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acesarrows's review against another edition
4.0
This was an eminently readable memoir. Although brief at times, with certain passages you wished had more explanation and more depth, I would not hesitate to recommend this to anyone.
Feldman was raised in the strict Hasidic sect of Satmar Judaism in Brooklyn, New York. This is her story of her life, as she was raised in her grandparents home (her mother left the community and her father is mentally ill), felt like she didn't belong and never had a real conversation with anyone as people made choices and decisions for her.
Married at the age of 17 to a man she met twice and knew next-to-nothing about before her wedding we read about her problems within her marriage, relating to sex, pregnancy, communication, religion and freedom.
She has now left the community, and is living in New York with her son (now a toddler), is divorced from her husband and excommunicated from her community and the rest of her family.
I wished for more introspection in certain parts of the book - especially near the end. Although the author is more than aware of her own inner life, she seems strangely reluctant to acknowledge that other people have inner lives too, and that can change situations dramatically.
I wished that there were more recollections of conversations between people as that is one of the only ways we get into the heads of others in her family and her community.
To those who are accusing Feldman of lying and leaving things out of this memoir I can only say: It is a memoir and not an autobiography. Not your memoir. Not mine. It will not reflect your own experiences of Judaism and religion because it cannot. It is not your story.
Nowhere does it say that a memoir must need to adhere strictly to the truth. Whatever her reasons are for writing certain things in a certain way, or leaving things out, those were her decisions and I don't think they would have changed the book or the outcome of the story.
To those who say that this is an attack on Hasidic Judaism I can only say: This is a memoir. It is her opinion of what occurred to her as she was growing up and living in the community. I did not read it as a screed against all Jews, instead I feel that it condemns all of those communities that value adherence to rules and authority over freedom of thought, independence, individuality and autonomy of self. And I do not think that that criticism can only apply to fringe Jewish communities.
The chapter where she talks candidly about the year after her marriage and the problems she and her husband had regarding sex and intimacy and cringe inducing. I feel like half of the problems she had (and that other couple's seem to have as well) could be cleared up if there were actual conversations taking place between people. Instead of saying "it will work out," perhaps a candid discussion of what sex it, what your body does and how it does it would greatly help. I can only wonder how many other religious marriages have problems like this because no one has ever explained anything to them!
Although you can feel the author's youth come through in many of the passages (both because she is young, and because she is writing about things that occurred when she was even younger) it is still a well-crafted piece of work. I can only assume that her writing skills will improve as she gets older.
All-in-all a good book, a great memoir, harrowing, depressing, poignant, reassuring and life-affirming. I wish only the best of luck to Deborah Feldman in her current life and with her current projects.
Feldman was raised in the strict Hasidic sect of Satmar Judaism in Brooklyn, New York. This is her story of her life, as she was raised in her grandparents home (her mother left the community and her father is mentally ill), felt like she didn't belong and never had a real conversation with anyone as people made choices and decisions for her.
Married at the age of 17 to a man she met twice and knew next-to-nothing about before her wedding we read about her problems within her marriage, relating to sex, pregnancy, communication, religion and freedom.
She has now left the community, and is living in New York with her son (now a toddler), is divorced from her husband and excommunicated from her community and the rest of her family.
I wished for more introspection in certain parts of the book - especially near the end. Although the author is more than aware of her own inner life, she seems strangely reluctant to acknowledge that other people have inner lives too, and that can change situations dramatically.
I wished that there were more recollections of conversations between people as that is one of the only ways we get into the heads of others in her family and her community.
To those who are accusing Feldman of lying and leaving things out of this memoir I can only say: It is a memoir and not an autobiography. Not your memoir. Not mine. It will not reflect your own experiences of Judaism and religion because it cannot. It is not your story.
Nowhere does it say that a memoir must need to adhere strictly to the truth. Whatever her reasons are for writing certain things in a certain way, or leaving things out, those were her decisions and I don't think they would have changed the book or the outcome of the story.
To those who say that this is an attack on Hasidic Judaism I can only say: This is a memoir. It is her opinion of what occurred to her as she was growing up and living in the community. I did not read it as a screed against all Jews, instead I feel that it condemns all of those communities that value adherence to rules and authority over freedom of thought, independence, individuality and autonomy of self. And I do not think that that criticism can only apply to fringe Jewish communities.
The chapter where she talks candidly about the year after her marriage and the problems she and her husband had regarding sex and intimacy and cringe inducing. I feel like half of the problems she had (and that other couple's seem to have as well) could be cleared up if there were actual conversations taking place between people. Instead of saying "it will work out," perhaps a candid discussion of what sex it, what your body does and how it does it would greatly help. I can only wonder how many other religious marriages have problems like this because no one has ever explained anything to them!
Although you can feel the author's youth come through in many of the passages (both because she is young, and because she is writing about things that occurred when she was even younger) it is still a well-crafted piece of work. I can only assume that her writing skills will improve as she gets older.
All-in-all a good book, a great memoir, harrowing, depressing, poignant, reassuring and life-affirming. I wish only the best of luck to Deborah Feldman in her current life and with her current projects.
dil's review
3.0
A decently written book offering a fascinating insight into a hidden culture. Unfortunately, it leaves too many questions unanswered - the part where she leaves her husband is over in just a few pages and we never find out if she got to the bottom of her husband's infidelity, how she managed to get custody of her son, how leaving affected her relationship with her grandparents, etc. I would have liked more reflection on her life after leaving the Satmar community, but maybe it was done on purpose, with a view to a sequel.
stephaniesteen73's review
4.0
Fascinating look inside the Hasidic community in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I followed this up with the Netflix limited series, which picks up more from where this story ends.
tatish's review
3.0
She told her story.
While she dwelled on certain parts of her life she skimmed on quite a bit as well. The transition weren't abrupt but they weren't seamless.
I was truly intrigued by the Hasidic Jewish pratices. I appreciated that she used the Yiddish(?) term and also explained what it meant.
While she dwelled on certain parts of her life she skimmed on quite a bit as well. The transition weren't abrupt but they weren't seamless.
I was truly intrigued by the Hasidic Jewish pratices. I appreciated that she used the Yiddish(?) term and also explained what it meant.
ciri314's review
adventurous
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
lighthearted
sad
tense
medium-paced
4.25
ladyreadinton's review against another edition
4.0
I wanted to read this book after I watched the Netflix series. I was unfamiliar with the Hasidic Jewish community. Deborah’s experience was heartbreaking. It was really brave for Deborah to go against the beliefs of her community and empower herself to live free.
seethinglloron's review
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
tense
fast-paced
3.75
Great memoir and reflection on a community's relationship to family and control, though I found the prose a little simple and uninspired in places.