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zosiablue's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
medium-paced
4.25
So much to digest that I don't know where to start. I wish I had found this book earlier in my life, though that's often her point - we don't know these things until midlife unless those in midlife teach us.
Disjointed thoughts:
-I was in love with the idea of love from a young age, and there was a point in my life where I stopped feeding that, thinking I had to be hard to be strong. Her point that toughening up against love is feeding into the patriarchy is 🤯
-She expertly walks a balance here - hating cis men gives into the patriarchy too. She doesn't say coddle them - she very firmly says love yourself first and let them do their own work - but she is adamant that there are good cis men out there who are doing the work, and that ALL are capable of it. This is tough for me to swallow. I can count on one hand the good men I've met in my life and I don't feel the need to be a softer to men, but this made me wonder how helpful my animosity is.
-Her chapter on lesbianism was a little head-scratching. There's danger in saying women can choose lesbianism - to me, it follows the broken adage "every women is a little bit gay," which can fuck with your head if you're a queer woman (I say from experience). But she was also pulling from another time in feminism, where it may have felt like a conscious turning away & choice.
-I love that she labels romantic friendships, which aren't sexual but are deeper than platonic friendships. And she does this with ease, like it's completely normal - which it should be. I realized I had some confusion around some romantic friendships in my own life & this casual labeling made me feel seen.
Really thought-provoking and recommended for everyone.
-
Disjointed thoughts:
-I was in love with the idea of love from a young age, and there was a point in my life where I stopped feeding that, thinking I had to be hard to be strong. Her point that toughening up against love is feeding into the patriarchy is 🤯
-She expertly walks a balance here - hating cis men gives into the patriarchy too. She doesn't say coddle them - she very firmly says love yourself first and let them do their own work - but she is adamant that there are good cis men out there who are doing the work, and that ALL are capable of it. This is tough for me to swallow. I can count on one hand the good men I've met in my life and I don't feel the need to be a softer to men, but this made me wonder how helpful my animosity is.
-Her chapter on lesbianism was a little head-scratching. There's danger in saying women can choose lesbianism - to me, it follows the broken adage "every women is a little bit gay," which can fuck with your head if you're a queer woman (I say from experience). But she was also pulling from another time in feminism, where it may have felt like a conscious turning away & choice.
-I love that she labels romantic friendships, which aren't sexual but are deeper than platonic friendships. And she does this with ease, like it's completely normal - which it should be. I realized I had some confusion around some romantic friendships in my own life & this casual labeling made me feel seen.
Really thought-provoking and recommended for everyone.
-
Content Warnings
Moderate: Homophobia, Emotional abuse, Lesbophobia, Sexual content, Domestic abuse, and Body shaming
Minor: Cursing
kashby's review
emotional
informative
inspiring
bell hooks understands me
Content Warnings
Minor: Body shaming, Grief, Homophobia, Sexual content, Abandonment, Abortion, Fatphobia, Eating disorder, and Toxic relationship
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