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kanejim57's review against another edition
4.0
“Men and women both spoke of how they wanted to be made to feel special, to experience what it was like when someone else wanted to know everything about them. They yearned for someone to make an effort to create a beautiful setting in which such knowing and being known could occur, for someone who would set aside lavish amounts of time for this to take place. That women and men harbor secret wishes for what appear to be the old-fashioned trappings of romance seem symptomatic of hookup culture’s failings. What they want is everything that hookup culture leaves out.”
from chapter 8 “Opting Out of the Hookup Culture via The Date”
Donna Freitas has handed parents, clergy, college and high school faculty, church youth ministers, and all caring and concerned adults a book to sit and read – alone but more important with a group – then formulate a plan to help young adults deal with the issue of sex in their lives whether or not they agree with those young adults’ decisions on how they will respond after the fact. The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture Is Leaving A Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfullfilled, and Confused About Intimacy (Basic Books) is a book that made me mad at times, confused at others, saying “Seriously? Really? Seriously?,” at other points but in the end reminded me, as the father of two teenage boys and a pastor in the Protestant tradition that I need to help my teens, and other teens, think long and hard about sex, intimacy, and romance because they are part of the human experience not just in college but throughout adulthood.
Freitas’ book begins with a survey of the ‘hookup world’ of college and university life that she culls from personal and on-line interviews with college and university students at both secular and religious institutions. It is a confusing world, it seems, in which feelings about hooking up (which is anything from kissing to full genital intercourse without a desire for a commitment beyond the hookup ) is the common norm of university life today.
She then goes on to address the role that alcohol plays in the dynamic of hook up culture which she calls “the X factor… the ingredient that students turn to in order to overcome their hesitation.” This is followed by a chapter in which the words “ambivalent and uncomfortable” describe the reactions of college women and men to the hook up culture in which, it is assumed, people have had sex before they arrive at college and will have sex in college.
Then Freitas turns to a troubling aspect of the hook up culture called “Theme Parties” (weekend parties) where it is assumed that men hold the power positions and the women “ho” themselves as they act out themes common in contemporary porn. Then she turns to theme of men and manhood (“guyland” in the book) and a wonderful chapter on the real feelings of college men about their hook up experiences. Finally she turns to a discussion of virginity in the concluding context and chapters of opting out of the hook up culture and a re visioning the value and importance of abstinence as well as reviving the role of dating as means of helping young adults rethink hookups. The result is a very challenging but essential reading about the personal lives of college and university students and the truly ambivalent feelings they have about sex today.
Full of insightful thoughts and quotes, one does not have to agree with Freitas and her views and I certainly do not on several fronts, but The End of Sex is a book that forces the reader to consider how they might help a young adult they know learn how to navigate the very real and, I think, disconcerting and even scary, world of relationships. She concludes her book with some suggestions in this regard.
This book, in my opinion, is more than just about sex. It is about life, love, and relationships. It is a hard hitting assessment of contemporary culture and of young people who are awash in a sea of mixed messages and loneliness about the most intimate aspect of human life.
I rate this book a “great” read.
Note: I received a galley copy of this book from the publisher via Net Galley in exchange for a review. I was not required to write a positive review.
from chapter 8 “Opting Out of the Hookup Culture via The Date”
Donna Freitas has handed parents, clergy, college and high school faculty, church youth ministers, and all caring and concerned adults a book to sit and read – alone but more important with a group – then formulate a plan to help young adults deal with the issue of sex in their lives whether or not they agree with those young adults’ decisions on how they will respond after the fact. The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture Is Leaving A Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfullfilled, and Confused About Intimacy (Basic Books) is a book that made me mad at times, confused at others, saying “Seriously? Really? Seriously?,” at other points but in the end reminded me, as the father of two teenage boys and a pastor in the Protestant tradition that I need to help my teens, and other teens, think long and hard about sex, intimacy, and romance because they are part of the human experience not just in college but throughout adulthood.
Freitas’ book begins with a survey of the ‘hookup world’ of college and university life that she culls from personal and on-line interviews with college and university students at both secular and religious institutions. It is a confusing world, it seems, in which feelings about hooking up (which is anything from kissing to full genital intercourse without a desire for a commitment beyond the hookup ) is the common norm of university life today.
She then goes on to address the role that alcohol plays in the dynamic of hook up culture which she calls “the X factor… the ingredient that students turn to in order to overcome their hesitation.” This is followed by a chapter in which the words “ambivalent and uncomfortable” describe the reactions of college women and men to the hook up culture in which, it is assumed, people have had sex before they arrive at college and will have sex in college.
Then Freitas turns to a troubling aspect of the hook up culture called “Theme Parties” (weekend parties) where it is assumed that men hold the power positions and the women “ho” themselves as they act out themes common in contemporary porn. Then she turns to theme of men and manhood (“guyland” in the book) and a wonderful chapter on the real feelings of college men about their hook up experiences. Finally she turns to a discussion of virginity in the concluding context and chapters of opting out of the hook up culture and a re visioning the value and importance of abstinence as well as reviving the role of dating as means of helping young adults rethink hookups. The result is a very challenging but essential reading about the personal lives of college and university students and the truly ambivalent feelings they have about sex today.
Full of insightful thoughts and quotes, one does not have to agree with Freitas and her views and I certainly do not on several fronts, but The End of Sex is a book that forces the reader to consider how they might help a young adult they know learn how to navigate the very real and, I think, disconcerting and even scary, world of relationships. She concludes her book with some suggestions in this regard.
This book, in my opinion, is more than just about sex. It is about life, love, and relationships. It is a hard hitting assessment of contemporary culture and of young people who are awash in a sea of mixed messages and loneliness about the most intimate aspect of human life.
I rate this book a “great” read.
Note: I received a galley copy of this book from the publisher via Net Galley in exchange for a review. I was not required to write a positive review.
kanejim57's review
4.0
“Men and women both spoke of how they wanted to be made to feel special, to experience what it was like when someone else wanted to know everything about them. They yearned for someone to make an effort to create a beautiful setting in which such knowing and being known could occur, for someone who would set aside lavish amounts of time for this to take place. That women and men harbor secret wishes for what appear to be the old-fashioned trappings of romance seem symptomatic of hookup culture’s failings. What they want is everything that hookup culture leaves out.”
from chapter 8 “Opting Out of the Hookup Culture via The Date”
Donna Freitas has handed parents, clergy, college and high school faculty, church youth ministers, and all caring and concerned adults a book to sit and read – alone but more important with a group – then formulate a plan to help young adults deal with the issue of sex in their lives whether or not they agree with those young adults’ decisions on how they will respond after the fact. The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture Is Leaving A Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfullfilled, and Confused About Intimacy (Basic Books) is a book that made me mad at times, confused at others, saying “Seriously? Really? Seriously?,” at other points but in the end reminded me, as the father of two teenage boys and a pastor in the Protestant tradition that I need to help my teens, and other teens, think long and hard about sex, intimacy, and romance because they are part of the human experience not just in college but throughout adulthood.
Freitas’ book begins with a survey of the ‘hookup world’ of college and university life that she culls from personal and on-line interviews with college and university students at both secular and religious institutions. It is a confusing world, it seems, in which feelings about hooking up (which is anything from kissing to full genital intercourse without a desire for a commitment beyond the hookup ) is the common norm of university life today.
She then goes on to address the role that alcohol plays in the dynamic of hook up culture which she calls “the X factor… the ingredient that students turn to in order to overcome their hesitation.” This is followed by a chapter in which the words “ambivalent and uncomfortable” describe the reactions of college women and men to the hook up culture in which, it is assumed, people have had sex before they arrive at college and will have sex in college.
Then Freitas turns to a troubling aspect of the hook up culture called “Theme Parties” (weekend parties) where it is assumed that men hold the power positions and the women “ho” themselves as they act out themes common in contemporary porn. Then she turns to theme of men and manhood (“guyland” in the book) and a wonderful chapter on the real feelings of college men about their hook up experiences. Finally she turns to a discussion of virginity in the concluding context and chapters of opting out of the hook up culture and a re visioning the value and importance of abstinence as well as reviving the role of dating as means of helping young adults rethink hookups. The result is a very challenging but essential reading about the personal lives of college and university students and the truly ambivalent feelings they have about sex today.
Full of insightful thoughts and quotes, one does not have to agree with Freitas and her views and I certainly do not on several fronts, but The End of Sex is a book that forces the reader to consider how they might help a young adult they know learn how to navigate the very real and, I think, disconcerting and even scary, world of relationships. She concludes her book with some suggestions in this regard.
This book, in my opinion, is more than just about sex. It is about life, love, and relationships. It is a hard hitting assessment of contemporary culture and of young people who are awash in a sea of mixed messages and loneliness about the most intimate aspect of human life.
I rate this book a “great” read.
Note: I received a galley copy of this book from the publisher via Net Galley in exchange for a review. I was not required to write a positive review.
from chapter 8 “Opting Out of the Hookup Culture via The Date”
Donna Freitas has handed parents, clergy, college and high school faculty, church youth ministers, and all caring and concerned adults a book to sit and read – alone but more important with a group – then formulate a plan to help young adults deal with the issue of sex in their lives whether or not they agree with those young adults’ decisions on how they will respond after the fact. The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture Is Leaving A Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfullfilled, and Confused About Intimacy (Basic Books) is a book that made me mad at times, confused at others, saying “Seriously? Really? Seriously?,” at other points but in the end reminded me, as the father of two teenage boys and a pastor in the Protestant tradition that I need to help my teens, and other teens, think long and hard about sex, intimacy, and romance because they are part of the human experience not just in college but throughout adulthood.
Freitas’ book begins with a survey of the ‘hookup world’ of college and university life that she culls from personal and on-line interviews with college and university students at both secular and religious institutions. It is a confusing world, it seems, in which feelings about hooking up (which is anything from kissing to full genital intercourse without a desire for a commitment beyond the hookup ) is the common norm of university life today.
She then goes on to address the role that alcohol plays in the dynamic of hook up culture which she calls “the X factor… the ingredient that students turn to in order to overcome their hesitation.” This is followed by a chapter in which the words “ambivalent and uncomfortable” describe the reactions of college women and men to the hook up culture in which, it is assumed, people have had sex before they arrive at college and will have sex in college.
Then Freitas turns to a troubling aspect of the hook up culture called “Theme Parties” (weekend parties) where it is assumed that men hold the power positions and the women “ho” themselves as they act out themes common in contemporary porn. Then she turns to theme of men and manhood (“guyland” in the book) and a wonderful chapter on the real feelings of college men about their hook up experiences. Finally she turns to a discussion of virginity in the concluding context and chapters of opting out of the hook up culture and a re visioning the value and importance of abstinence as well as reviving the role of dating as means of helping young adults rethink hookups. The result is a very challenging but essential reading about the personal lives of college and university students and the truly ambivalent feelings they have about sex today.
Full of insightful thoughts and quotes, one does not have to agree with Freitas and her views and I certainly do not on several fronts, but The End of Sex is a book that forces the reader to consider how they might help a young adult they know learn how to navigate the very real and, I think, disconcerting and even scary, world of relationships. She concludes her book with some suggestions in this regard.
This book, in my opinion, is more than just about sex. It is about life, love, and relationships. It is a hard hitting assessment of contemporary culture and of young people who are awash in a sea of mixed messages and loneliness about the most intimate aspect of human life.
I rate this book a “great” read.
Note: I received a galley copy of this book from the publisher via Net Galley in exchange for a review. I was not required to write a positive review.
bluestjuice's review
4.0
I picked this up on a lark and found it fascinating, and very refreshing. Hookup culture as described here was not entirely prevalent on my college campus when I was in college ten years ago (although perhaps as a commuter student I simply opted out by default), but I can see much of what is described in this microcosm echoed in 'real-life' applications beyond college. I particularly liked how Freitas approached the question with a search for the middle ground between complete abstinence until marriage and the hookup cultural expectation of sex stripped of all meaning or emotional content whatsoever. The only real quibble I have is in terms of her suggestions for promoting a dating culture on campus - I think that could be one response out of many. But really, I think the important thing here is opening up a dialogue about what people really want out of their sex lives, and this book does a good job of initiating that discussion and providing some statistical context for how that manifests in a college environment. Definitely worth a read.
benlwill's review
4.0
It is refreshing to see a book about sex and college students that is not premised on a radical political agenda. The author illustrates how penetrative hookup culture is across America. The real insight however comes in her ability to offer a critique of it that does not come from an alienating over-zealous religious worldview. This book broadens the appeal of a conservative sex life but does so on liberal premises. Highly recommend to both religious and non-religious people.
southernhon's review
5.0
This was a book heavy in statistics, yet very informative and enlightening. For those who are unfamiliar, the "hookup culture" is a term that is used to define a culture of young people who have replaced dating and courtship with casual sex. The hookup culture is mostly seen at four year colleges, where hormonally-charged young men and women are thrown together with little adult supervision. This should be enough to make any parent of a college aged child cringe, but what's important to know is that this attitude of casual sex comes with a high emotional price. There are unwritten contracts that demand the partners remain emotionally unattached, which leads to feelings of loneliness, inadequacy and sadness. These young people are not mature enough to handle the consequences of these hookups and this is truly sad. Many of them feel pressured to posture for their peers by engaging in activities that they know, deep down, are morally bankrupt.
The interviews with the students were especially interesting. The author chose a wide variety of college students, from those attending secular universities to those attending Catholic colleges. She also did not leave out the gay and lesbian community, who also feel compelled to participate in these hookups. Interestingly, many of the students attending Evangelical universities did not participate in this, which the author attributed to personal religious convictions stemming from abstinence pledges.
This brings us to the subject of abstinence, which the author handled delicately. She does not preach abstinence, but does interview some students who have, after losing their virginity, decided to wait for a real relationship to engage in further sexual activity. In this way, she says, she gives hope to women, especially, who feel hopeless after giving up their virginity in a way that was less than pleasing or pleasurable, often times to a virtual stranger.
The author talks about sex as something that should be mutually pleasurable for two people who care for each other and I think that is important. She spends a chapter talking about how the predominance of pornography and how the ease of accessibility for our young people has helped to form wrong attitudes about sex. She claims that pornography often portrays women as willing fantasy objects for men, which ultimately hurts both genders when it comes time for sexual relations with real people in real situations.
There is a common theme throughout the book and that shows in the interviews with the students. Most people, even young people, long for romance and for someone to truly know and care about them. The young men and women must force themselves, in many ways, to become uncaring and to stuff those feelings of longing down into a deep place inside themselves in order to be considered "cool".
The author contends that society has played a big part in the formation of the hookup culture by the sexualization of young teens. It's not uncommon to see 11 and 12 year old girls wearing makeup and clothing that make them appear much older. They're starting to act out these sexual roles long before our generation even thought about the opposite sex. Boys are not excluded from these messages. Hyper masculinity and the "boys will be boys" mentality is seen in movies and television shows. Some television shows even glorify and exploit this hookup culture by normalizing it.
I recommend this book especially for parents of teens and young adults. Although the conversation about sex with our young people should occur well before they reach this age, it is still a great way to begin a conversation with your children about expectations, valuing themselves and others, and how to behave respectfully.
The interviews with the students were especially interesting. The author chose a wide variety of college students, from those attending secular universities to those attending Catholic colleges. She also did not leave out the gay and lesbian community, who also feel compelled to participate in these hookups. Interestingly, many of the students attending Evangelical universities did not participate in this, which the author attributed to personal religious convictions stemming from abstinence pledges.
This brings us to the subject of abstinence, which the author handled delicately. She does not preach abstinence, but does interview some students who have, after losing their virginity, decided to wait for a real relationship to engage in further sexual activity. In this way, she says, she gives hope to women, especially, who feel hopeless after giving up their virginity in a way that was less than pleasing or pleasurable, often times to a virtual stranger.
The author talks about sex as something that should be mutually pleasurable for two people who care for each other and I think that is important. She spends a chapter talking about how the predominance of pornography and how the ease of accessibility for our young people has helped to form wrong attitudes about sex. She claims that pornography often portrays women as willing fantasy objects for men, which ultimately hurts both genders when it comes time for sexual relations with real people in real situations.
There is a common theme throughout the book and that shows in the interviews with the students. Most people, even young people, long for romance and for someone to truly know and care about them. The young men and women must force themselves, in many ways, to become uncaring and to stuff those feelings of longing down into a deep place inside themselves in order to be considered "cool".
The author contends that society has played a big part in the formation of the hookup culture by the sexualization of young teens. It's not uncommon to see 11 and 12 year old girls wearing makeup and clothing that make them appear much older. They're starting to act out these sexual roles long before our generation even thought about the opposite sex. Boys are not excluded from these messages. Hyper masculinity and the "boys will be boys" mentality is seen in movies and television shows. Some television shows even glorify and exploit this hookup culture by normalizing it.
I recommend this book especially for parents of teens and young adults. Although the conversation about sex with our young people should occur well before they reach this age, it is still a great way to begin a conversation with your children about expectations, valuing themselves and others, and how to behave respectfully.
kathyana's review
3.0
Freitas brings up interesting and fair criticisms about hookup culture on collage campuses but I'm not sure I completely agree with all her arguments. She takes a bit of a moderate approach to understanding alternatives which is helpful in providing a variety of potential social scripts but not as nuanced as I would have preferred. Overall presented some worthwhile thoughts to ponder.
gilliandanielson's review
2.0
maybe it’s because I’m a recent college grad, but I didn’t really learn anything new.
lunarfire's review
3.0
I don't think that this book has all the answers, but it definitely raised a lot of really thought provoking questions. I especially liked the chapter five, "Why We Get Boys Wrong: the Emotional Glass Ceiling" and chapter eight, "Opting out of Hookup Culture via The Date." The author had a lot to say about keeping gender stereotypes in mind when discussing intimacy and about the importance of educating young people to provide them with the basic skills they need to connect emotionally in a world that is, in some ways, too connected in the wrong ways.