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midwifereading's review against another edition
5.0
Truly insightful, inspiring, and practical. Looking at sexual brokenness through the lens of what it has been trying to tell you rather than simply how to make it stop was refreshing in ways I cannot describe. It lifted the last remnants of shame I have been carrying, and has given Levi and I so much to share together and connect in. I wish we had read it a year ago! Highly recommend for anyone struggling with any kind of unwanted sexual behaviors.
the0bauman's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
3.0
sharks_and_dinos's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
oliviajh's review against another edition
5.0
Wow. I can’t even begin to articulate the goodness and courage and wholeness of this book. This gives me such hope for how we might begin the journey of walking with God and others through unwanted sexual behavior towards healing. This is the number one book I would recommend for therapists, pastors, those struggling with unwanted sexual behavior, those that love someone struggling, and basically any believing adult. This is foundational to healing & I’m grateful for Jay Stringer.
kimball_hansen's review against another edition
5.0
Excellent book.
Notes:
When we pay attention, our sexual fantasies are messages from our soul of our deepest longings. And these longings are good.
If we fail to engage the ways we were sexualized in the past, we leave open the high probability these patterns will become pronounced in the future.
Badness is only goodness spoiled.
Disengagement intensifies lust. Pornography searches reveal lust but far more they reveal the dimensions of our lives that await love.
Unwanted sexual behavior is one of the most common avenues we pursue to reverse or reinforce the negative experiences we endured in childhood.
Anger exposes a demand for control.
The type of sexual behavior we pursue is a direct reflection of how highly or poorly we think of ourselves.
Trauma shapes arousal.
Unwanted sexual behavior forms when six core life experiences are linked together: deprivation, disassociation, unconscious arousal, futility, lust, and anger. Any of these experiences on their own are not enough to create pervasive damage but rather when these experiences link and reinforce one another that unwanted sexual experiences appear. To disrupt this cycle, the six experiences must be addressed holistically and simultaneously.
When men and women perceive they have unmet needs they are incredibly susceptible to unwanted sexual behavior.
Watching (TV, pornography, sports) provides a world without futility.
If we don't marvel and honor beauty we will inevitably bend it towards our control. I think with the decline of art, poetry, etc it has contributed to this desire of creating and going after our own lusts.
If you are not committed for taking responsibility for the integrity of your life there are many "squatters" that will be glad to take over.
Overcoming pornography takes on average 2-3 years. But that doesn't mean it's just years with no hope and only suffering while you overcome it.
The more shame you have the more pornography use. Shame needs to be faced to overcome. And often you'll find it's a smoke screen for something else. Just like how the Israelites had to look at the same thing that was killing them with the serpent on the staff that Moses fixed.
Allow your sexual fantasies to teach your stories that await healing.
Scheme for ways to bring your body pleasure in non orgasmic ways. The best activities are those that engage the senses.
Anticipation of something pleasurable is the most enjoyable experience. More than the experience itself. I learned this nearly 20 years ago.
Be seduced by Beauty and Holiness.
Humans want to know, Am I loved? And I going to get my own way?
Relationships are places where people get wounded.
Look up Jeremiah 2:23-24 about the camel's catching the scents of beep.
Notes:
When we pay attention, our sexual fantasies are messages from our soul of our deepest longings. And these longings are good.
If we fail to engage the ways we were sexualized in the past, we leave open the high probability these patterns will become pronounced in the future.
Badness is only goodness spoiled.
Disengagement intensifies lust. Pornography searches reveal lust but far more they reveal the dimensions of our lives that await love.
Unwanted sexual behavior is one of the most common avenues we pursue to reverse or reinforce the negative experiences we endured in childhood.
Anger exposes a demand for control.
The type of sexual behavior we pursue is a direct reflection of how highly or poorly we think of ourselves.
Trauma shapes arousal.
Unwanted sexual behavior forms when six core life experiences are linked together: deprivation, disassociation, unconscious arousal, futility, lust, and anger. Any of these experiences on their own are not enough to create pervasive damage but rather when these experiences link and reinforce one another that unwanted sexual experiences appear. To disrupt this cycle, the six experiences must be addressed holistically and simultaneously.
When men and women perceive they have unmet needs they are incredibly susceptible to unwanted sexual behavior.
Watching (TV, pornography, sports) provides a world without futility.
If we don't marvel and honor beauty we will inevitably bend it towards our control. I think with the decline of art, poetry, etc it has contributed to this desire of creating and going after our own lusts.
If you are not committed for taking responsibility for the integrity of your life there are many "squatters" that will be glad to take over.
Overcoming pornography takes on average 2-3 years. But that doesn't mean it's just years with no hope and only suffering while you overcome it.
The more shame you have the more pornography use. Shame needs to be faced to overcome. And often you'll find it's a smoke screen for something else. Just like how the Israelites had to look at the same thing that was killing them with the serpent on the staff that Moses fixed.
Allow your sexual fantasies to teach your stories that await healing.
Scheme for ways to bring your body pleasure in non orgasmic ways. The best activities are those that engage the senses.
Anticipation of something pleasurable is the most enjoyable experience. More than the experience itself. I learned this nearly 20 years ago.
Be seduced by Beauty and Holiness.
Humans want to know, Am I loved? And I going to get my own way?
Relationships are places where people get wounded.
Look up Jeremiah 2:23-24 about the camel's catching the scents of beep.
jazzsonnet's review against another edition
5.0
4.5 stars. Some really excellent content and perspectives here, but I was surprised by a few omissions. In my opinion, Part 1 was strongest and then Parts 2 and 3 were progressively weaker, but still really worth reading.
bookrescuer's review against another edition
5.0
This book is vastly different than anything I’ve ever read on the subject. My husband and I decided to dive in together. This book has opened the door for personal healing, relationship growth, and an ability to get in the trenches with others on their path of sexual healing. I feel like this should be required reading for married couples, singles, parents, pastors, ministry volunteers, and really anyone who seeks to understand the sexual landscape of our current generation and how to engage in stories of hope and deliverance. I’ve been recommending this book to anyone who will listen!
wtfox's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
5.0
A very special book that I will treasure, and one everyone needs to read. This is something not talked about enough.
nbarrett17's review against another edition
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
One of the most impactful and influential books I have ever read.
mikepage7176's review against another edition
5.0
"In my view, our self-contempt is not a by product of unwanted sexual behavior; it is the very aim of it." Pg. 11
This book is lights out. The best I've read on the subject (which is saying something). The quote from page 11 I have above is stunning to everyone I've talked to or listened to discuss the book. It's a launching off point of a deep dive into sexual brokenness that will bring healing and growth.
His ability to offer hope and redemption on nearly every page is the most beautiful part of the book. He's constantly reminding you that the thing you want to avoid and not deal with is the thing that you need not fear and can actually be part of the healing. Using the hope of the gospel, he takes us through 3 parts: how'd I get here, why do I stay, and how do I get out. The depth of his understanding of the underlying issues is so helpful, and he ably communicates them in a down to earth way. You are reading a well informed and researched and educated communicator.
It took me two months to read this because I chewed on it so much. But I also purchased the audio book and plan on going over it often. His questions and chapter suggestions are decent enough, but you will spend more time just going over the lines he draws from your past and experienced pains that you won't suffer from running out of things to meditate on and explore in your own heart.
I can't reco this enough
This book is lights out. The best I've read on the subject (which is saying something). The quote from page 11 I have above is stunning to everyone I've talked to or listened to discuss the book. It's a launching off point of a deep dive into sexual brokenness that will bring healing and growth.
His ability to offer hope and redemption on nearly every page is the most beautiful part of the book. He's constantly reminding you that the thing you want to avoid and not deal with is the thing that you need not fear and can actually be part of the healing. Using the hope of the gospel, he takes us through 3 parts: how'd I get here, why do I stay, and how do I get out. The depth of his understanding of the underlying issues is so helpful, and he ably communicates them in a down to earth way. You are reading a well informed and researched and educated communicator.
It took me two months to read this because I chewed on it so much. But I also purchased the audio book and plan on going over it often. His questions and chapter suggestions are decent enough, but you will spend more time just going over the lines he draws from your past and experienced pains that you won't suffer from running out of things to meditate on and explore in your own heart.
I can't reco this enough