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Reviews tagging 'Grief'
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern
3 reviews
twistykris's review against another edition
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.75
As someone in a monogamous marriage of over 10 years who is new to considering the world of polyamory personally, this was an incredibly insightful read. It made me think about my childhood and how it contributed to my anxious/ preoccupied attachment, and how that, in turn, has affected my relationships moving forward. I often found myself thinking, "wow this is getting WAY TOO PERSONAL" while reading this 😅
I loved the way the book is sectioned off with Part 1 addressing the attachment styles and trauma, Part 2 focusing on nonmonogamy and how the attachment styles fit in, and Part 3 giving guidance on now to be more secure in your relationships with others and yourself. Each section has some questions and thinking exercises to mull over, as well as some bullet points of suggestions, making it easy to digest.
A few things to note are how this book feels very focused on couples in current relationships transitioning to polyamory, not so much single, solo-poly folks.
I also think there were some suggestions to improve attachment and relationship security that just weren't inclusive of neurodivergent folks- keeping eye contact, always being "on and actively listening" is something that can be very difficult but not intentionally neglectful for someone who's neurodivergent. I would have loved to see more representation for asexual folks as well, as they also can have and enjoy sex!
There are a few charts and graphs used in this book that I don't know are explained well in the audiobook, so if you're able to read a physical/ digital copy or have a friend describe the images to you, I think that could be very beneficial for some.
Overall, this book was very well-written, despite the serious lack of research on attachment styles relating to polyamory. Jessica Fern did a great job of making the attachment styles and types of CNM easy to understand while also relating some of her personal insight as a therapist and someone who practices polyamory herself. I learned so much about myself, my relationship with my partner, and how I can navigate potential relationships in the future!
I loved the way the book is sectioned off with Part 1 addressing the attachment styles and trauma, Part 2 focusing on nonmonogamy and how the attachment styles fit in, and Part 3 giving guidance on now to be more secure in your relationships with others and yourself. Each section has some questions and thinking exercises to mull over, as well as some bullet points of suggestions, making it easy to digest.
A few things to note are how this book feels very focused on couples in current relationships transitioning to polyamory, not so much single, solo-poly folks.
I also think there were some suggestions to improve attachment and relationship security that just weren't inclusive of neurodivergent folks- keeping eye contact, always being "on and actively listening" is something that can be very difficult but not intentionally neglectful for someone who's neurodivergent. I would have loved to see more representation for asexual folks as well, as they also can have and enjoy sex!
There are a few charts and graphs used in this book that I don't know are explained well in the audiobook, so if you're able to read a physical/ digital copy or have a friend describe the images to you, I think that could be very beneficial for some.
Overall, this book was very well-written, despite the serious lack of research on attachment styles relating to polyamory. Jessica Fern did a great job of making the attachment styles and types of CNM easy to understand while also relating some of her personal insight as a therapist and someone who practices polyamory herself. I learned so much about myself, my relationship with my partner, and how I can navigate potential relationships in the future!
Content Warnings
Moderate: Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, and Infidelity
Minor: Grief and Child abuse
sjanke2's review
1.5
Content Warnings
Moderate: Emotional abuse, Grief, Infidelity, and Toxic relationship
smoladeryn's review
challenging
hopeful
informative
slow-paced
5.0
Phenomenal book for everyone, not just those seeking or practicing polyamory!
I knew most of the concepts in the book before going in, but the way they were collated and presented was digestible, practical, and with utmost compassion.
MUST READ! <3
I knew most of the concepts in the book before going in, but the way they were collated and presented was digestible, practical, and with utmost compassion.
MUST READ! <3
Content Warnings
Moderate: Gaslighting, Grief, Infidelity, Abandonment, Ableism, Child abuse, Colonisation, Classism, Death, Emotional abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, Domestic abuse, and Violence
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