is particularly personal as she describes her and her husband’s decision to have an abortion when an amniocentesis reveals a genetic defect in their third child. It’s a chapter that deserves to be mulled over, no matter where you stand on the issue of abortion.
One of the best parts of Bad Mother for me was her discussion of household labor. I had heard statistics on this before and Waldman also presents them, but basically, even when the wife and husband both have full-time paying jobs, the wife usually ends up spending much more time doing housework than the husband. It is hard to condense here, but Waldman writes fantastically about how equal sharing of housework is beneficial to both marriage partners. My favorite quote: “There is nothing sexier to a woman with children than a man holding a Swiffer.”
I also liked Waldman’s chapter, “So Ready to Be the Mother of a Loser” where she realizes that she has been ready to have her children go through the same ostracism that she did, but it turns out they are well-adjusted and liked at school. It throws her for a loop. I was so happy to hear her talk about this because I’ve wondered what one does when your child has a completely different childhood experience from your own.
I am not like Ayelet Waldman in many ways – in stage of life, in some opinions and perspectives – but I find her account of motherhood in Bad Mother to be both encouraging and thought-provoking. It’s a book I expect I’ll be referencing in future conversations.