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richardwells's review
4.0
Melanoma induced brain cancer.
In a personal meditation the author comes to grips with loss, mortality, and the compassion of suicide.
All is change; all is loss; life goes on.
Rest, and be kind.
In a personal meditation the author comes to grips with loss, mortality, and the compassion of suicide.
All is change; all is loss; life goes on.
Rest, and be kind.
blackoxford's review
4.0
How to Fail Honourably
For the medical profession, death is failure. Doctors, it seems, are willing to supervise any degree of physical, emotional, and even spiritual torture to avoid it as long as there is money available to finance it. And if there isn’t, then according to the socially-minded, society has failed on its responsibilities.
I think such sentiments are quite correct when it comes to accidents and acute conditions that are subject to healing and mitigation. But chronic degenerative illness like cancer and dementia are another matter entirely. In so many cases death is not failure but the best conceivable outcome, especially when it is the clear desire of the one who suffers from the condition.
Criminal law tends to keep medics towing the party line in most countries. But the arguably greater power of family emotion is what justifies the pain imposed on chronic sufferers either directly by various invasive therapies or indirectly by the warehousing of human beings in care homes. Families are the one’s who insist upon such ‘care’ regardless of the consequences for the one who suffers. They want life, often at any cost.
That this may be selfishness disguised as love is not a civilised topic of discussion. Before a crisis, it is morbid to bring up such things; during a crisis, emotions of impending loss dominate everyone’s mind, including the mind of the victim of such emotions. Many pray for continued life, even the most impaired, when it is obvious to any outsider that death is a far superior state.
Cory Taylor suggests that talking about death, particularly self-inflicted death, is more effective than prayer. For her, life is not best described as a gift but as a loan, perhaps like a library book. It can be returned before the due date as it were. Just the thought of this possibility provides comfort and may even prolong life by mitigating what can seem like endless pain. For those whose lives medical technology has allowed to become overdue, assisted dying is a way to pay off the fines painlessly.
Most conversations we do have about dying avoid the main issues: pain and sadness. What else is there to talk about really? But what good would it do to ‘dwell’ on such horrible topics? Well possibly quite a lot. Much of grief involves things left unsaid, including the unsaid fear of the one dying as well as the fear of loss by others. It seems to me that grieving together about impending death is therapeutic for everyone. Setting a date for one’s demise could just be the catalyst necessary as a ‘conversation starter.’ If that sounds to crass, perhaps that’s a symptom of the problem.
The substance of Taylor’s book is reminiscence - the tensions, misapprehensions, mistakes, and regrets of her life. For her, writing is therapy. “I still write so as not to feel alone in the world,” she says. So of course she creates a story of her life, a story which is typical in its inevitable sadness - family breakup, sibling estrangement, and imagining what could have been. What gives her the courage to write through her increasingly enfeebling condition is the knowledge that her stash of Chinese suicide poison is secure and within reach. As she says: “Even if I never use the drug, it will still have served to banish the feeling of utter helplessness that threatens so often to overwhelm me.”
I don’t know if Taylor used that stash. But it would make sense if she did. Upon finishing the book, I thought of the exhortation of St. Thomas More, quoted from his Utopia in Dignitas’s brochure on assisted dying:
For the medical profession, death is failure. Doctors, it seems, are willing to supervise any degree of physical, emotional, and even spiritual torture to avoid it as long as there is money available to finance it. And if there isn’t, then according to the socially-minded, society has failed on its responsibilities.
I think such sentiments are quite correct when it comes to accidents and acute conditions that are subject to healing and mitigation. But chronic degenerative illness like cancer and dementia are another matter entirely. In so many cases death is not failure but the best conceivable outcome, especially when it is the clear desire of the one who suffers from the condition.
Criminal law tends to keep medics towing the party line in most countries. But the arguably greater power of family emotion is what justifies the pain imposed on chronic sufferers either directly by various invasive therapies or indirectly by the warehousing of human beings in care homes. Families are the one’s who insist upon such ‘care’ regardless of the consequences for the one who suffers. They want life, often at any cost.
That this may be selfishness disguised as love is not a civilised topic of discussion. Before a crisis, it is morbid to bring up such things; during a crisis, emotions of impending loss dominate everyone’s mind, including the mind of the victim of such emotions. Many pray for continued life, even the most impaired, when it is obvious to any outsider that death is a far superior state.
Cory Taylor suggests that talking about death, particularly self-inflicted death, is more effective than prayer. For her, life is not best described as a gift but as a loan, perhaps like a library book. It can be returned before the due date as it were. Just the thought of this possibility provides comfort and may even prolong life by mitigating what can seem like endless pain. For those whose lives medical technology has allowed to become overdue, assisted dying is a way to pay off the fines painlessly.
Most conversations we do have about dying avoid the main issues: pain and sadness. What else is there to talk about really? But what good would it do to ‘dwell’ on such horrible topics? Well possibly quite a lot. Much of grief involves things left unsaid, including the unsaid fear of the one dying as well as the fear of loss by others. It seems to me that grieving together about impending death is therapeutic for everyone. Setting a date for one’s demise could just be the catalyst necessary as a ‘conversation starter.’ If that sounds to crass, perhaps that’s a symptom of the problem.
The substance of Taylor’s book is reminiscence - the tensions, misapprehensions, mistakes, and regrets of her life. For her, writing is therapy. “I still write so as not to feel alone in the world,” she says. So of course she creates a story of her life, a story which is typical in its inevitable sadness - family breakup, sibling estrangement, and imagining what could have been. What gives her the courage to write through her increasingly enfeebling condition is the knowledge that her stash of Chinese suicide poison is secure and within reach. As she says: “Even if I never use the drug, it will still have served to banish the feeling of utter helplessness that threatens so often to overwhelm me.”
I don’t know if Taylor used that stash. But it would make sense if she did. Upon finishing the book, I thought of the exhortation of St. Thomas More, quoted from his Utopia in Dignitas’s brochure on assisted dying:
“I have already told you with what care they look after their sick, so that nothing is left undone that can contribute either to their ease or health: and for those who are taken with fixed and incurable diseases, they use all possible ways to cherish them, and to make their lives as comfortable as possible. They visit them often, and take great pains to make their time pass off easily: but when any is taken with a torturing and lingering pain, so that there is no hope, either of recovery or ease, the priests and magistrates come and exhort them, that since they are now unable to go on with the business of life, are become a burden to themselves and to all about them, and they have really outlived themselves, they should no longer nourish such a rooted distemper, but choose rather to die, since they cannot live but in much misery: being assured, that if they thus deliver themselves from torture, or are willing that others should do it, they shall be happy after death. Since by their acting thus, they lose none of the pleasures but only the troubles of life, they think they behave not only reasonably, but in a manner consistent with religion and piety; because they follow the advice given them by their priests, who are the expounders of the will of God. Such as are wrought on by these persuasions, either starve themselves of their own accord, or take opium, and by that means die without pain. But no man is forced on this way of ending his life; and if they cannot be persuaded to it, this does not induce them to fail in their attendance and care of them; but as they believe that a voluntary death, when it is chosen upon such an authority, is very honourable.”
georgilvsbooks's review against another edition
3.0
“But I will not miss dying. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever done, and I will be glad when it’s over.”
I picked this book up for personal reasons.
I’m grieving the loss of my dad who passed away on the 26th Of December 2016 Of cancer.
It’s all still very raw for me, everyday is different in how I deal with the loss of my dad.
I decided to get some books on the subject of death, cancer, end of life, etc to see if it can help me in some way. Even just to give me some understanding, and some insight into how my dad may have felt/went through.
I found this book okay. It didn’t really help me as such. It did make me feel grateful however that me and my family have always been close unlike Cory’s family who were not. I’m also grateful that me and my family knew my dad’s final wishes etc and these were fur filled.
The quote at the beginning of this review was pretty powerful. I wonder if my dad felt this way? I wonder if we will all feel this way?
I picked this book up for personal reasons.
I’m grieving the loss of my dad who passed away on the 26th Of December 2016 Of cancer.
It’s all still very raw for me, everyday is different in how I deal with the loss of my dad.
I decided to get some books on the subject of death, cancer, end of life, etc to see if it can help me in some way. Even just to give me some understanding, and some insight into how my dad may have felt/went through.
I found this book okay. It didn’t really help me as such. It did make me feel grateful however that me and my family have always been close unlike Cory’s family who were not. I’m also grateful that me and my family knew my dad’s final wishes etc and these were fur filled.
The quote at the beginning of this review was pretty powerful. I wonder if my dad felt this way? I wonder if we will all feel this way?
nerdyrev's review against another edition
5.0
This is the first book I have read this year where as soon as I finished it, I flipped to the front of the book to read it again immediately. I found the book that good. It is also incredibly short at 140 pages that the two readings took one day. The reason why I wanted to read it immediately again is the book is wonderful poetic and insightful. It is one of those books where you know the author is bearing her soul for the world to read and you just have the desire to honor that story.
Cory Taylor died two months after the book originally came out in Australia of melanoma. This book is her walk through the beginning stages of facing her own mortality. She knows she is not going to get better and the only thing that will happen is she is going to die. There is not a miracle drug, a procedure that will reverse everything, or anything like that and she knows it. This memoir is her facing death.
She does not hold back in this book, which is why it is so powerful. The book opens with her confession that she has purchased a suicide drug from China. She proceeds to question whether or not suicide is an option for her and what effect it would have on her family if she did it. That is the opening of the book!
Throughout the rest of the book, she covers topics such as euthanasia, becoming aware of oneself, remembering when she was first conscious, love, her family, and of course death. The way she writes is in this wonderfully poetic and conversational style that draws the reader in. It isn't cold or distant, but warm and inviting. It is as if you were sitting with a cup of coffee with her as she faces her death.
Death is not an easy topic to read about, but this book is so worth your time. There were three really great books on death this year that should be on any shelf- This one, Option B by Sheryl Sandberg, and On Living by Kerry Egan
*I received an advanced copy of Dying a Memoir directly from Tin House Publishing. I received it in exchange for an honest review*
Cory Taylor died two months after the book originally came out in Australia of melanoma. This book is her walk through the beginning stages of facing her own mortality. She knows she is not going to get better and the only thing that will happen is she is going to die. There is not a miracle drug, a procedure that will reverse everything, or anything like that and she knows it. This memoir is her facing death.
She does not hold back in this book, which is why it is so powerful. The book opens with her confession that she has purchased a suicide drug from China. She proceeds to question whether or not suicide is an option for her and what effect it would have on her family if she did it. That is the opening of the book!
Throughout the rest of the book, she covers topics such as euthanasia, becoming aware of oneself, remembering when she was first conscious, love, her family, and of course death. The way she writes is in this wonderfully poetic and conversational style that draws the reader in. It isn't cold or distant, but warm and inviting. It is as if you were sitting with a cup of coffee with her as she faces her death.
Death is not an easy topic to read about, but this book is so worth your time. There were three really great books on death this year that should be on any shelf- This one, Option B by Sheryl Sandberg, and On Living by Kerry Egan
*I received an advanced copy of Dying a Memoir directly from Tin House Publishing. I received it in exchange for an honest review*
akingston5's review against another edition
“My body is my journey, The truest record all I have done and seen, the site of all my joys and heartbreaks, of all my misapprehensions and blinding insights. If I feel the need to relive the journey it is all there written in the runes on my body. Even my cells remember it, all that sunshine I bathed in as a child, too much as it turned out. In my beginning is my end.”
•••
I want to do a better job of posting audioreads this year, and this is the first of 2019. Dying is Taylor’s reflection on what she is learning as she dies from melanoma-related brain cancer and the reflections of her own parents’ deaths. It was a powerful lesson and if you’ve read Being Mortal or When Breath Becomes Air, this would be another great book to add to your list.
•••
I want to do a better job of posting audioreads this year, and this is the first of 2019. Dying is Taylor’s reflection on what she is learning as she dies from melanoma-related brain cancer and the reflections of her own parents’ deaths. It was a powerful lesson and if you’ve read Being Mortal or When Breath Becomes Air, this would be another great book to add to your list.
freesien's review against another edition
3.0
3,5 Sterne
Dieses Buch ist in drei Teile eingeteilt: im ersten schreibt die Autorin über den Tod allgemein und ihre Gedanken dazu, während sie im zweiten und dritten Teil mehr auf ihre Familie und Kindheit eingeht, über die bröckelnde Ehe ihrer Eltern und ihre Beziehung zu ihren Geschwistern.
Ich finde es mutig von der Autorin, so offen von ihren Ansichten über den Tod zu sprechen, das meistens als ein Tabuthema gilt. Sie ist eine Befürworterin von Sterbehilfe und schreckt auch nicht davor zurück, über dieses Thema in der Öffentlichkeit zu sprechen.
Die beiden letzten Teile fand ich aber interessanter, da mich Familiengeschichten und -beziehungen mehr ansprechen.
Dieses Buch ist in drei Teile eingeteilt: im ersten schreibt die Autorin über den Tod allgemein und ihre Gedanken dazu, während sie im zweiten und dritten Teil mehr auf ihre Familie und Kindheit eingeht, über die bröckelnde Ehe ihrer Eltern und ihre Beziehung zu ihren Geschwistern.
Ich finde es mutig von der Autorin, so offen von ihren Ansichten über den Tod zu sprechen, das meistens als ein Tabuthema gilt. Sie ist eine Befürworterin von Sterbehilfe und schreckt auch nicht davor zurück, über dieses Thema in der Öffentlichkeit zu sprechen.
Die beiden letzten Teile fand ich aber interessanter, da mich Familiengeschichten und -beziehungen mehr ansprechen.
cancermoononhigh's review
sad
fast-paced
2.5
I was not expecting this book to go so much into her childhood. It was okayish.
"after I had children I was no longer an individual separate from other individuals. I leaked into everyone else."
"I have heard it said that modern dying means dying more, dying over longer periods, enduring more uncertainty, subjecting ourselves and our families to more disappointments and despair."
"after I had children I was no longer an individual separate from other individuals. I leaked into everyone else."
"I have heard it said that modern dying means dying more, dying over longer periods, enduring more uncertainty, subjecting ourselves and our families to more disappointments and despair."